boltnrun

How I dress or appear doesn't affect how I feel. Being dirty or smelly would. One thing I hated about being hospitalized years ago was that I was unable to bathe. In 11 days I got one sponge bath and one shower. I felt worse because I was dirty. And hairy. I had hair where I didn't know hair grew. I would not wear pajama bottoms out in public. Or basketball shorts ( although I don't own basketball shorts, so...). Today I'm wearing shorts made of sweats material and a T-shirt. Clean, neat but definitely not fashionable. But the only place I'm going after work is to the bank and I don't think they care about fashion.

My bestie loves makeup and has as long as I've known her (which is over 40 years!) She puts on heaps of makeup, which causes breakouts, which she counteracts by heaping on even more makeup to cover the zits, which causes more zits! I told her to take a month off from wearing makeup and just let her skin heal and she responded (in a horrified voice) "Noooooo! I could never do that!" I've seen her without makeup and her skin is just awful. Covered in scars and pits. It's a shame because she is naturally stunningly beautiful but she has destroyed her complexion. And here's me, who seldom wears any makeup, and my skin is pretty good. In my case it's more laziness than anything else. Plus I don't subscribe to "false advertising". What you see at 8:00 pm is what you'll wake up to in the morning. No surprises (although my hair is awful...unruly and wild and out of control and my bed head is next level, but that's another story). I guess my philosophy is...no false advertising and you will always see the real me. Now, I do make an effort to be neat, clean and presentable. I even shower, shampoo and get dressed (in real clothes) when I work remotely. But I need a set routine. It's not to impress anyone.

Thank you. Yes, I have been told I am a valued employee and I usually do a great job, but I was so flustered by missing that email that I rushed. And that was stupid. Taking five extra minutes to make sure I did it right would not have gotten me fired. The basis for why I do everything at panic speed is from when I was a kid and my mother was constantly yelling "hurry up, hurry UP!!!!!" and telling me how slow I was. I should be over that by now but for some reason my sponge brain refuses to LET IT GO.

Some life lessons are harsher than others, but hopefully we can learn from them. There are plenty of attractive single women in the world. Certainly many of them would like to date you. But I do think it's a good idea to scale back on the drinking. Combining alcohol with BP meds is dangerous on its own without factoring in interpersonal mishaps.

Ugh, I made a mistake at work. I HATE making mistakes. Yeah, everyone makes mistakes, blah blah blah. But I shouldn't. And it was something I did for the lady who has been copying my manager so it was the last person I should screw up in front of. I'm so frustrated. I freaked out because I'd missed an emailed instruction from someone so I tried to hurry and get the task done. EVERY time I make a mistake it's when I'm trying to hurry. I am old enough to know better than to try to hurry and I should have learned from the previous 8,592 times I've screwed up when I hurry. My biggest flaw is I seem to be unable to SLOW THE EFF DOWN. I NEED to get everything done NOW and it bites me in the ass every single time. This horrible trait of mine has to stop.

Two of the stages of grief are denial and bargaining. It seems you are experiencing both. It's not particularly pleasant or productive but it is normal. I'm glad you're taking care of your physical and emotional health.

You only had the one drink? And you believe that one drink combined with the BP med caused a blackout and poor behavior? I ask because I've been taking BP medication for years and it's never caused that kind of reaction. And I have definitely had more than one drink. Try a half dozen. Never blacked out or had out of character behavior. I'm not doubting something happened, but it just seems odd that one drink caused all that chaos. And I agree with what Miss Canuck said. I believe she was already on the fence and this episode cemented her doubts. I agree with backing off and not trying to convince her to interact with you. It's also possible to have a great time without drinking alcohol. I do all the time (I've almost entirely stopped drinking just for health reasons). If alcohol does indeed affect you this badly it's not a bad idea to avoid drinking.

I guess I would have been the bad girl. I drank, smoked weed (and dabbled in other drugs), ditched class, drove too fast, lied to my mom about where I was going...the only thing I didn't do was have actual sex in high school. I met my husband when I was still a teenager and he was "bad" too, albeit a lot more low key. He did the bad things too but he didn't make a big show of it. We got married young and settled into suburban life. Kind of funny.

Speaking of "bad boys"...

I'm so sick and tired of doctors that charge me $125 and don't even examine me. The last two didn't even touch me once. And I have a lump in my neck that's painful when I push on it and I'm so tired all the time and nothing has been done about it. They just order the same thyroid blood test and renew my thyroid medication prescription. Also my company raised the insurance deductible to $1800 (!) with no option to pay higher premiums for a lower deductible. So I have to pay everything up to that amount out of pocket. I have an HSA but that stupid sleep study used up $250 of it so I have to wait for it to replenish. In the meantime this lump could grow or get worse. I have better healthcare than I did before but the doctors still suck.

Why do you keep trying? I understand you like her but with the literal millions of women on the planet there have to be at least a few dozen you would like. We all suggested you find ways to meet women you don't work with. Have you tried any of the suggestions you were given?

Stealing prescription medication is illegal. Just because you're horny doesn't mean you're an out of control animal. You can choose to control yourself. One way to deal with your sex drive is to masturbate before you see your girlfriend. Easy and perfectly legal.

It's a very bad idea to take prescription medication that wasn't prescribed to you. Does your mother know you're taking her medication?

It's interesting how differently people react to their upbringing. I concluded the opposite...anyone who mistreats me does NOT love me and is therefore to be avoided. I can't fathom treating my kids the way I was treated.

I'm sure there are many men who spend a lot of money on the women they date. I agree with the general consensus that you two are not a good match.