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  • Natalie Garcia
    Natalie Garcia

    Restoring Intimacy When it Fizzles Out

    It's a natural instinct for couples to develop a deep connection and bond over time. There is something so wholesome and nourishing about being able to trust another person with your thoughts, feelings, and gets to depths of mutual understanding that are hard to match. But how do you mend a relationship when intimacy starts to deteriorate?

    In relationships, we often assume that it's the other person’s responsibility to keep the fire burning, when in fact it’s the effort of both partners combined that propels the relationship. But human nature is such that even when we give our all, often times obstacles surface and chip away at what once was a passionate connection. That doesn’t’ mean that you have to give up; rather, it becomes a battle of the minds for both individuals to seek out the source of the damage and take steps towards repairing the intimate bond.

    When intimacy starts to decrease, it’s normal to feel slighted or let down by your partner. Many of us take the disconnection personally and assume that it’s something we’re doing wrong or that our significant other doesn’t care anymore. The best piece of advice to keep in mind here is to first remove yourself from the equation and assess the situation neutrally. This way, it becomes much easier to identify where exactly the intimacy has gone but more importantly, how to get it back.

    One of the first and most critically important steps to getting back in sync with your partner is communication. When couples fall into a slump, they become wrapped up in their own emotions and expectations which lead to walls going up against the other person which further exacerbates their disconnect. Communication can come in different forms and it’s important to check in with your partner and be open with them in order to get through mutual problems. This isn’t always easy; oftentimes couples don’t share the same perspective or agree with one another, in which case it’s critical that each individual can take mental notes on the others’ opinions and be respectful of them. From there, it’s about finding a common ground in which goals and expectations can be worked out and met. When both parties are open to the dialogue and make their intentions known then things can begin to fall back in place.

    Compromise is another key element of maintaining intimacy in a relationship. It’s natural to expect certain things from your partner that are meaningful to you, however, it’s just as important to be understanding and mindful of their needs and wishes. A relationship shouldn’t be too focused on power dynamics or control; rather, it should be based on mutual respect and understanding. Compromising means to go through any issues with compassion and a willingness to try and find a resolution that works for both parties. It also works in favor of the couple if they each act as a team and prioritize their emotions / thought process so they can share the same goal. As daunting as it may sound, seeing something tricky to a head on consensus helps in keeping the bond alive.

    Finally, one of the most important components of restoring intimacy is simply to connect with each other again. When couples have strong emotional barriers built up, it’s often difficult to jump back in without feeling regret or disappointment. It’s not always what one person does that is significant, but rather, it’s the feeling of being appreciated, heard and understood. So if there is a spark of hope between the both of you, nurture those little moments. Whether it be a light hearted conversation, joke sharing, listening to music together or going for a walk in the park - focus on making it count again. Appreciating their presence, becoming familiar with their inner thoughts and dismantling any resentment that has built up will ultimately open the path to reconnecting as a couple.

    Relationships aren’t easy, and when things start to fizzle out it often feels like a monumental task to reignite the flame. However, being respectful to one another while advocating for your feelings and coming to terms with a compromise can help to restore what was lost. Understanding that love and relationships aren’t perfect and nourishing the little moments of connection will prove to be the biggest boosters towards reconnecting with your partner.

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