catfeeder

Nope. Why put yourself through that? This guy treats you badly. He just plowed right over your boundaries when you wanted to stay in a hotel room. He demonstrated WHY you're uncomfortable with him, but he doesn't even care. I'd just tell him I'm not making the trip and let him be the one to dump me.

Ditch the pics! They are not serving you well.

Yes, and you also get to choose the degree to which any of this 'must' matter to you. You can chalk it off as an experiment that taught you something important about yourself, as opposed to drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of by characterizing it as a tragedy. You hold unique value that simply will not be apparent to every person. This is true of all of us. The goal is to find simpatico with someone who can view you through the right lens. Also true of all of us. Most people will NOT be a good match--this is natural odds. It's the truth behind the meme about needing to meet a lot of toads and frogs before stumbling on a prince. Sometimes this works against us when we're attracted to someone who doesn't own the capacity to see and appreciate our unique value. Other times it works against us when we're the ones who need to reject someone. But if you can depersonalize this in the same way you'd consider two puzzle pieces that don't fit together as 'equally valid' to the overall picture, then you'll gain the resilience that's necessary to roll with the dating process--until you find simpatico with the RIGHT guy. EnjOy the process. You deserve to be happy.

You know? I can't fathom why I assumed the wrong parent as I did, and I apologize. I think you and husband can turn any event that you WANT to attend into something enjoyable, because you are unified. Stick together, socialize your way, and exit without the pretenses of goodbyes. You've got this!

This is a great point. Who shows up at their job and starts making out in public? Someone with a screw loose, and it won't be long before other coworkers see this. Enjoy your job 'around' this flake, and outlast her.

You know, one agreement that's common to FWB's is that we're doing this while we both still feel good about it, but if either of us wants out, we can just BE out. So good for you. You're having enough difficulty redirecting your focus onto healthier pursuits, so there's no need to complicate that with a fear of getting pulled back in. I wouldn't indulge any finger-wags about 'ghosting' someone who has left you flapping in the breeze for so long. Skip that, or call it something else if you must. You can call it "letting go," and you owe nobody any explanations for doing that YOUR way. You'll thank yourself sooner rather than later.

I wholeheartedly agree, and the fear of driving is a great metaphor. Fearful drivers are often the most dangerous drivers, because they resist relaxation into what can otherwise become natural skills. I also like the saying, "Perfectionism is the enemy of the 'good'..." especially because perfectionism often stalls progress rather than improves it. OP, it might be helpful to seek out biographies of people you admire and learn their stories of mistakes and failures, along with how those eventually contributed to their successes. Same is true of relationships. We all bomb out now and then. We choose lousy friends or dates or lovers, or we outgrow perfectly nice people. We suffer rejections or need to impose them. We have good or bad experiences with ending our virginity. None of these 'must' be pivotal moments that define our capacity to experience future joys and loves--unless we self-impose catastrophic meaning to these events. Head high, and congrats on your independence. Write more if it helps.

You don't need to formally end it. He's been out of touch a month, right? So just stop contacting him. If he contacts you, either don't respond, or just tell him that this isn't working for you anymore and you wish him the best. Boom. Done. No need for him to travel an hour to your place to be an audience for a breakup that isn't even necessary. Maybe he won't even reach out again. I think you've done nothing 'wrong' beyond recognizing that FWBs are not what you want. We all make a decision about casual sex at some point. While it's much easier to clarify while we aren't in the throes of obsessing, this doesn't mean that you "can't" let this guy go, it's simply been that you "wouldn't," but now you've made a better decision. Head high.

I hear, and I sympathize. If you're feeling ripped off from missing gatherings you really do want to attend, I'd make this less about enforcing that the father divorce from his brother, or at least address the father directly instead of positioning the mother to impose this in her husband--which you can see is a fail--and more about ensuring that you and husband are locked at the hip during a brief stop-in. Escort one another to the drink, to the food, to the restrooms, and visit with whoever you want to see. Then leave as soon as it's no longer enjoyable for you. Without goodbyes beyond the host. If this were a workplace, you could make a case for eliminating this person. If this were friends, you could avoid their parties and meet them out on double dates, instead. However, the link is the father's brother. So either address father directly with the issue, or team up to enjoy what you wish to attend--or avoid. Make alternate plans with family members you DO want to see. Head high, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Has anyone noticed that so many new users who come in with a first post have been coming in alphabetically (roughly) since Jan 1? They post in groups with user names starting in the A's, and now we're up to J's and K's. Maybe someone is keeping a spreadsheet of their fake posts--or am I just cynical?

What physical proof would you need--to catch him in the act? Seeking escort services isn't enough for you? Or, he needed a 2 week incubation period to learn whether he'd contracted an STI. He may have been waiting for symptoms, or he could have run for a test while you were out. Unfortunately, that may not have been enough time to obtain an accurate test. You might be wise to obtain a battery of tests for yourself. Sounds like a blessing AND he's right, there IS too much going on. You get to decide how much of your best fertility years you want to keep sinking into someone who has already proven himself un-trust-worthy. I think it was Oprah who said that our highest intelligence first comes to us in a whisper. If we don't pay attention, it comes back around in a thump. After that it comes in a wallop. Decide whether you 'must' wait for that wallop. If so, at least start creating a plan. You might find that putting such a plan together could motivate you to await no further harm in order to carry it out. Fingers crossed for you.

None of us can prescribe what GF 'should' do, because she's not the one here asking us. But you're an adult and you're capable of weighing whether you love this woman enough to stop counting pennies for her, or whether you resent her lack of means and want to walk away. Neither choice makes you 'wrong' or 'bad,' you're perfectly entitled to decide either way. But make that decision instead of what you're doing now--riding the fence between love and resentment to your own detriment. That's a miserable way to live. Skip it.

What caused you to break up with this guy?

Sure, and it's natural. There's something about an unavailable person that feels good to hook-in. During those moments, you 'win' his availability and total focus. So when he pulls away or breaks form with the disrespect, your ego wants that dedicated boost again, and you become determined to 'win' it back. This is why some women like 'bad boys' in whatever shape or form. They're drawn to trying to 'win'. So the guys you're meeting who are who are available and nice and into you don't offer the same challenge. But the problem with the challenge is that there are two potential endings unless you extricate yourself willingly: either he'll degrade you until he's bored, or you'll be the dog that catches the car. And if you ever got THAT 'win,' you'd revel in your glory for a while--before it occurs to you that the 'real' guy isn't even what you actually want. So maybe examine with your therapist why competing for attention is your thing now?

Right, I mean, if this comes down to not trusting the guy with your money, that's one thing. But if it's just an emotional downer about being chosen second after someone dropped out, then that's just spinning yourself into a hole over nothing. Would you feel the same way if his trip included only family members, then one dropped out, and you were invited to go? Everyone has a right to form close communities of neighbors and local friends, which wouldn't automatically include a guy from another country. Naturally, such a group might form plans that do NOT consider people from outside that group. But if one leaves an opening, I'd consider myself honored to be thought of to include.