Cherylyn

I respect those who have opposite gender friends despite their long term relationships or being married. Everyone has their different preferences, opinions and perspectives on this. Having said that, for me, personally, I wouldn't want my husband to have female friends, meet them regularly for coffee, lunch, dinner, random or regular socializing, perhaps attend events, engage in habitual correspondence such as texting, emails, phone chats, leaving voicemails and the like. Doing the "friendlies" thing would be a no go. I'd feel disrespected if my husband were to confide in his female friends and get chummy just like old times whether individually or in group settings. Two's company, three's a crowd. 😕 I myself want to be exclusive in my husband's life. I'm sure he feels the same way if I were to have a bunch of male friends whom I met and / or corresponded regularly. For us, it's not the norm and it would feel weird. However, as previously reiterated, I have no qualms regarding what other people do. All I'm saying is that this arrangement is not for everyone. To each his or her own. Some couples prefer boundaries with others which is nothing out of the ordinary. Usually, a wife wants to feel top priority in her husband's life. Don't take it personally even though it's easy to do. No one hates you even though you feel excluded. It feels like a personal affront. The way the bride feels or how the wife is, is quite universal. They're embarking on their new life as a married couple. It's great that other people have opposite gender friends whom they are chummy with on a regular basis. However, it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Those who lack empathy (narcissistic types), never understand because they're incapable of it. It's called "radical acceptance" in you which means there is no change in a person who is who they are. There's nothing you can do about it except protect and safeguard your dignity first and foremost. Make your stance ironclad. 💪

I don't think there's anything wrong with DMing her. Whether you see her in person at the shop or DM her, it's all the same. Either she'll want to meet you for coffee or she won't. It doesn't matter where or when. Just be gentle though. Don't be perceived as too eager and over zealous with charm whenever you are with her. Start out gradually and be nice without scaring her off. Allow your friendship to evolve and possibly blossom into something more if it was meant to go in that direction. You and she will know. Let time and how both of you engage in conversations allow the rapport to flourish. Act natural. Be kind. I can't speak for every lady but for me, that's attractive. Women pay attention to how kind and considerate you are. Be a very sincere gentleman and let that shine in you for her. Don't rush and don't be in a hurry. Don't agonize over this. Be nice, never interrupt, be a great listener, exercise great manners and everything else will take care of itself.

No matter who it is, always stand up for yourself. You are your best protector. Be tough.

Your ex-girlfriend's sister needs to mind her own business. Don't even bother engaging in any type of conversation with her. You and your ex broke up so leave it there. Take good care of yourself and move on.

You're not being selfish. He's acting like a jerk. Dump the chump.

Your sister is full of hot air. She doesn't get it nor will she ever. Keep doing what you do, @yogacat. Whatever you say will fall on deaf ears so don't even bother. Go your own way. This world is full of hypocrites, narcissists and the whole lot. There's nothing you can do about them. A leopard can't change its spots. Don't allow the bad apples to consume you. Stay the course and tough it out. Be stronger than she is and a lot of people. This is how you triumph.

I don't think it's irrelevant. Nuances can be tricky and dicey when typing. It has to be carefully worded otherwise the message is easily misconstrued which doesn't always make for a smooth friendship. Many times, when there's initial enthusiasm, it is possible for the communication to evolve into lukewarm correspondence, comments, etc. Yes, I agree, if communication is done right with a lot of consideration in mind, it is successful and enduring. However, if communication or correspondence gets sloppy, it will be perceived as frosty behavior which doesn't bode well. I've noticed that people tend to be more careful in person vs. online. With a lot of people whom I know in real life, they're so much better, sincerely joyous and refreshingly pleasant in person. Then, online, whoa! 🤔Because they can hide behind their screens, all bets are off. Granted, not everyone is this way but I've noticed this phenomenon. Yes indeed.

Have a discussion with her. I think it would be better to wait a month or two more though. However, I'm not you and you'll ultimately decide what type of timing is right for you. Also, don't over do it with compliments and flattery otherwise it will appear as if you're trying too hard. No one wants to catch wind of being fake, phony, pretentious, charming and the like. Be careful with trying so hard to be well liked because it could backfire. Pump the brakes and be genuine meaning don't over do it by piling it on thick. As mentioned previously, don't be too eager. Be gradual. Get to know her better including her personality and character before getting involved in a relationship.

You partner is in the process of leading you into worsening financial ruin. ☹️ Either she will cooperate to improve your credit score or she will continue being nonchalant about any spending decisions. She needs her own credit or debit card under her name only. Keep your purchasing identities separate. Protect yourself always. If she fails to comply, it will only get worse. Rethink if this relationship is worth damaging your financial standing.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can somewhat relate as I'm both a friend and a wife. Sometimes, the wife feels that the picture is too crowded with the husband's female friends and the husband's friend is out. The wife will see to that. 🫢 It's the way it is. I'll chime in by saying, it is unfair but that's life. Many times, the wife prefers to be exclusive in her husband's life and does not want to share him despite the husband's midst with his female friends, even his own mother and siblings. After work hours, whatever time and energy is left is for his wife. Not that I agree but it's not uncommon to have this new dynamic once he's either in a serious relationship or married. Some spouses whether wives or husbands, become very insecure and possessive and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure their spouse's associations aren't a threat to their well being. I've observed this disdainful trait in some relatives of mine. Again, there's nothing you can do because the spouse takes precedence. You are cast aside. Also, in your case, your friend has to pick his battles. Does he wish to argue about this and defend you or does he prefer to acquiesce in order to keep the peace as he prioritizes his marriage over you? Most likely, it's the latter and not the former. No surprise there. As for you, I agree with others. You have to put yourself in standby mode. Perhaps he'll come around and initiate meeting you for coffee. If he decides to drift apart from you and fade away, this is your cue to lower your expectations to nil and move on. What you're experiencing is not unusual. It's the natural course and stages of life. Not everyone endures. Friendships ebb and flow. Some remain and others make their exit. It happens to the majority of the population. There is no shock factor.

Work slowly. Social media is fine as long as you're discreet. Take your time. Then suggest meeting for coffee and building rapport from there. You don't know her that well yet so get to know her better. This will be an opportunity for you to decide if you actually like her personality and character before deciding on going out on a date. Haste makes waste.

Unfortunately, there's a lot working against you. He's in the military and 2 hours away for starters. Having a relationship with you is inconvenient. Military life is tough, very strict, he's always taking orders and it's a regimented career. Any time off is limited and being with you is a hassle no matter who initiates it. However, gaming is convenient because no one has to go anywhere. 🙄 I've learned that with any relationship (or friendship), it's easy to burnout when there's so much enthusiasm, effort, labor, energy and resources expended to keep the rapport afloat. There's a lot of fuss in the beginning as opposed to a lighter load and less zealous maintenance over the long haul. I've learned this experience the hard way. 😒 It's better to be consistent yet not in a bombardment mode whether it's seeing each other, engaging in electronic communication, heavy cell phone use, all of it. In other words, giving each other time and space is good as long as there is a happy medium from the very beginning; not heavy in the beginning and then drifting apart as time goes by. In your case, however, it sounds like he's bored and no longer possesses the same enthusiasm as in the beginning. Some people prefer excitement at first and after that, they trail off and no longer have the same desire to be with you or anyone. It's their personality. If I were you, I'd move on. He isn't worth it. Hopefully, in the future, you can be with a local man, preferably non-military and the type of man who is on the same page with you regarding how to mutually navigate the relationship. I wouldn't say he's taking you for granted. He doesn't care. He doesn't give a ________.

No, you're not the jerk here. Your sister is. She defers to you because she knows you'll do all the dirty work while she's on easy street. I commend you for having a conscience and doing the right thing. You are honorable whereas your sister is selfish and lacks empathy. She's narcissistic and gaslights you which I'm sure you're accustomed to. Your sister won't change. Someday, I doubt she'll have regrets for not taking care of your parents. 😒 I have a sister reminiscent of yours. ☹️ I bring my mother's favorite home cooked meals to her house; sometimes it's takeout or ready made food. I buy my mother what she needs or something for her house. My sister doesn't think nor care to think of what my mother would like or need. I do just like you @yogacat. I feel for you. It feels like a burden when it's all on you because no one else is willing to step up. Lavish gifts such as designer items are no substitute for what you do for your parents. Everyone knows it even if you're not verbally recognized and appreciated. Know in your heart 🧡 that you have integrity. You can look at yourself in the mirror without guilt and you can sleep at night knowing you are a very decent human being.

What I meant by anything goes was there's more leeway such as doing as one will (block, delete, unfriend, bash, etc) at the flick of one's finger on a cell phone whereas in person, it's not as impulsive and abrupt. There's more hesitation or reservation before acting upon it. With in person communication, there's pause to reflect, think longer, contemplate deeply and conscientious efforts put forth. There's an opportunity to speak, explain, observe facial expressions and engage in a verbal conversation. Or, a phone chat is second best. People tend to behave better. They're more forgiving because there's a better understanding regarding emotions, reasons and situations. Often times, there's more fairness. Verbal dialogue exchange is softer vs. in writing. Online friends are great but it doesn't compare to in person; preferably local friends or family whom you see regularly throughout the year. I've done emails and social media with long distance friends and relatives and while it's nice to receive and mutually correspond, there's also a higher risk for the relationship to go awry vs. a more peaceful, smoother in person rapport.