Stepping through the Door of Uncertainty: A Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Leave

Relationships

Your relationship has brought you to a crossroads and deciding whether to stay or leave is challenging. You feel pulled in two directions, trying to reconcile all the emotions, the practical aspects, and weighing the realities of each choice. Unfortunately, there’s no universal answer, as every situation is different. This article will allow you to reflect on the present, learn from the past, and imagine what each option would be like in the future.

Take Stock

Perhaps you’ve already taken stock of the facts and feelings surrounding your relationship, but being clear about all the details can help clarify your decision. Ask yourself when and why things started to deteriorate, what has been working and what hasn’t. Make a list of pros and cons that, once done, will often tell the story of a relationship more clearly than any heated argument ever could.

Talk it Over

Talking about difficult stuff with a partner can be hard, so use an open-minded third party to get some perspective. A professionally trained counselor or life coach can act as an extra set of eyes who sees the overall picture without any bias and offer both practical and emotional advice. Some employers also offer discounted or free session with therapists, which can help your bank balance too.

Delay the Inevitable

If either of you are still uncertain, make sure there’s space given to allow underlying issues to surface and verify if both people still want to work on the relationship. If necessary, agree a trial separation with the understanding that emotions can change after time apart, agree how you will keep in touch (or not), and maybe suggest weekly check-ins between the two of you.

Look to the Future

Imagine what each choice would feel like. What would happen if you split up? Is there anything that could realistically sort out your problems, make for a fair division of assets, arrange access visits for children, and maintain ties in a mature way? On the other hand, if you stay, will the same hurtful patterns continue or will you address them once and for all? And if the latter, how do you plan to make it happen?

Go with Your Gut

If your gut is telling you something, pay close attention. We are programmed to listen to our instincts, and while it can be surreal and unpredictable, these signals coming directly from your subconscious are often right. Many people stay in unhappy relationships because they fear change, or think it’ll be too complicated (or expensive) to rebuild their lives. Don’t let this trap you. Even if the future isn’t perfect, you don’t have to settle for unhappiness.

Take Care of Yourself

Whichever route you choose, make sure you look out for your own well-being. That doesn’t just mean rejecting the signs of negativity, but actively seeking out the positives. Spend time alone focusing on passions, personal growth and expressing gratitude for those things—large and small—that make you happy.

Those fateful decisions in life aren’t always easy, but having an open mind and considering the potential of any situation can make change less discouraging. And finally, remember that leaving or staying doesn’t define who you are or what you’re capable of. You are capable of so much more, and stepping out of your current situation can lead to unexpected and exciting opportunities to fully express your true self.