Batya33

I think you showed your strong interest by using the mall sighting as an excuse to text him so this is not about you being standoffish at this point or "rejecting" him. Your focus on what others think of his looks and popularity is -odd but kind of consistent with a teenage crush or a "fan" of a former celebrity kind of. And also what you looked like - I mean of course you cleaned up nice for a date lol. I would find it really immature that he blamed technology -people who want to get in touch with you will do so -I mean you stopped socializing with your friend to text him just because you saw him at a mall. I think if you want to see him again -sure why not -but it doesn't sound like you do want to know the real him because you have a lot of baggage -understandably -from how flaky he has behaved and my sense is you're not seeing his popularity as an upside other than maybe arm candy -not an upside for a future serious relationship. No harm in having another fun evening with him!

Yes- I vaguely remembered it being some sort of religious reason but wasn't sure. I guess I was partially remembering right. I don't like having my photo taken and don't like being forced to smile either.

All the time is not the standard - it depends what the issue is and how much of the time it is an issue - there's no set in stone "well if my partner isn't nagging me not to get therapy or getting all judgey/controlling about my therapy ALL the time I'll put up with it." I'd judge it by - is this issue outweighing the fun and good times especially since I go to therapy regularly so it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop? I think Boltnrun's analogies to other health-affirming/health-improving activities --and the partner's reactions/support or lack thereof- were right on point.

From what I understand people typically looked serious in photos back then - I forgot the reasons why -

Sounds like fun!

Great decision -what are you going to do today to start making that change? Do you want to be less of a pushover or not at all a pushover?

Has therapy motivated you to choose to make changes?

None of this sounds healthy on her part. She might be educated but seems to me she missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners/playing nicely in the sandbox were taught.

Yes it can result in you making choices to change your behavior. Therapy doesn't cause a change -that's your choice. Is she willing to change her controlling behaviors? Also do you think the changes you've made are beneficial? Have you made changes?

On one of my mom groups on FB someone just posted that her husband turned up the volume on the song Landslide as they drove to get their child at college. How it always makes her cry. Same and I love the song and the release it gives me!

I'm so glad you've listed your accomplishments -they're really something! I'm so sorry you are sad. I would encourage you to call a suicide hotline or similar resource. I hope you feel better.

Yes, I was giving a hypothetical of where it is ok for a partner to intervene if his or her partner seems to be in an unprofessional or unethical situation with a health care provider.

It's tough out there. I dated for 24 years on and off and felt that way at times. Time to switch it up! All that needs to work is you will meet a person -albeit no guarantees -one person who is right for you. Not a perfect person. And if your goal is not to find one right person but to enjoy dating lots of people then that's fine too and that's also hard!

And sure there are exceptions. If a professional is a bad apple whether a therapist or medical doctor it's totally fine for the partner to speak up if something seems off. Whether it's about a female who was unprofessionally flirtatious or giving medical or mental health advice that seems way out of bounds -sometimes the objective outsider can see that better than the patient. When I was 10 we went to family therapy a few times. I liked going because afterwards we would go to a yummy restaurant lol. The doctor -a stern looking man - responded to me when I described one of my family members as "crazy" - he corrected me and said something didactic like "we don't use that language -we say "neurotic"" or some 10 dollar term. I said right to him "we're paying you ___/hour and I'll say what I feel." I stand by that 47 years later and if my partner hypothetically told me that his therapist was trying to control the words he used in that harsh way I'd be concerned too!

When it comes to unpacking, since I pack for myself and my son I unpack ASAP because I actually need a number of the items in the bag and sometimes like if the hotel had a pool there is wet stuff so that needs to go in the washing machine ASAP. Also otherwise in our small space the suitcase blocks access. And I make sure there is no food left over that might have been opened, the liquids have to be put away to prevent a disaster lol. We can't leave anything in the car really for safety reasons and often we don't use the car at all for a trip. There also are some really small items -like my son's braces wax or meds that need to be put away in their proper place. Before we leave I try to have all the laundry in the plastic laundry bag easily accessible so I can unzip the suitcase in our entrance way and dump it right in the machine.