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abitbroken

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abitbroken last won the day on December 5 2020

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  1. I have not been around in awhile, but have to say "We are doing this again?" Another 7 page, which will be 12 pages about a dude thinking they are too ugly to date. If you think that= then you are. Look at Steven Tyler's yearbook photo. He is an internationally known rock star and he admits he was very unfortunate looking so that's why he got involved with music. I still think he is odd looking/not an attractive man. If you can't meet a woman because you think your face is ugly, you don't want to meet a woman and have decided to not cultivated ANYTHING about yourself thats interesting or you only want a supermodel ugly+rich =wife/girlfriends ugly+kind=wife/girlfriend ugly+funny=wife/girlfriend ugly+humanitarian=wife/girlfriend ugly+rescues kitties=wife/girlfriend ugly+complains about being ugly=no wife/girlfriend or one that is an extreme bully that sees someone that they can kick around
  2. Please respect her. She is not wanting to have sex yet in her life and it has nothing to do with your worthiness. She will be ready when she is ready. It may not be with you. It may be. Don't try to "get her over her insecurity". she is not ready and that should be respected.
  3. It is possible that if this was the first long trip you went on, he realized he doesn't want kids with YOU. Some people want kids but doesn't want the other person to be a stay home parent or WANTS the other to be a stay at home parent and the other person wants day care to raise the kids. i am going with the former, unfortunately if this all happened over a trip
  4. If the choice is not obvious, it is neither. By the way, are they both smitten with you and do both actually want a relationship with you? If you are not seeing them both at the same time and are now narrowing down the list of dates so that you can pair off with someone, are you sure both of them are not dating others or are that interested in you?
  5. If you are friends with him and his wife, I would only initiate plans with the wife. If you really only see him because of the class, call the wife of to make plans and if she says he is not available, but she is, follow through with the invite to her alone and decline plans that are with him solo - has to be a couple or just her. I am not clear on whether you have a separate friendship with the wife or is it that you knew him first and are merely "FRIENDLY" with the wife. This will all make your intentions clear. Its not inappropriate to make a joke about the class with the only person you know in the class. If he makes another comment that is a little weird, you can say "thats a really weird thing to say to a friend" Also, do you NEED to be friends? Do you really have a close friendship with the wife or are you only friends because you are in class together. If you are only friends because of class, i would drift out
  6. I was not ready to be in a new relationship one month after an abusive one ended. If he broke up with you and said he just wasn't ready to give you what you wanted, that would be fair. It could be that you part ways and in six month to a year run into him and he is in a different space because he took time for himself and actively pursued healing. But this part makes me think not I think that if you did stay with him, even if he didn't realize it, he doesn't believe he is worthy of a healthy relationship and would look for something to be wrong just to affirm in his mind that he can't keep one going. He is "warning you" now, so that when he jumps to somebody else or decides he is not interested, he can't say he didn't warn you. You could be a a perfectly intelligent, lovely inside and out and another guy would be fortunate enough to meet you -- but sometimes when someone isn't capable of a relationship, they only meet people that they are not going to commit to going into it. Sometimes people who leave abusive relationships - its a one off - and they are relieved and sometimes people are in relationships that are not so much where one party is the abuser - but its a toxic dynamic they are both throwing and they can't deal with not having that kind of drama in their lives. he is trying to sound like the good guy for "just waiting for the day you bless him reaching out..." But really, you need to close the door on him. there are great guys out there just hoping to meet someone - guys that have their act together and just have not been able to meet someone wonderful due to covid, not going where they can meet said person, etc. There are way more fish in the sea.
  7. No lawyer would get involved with a parent taking the children to see their grandparents for Christmas, especially if normally both spouses would have gone
  8. How can you fix your part of the marriage? You didn't get here overnight. Something happened - which you contributed your share to that caused her to leave for Christmas. It is sad you are alone - but is this something she "did" to you - or something you contributed to?
  9. You know what -- once a month, you dress your daughter in a pretty dress or a cute pant outfit. You go to grandma and grandpa's for an hour. And you go home. I know you want to withhold your daughter form her grandparents, but the cycle of pushing and pulling by all of you has to stop somewhere. They are not the ones that are going to do it. You set Boundaries. But deciding that they "earn" your daughter being able to see them by how much they inquire about her nothing has happened that physically endangers your daughter and they are not being abusive to her. If you have to only visit after naps and know to change your expectations (she is not there to play) and "engage" with your daughter for the hour to direct her attention. then so be it. There is a lot of perceived slights, passive aggressiveness here, etc. you go to a family event and go for a set time. its better to go to something with lots of family in attendance - you are clear that you stay for an hour, and if things go well - two, and then you leave. Have a secret signal that you are and your husband arrange ahead of time if its time to go. But be clear that you have another event you have to get to. That way, your daughter gets to choose as she gets older what type of relationship she has. Its not all about mom taking the temperature of whether grandma is committing a perceived slight or not being a traditional grandma relatonship. I had one grandma who we loved to visit 24/7 and a grandma with health and psychological challenges and we still saw her -- but it was more "duty " - as it was not fun for little kids to visit.We were dressed up, we sat and chatted with Grandma for an hour or were simply just there while my parents did, and then we went home. If it had been based on Grandma's merits to be the perfect Grandma, we would have never seen her. As we grew up, because my parents modeled seeing her at intervals no matter what, it made a difference to us in the long run. Our parents also modeled proper behavior during the visits.
  10. BTW, i thought a lot of women thought firefighters were hot (no pun intended)
  11. I am the same way - buy once and buy good. (but obviously, you don't buy food once.) But if you buy good food instead of junk, its cheaper to stay healthier in the longrun
  12. I know i am behind here, but to me, as long as the other person is a good steward of their money, who cares if they are rich. That means, if they end up with a windfall inheritance or start making more money, they will still be a good steward of it vs burning it. It means if something crap happens to them and they are not working for a little while (the company they work at folds), they will be okay because they already have a plan for emergencies). If they end up being the house husband or wife, they wlll be a good steward of your joint money. You don't want some silver spoon guy who throws money around and then if something happens and it dries up (they are injured and unable to get out of bed for six months), you still have a good relationship vs the only attractive aspect was money. If a guy is a volunteer firefighter, that they are doing it to help others. I have relatives who do it and they do get paid a stipend. Some have used it as a stepping stone to get to be a full time firefighter (they were already known in the department and became very value added if the time came because they had EMT experience as well). Some have done it because they retired as a firefighter and were still pretty young. It depends on what you are looking for - money, character, etc, you cannot change character, but money can change. But then i am older. I had a friend who divorced a man who was a violent alcoholic. She said if she met someone, she wouldn't care - if he was a good, caring man who loved her - she would work. If he was disabled due to a work injury or he had a job that he loved but didn't pay big bucks -- she would not care She DID find her guy. He was a super kind man who was retired military (retired young) and worked part time at a nonprofit he had a passion for. And they lived happily ever after. She already had a house -- so she didn't expect anyone to provide it
  13. Go out for dessert on the way to drop her back at home. I would not have done dinner at your place on a second date because you want the date to have a definite start and end. It can be awkward if either is assuming you should get physical or the sign of not means something, too Or do dinner and go to a movie or something. I you did smoothie bowl on the beach, i would have done lunch, dinner or an activity like bowling next.
  14. btw, lots of people who love eachother break up = people who can't be together because of immigration issues, because their cultures are too different, one wants kids and the other doesn't, one is abusive and the other knows they deserve better, bad dynaimics, because the other person has a kid and has to move out of state to be closer and the other person cannot do that, someone has a gambling or drug addiction. One of the parties is married to someone else. Lots of reasons.
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