Women and Wealth: Getting in the Money Game

Excerpted from
Nice Girls Don't Get Rich : 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money
By Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

In Nice Girls Don't Get the Comer Office I talked about the workplace being a game, with the comer office being a metaphor for achieving your professional goals. Getting rich is also a game. It has rules, strategies, an end point, and a language all its own. Too many women fail to achieve their financial goals because they don't play the game. You may have played the game of Monopoly when you were younger. Do you remember competing to buy those properties, rail' roads, and utilities? Even though you were earning only play money, you probably played the game to win. When did you lose this sense of competition in relation to money?

All these years later, the one thing I distinctly remember about playing Monopoly with my brothers and cousins is that the girls rarely won. No matter how hard we tried, the boys seemed to trump us. They were more competitive, strategic, and focused on the end goal. They were also less likely to "play nice," as our mothers instructed. As early as childhood, women begin to have difficulty with competing successfully to accumulate money. In order to achieve their financial goals, women need to get this drive back. We must play to win.

In sports psychology there's something called the inner game, a term coined by Tim Gallwey. He says that performance equals potential minus interference. For women, getting rich is fraught with interference in the form of self-limiting inner messages, social messages, and the very real challenges of getting our fair share in a world that often sees us more as helpmates, nurturers, and accommodators than equal players. One of the ways you overcome interference is by visualizing and preparing for success. Use this chapter to help you get onto the playing field and play to win. And if you haven't played Monopoly in a while, I suggest you go back and play it one more time. Use it as a warm-up for getting to the real game of money. Maybe I would have won more Monopoly games had I known about the inner game back then.

Mistake 1: Striving for Survival, Not Wealth

Many women are justifiably proud for having survived on their earnings, but they haven't really focused on how to thrive. They may have what they need but not what they want. Messages such as "Don't be greedy" or "Learn to be happy with what you have" are forms of interference that preclude you from looking beyond the present to a financially rewarding future. Accumulating wealth-no matter how much-requires first having a crystal clear mind's-eye picture of being surrounded with money.

Allison is an example of a woman who moved from living what she described as a minimalist life to one of fulfillment. Three years ago she was earning an annual salary of $60,000 at her job as a social worker, contributed about $8,000 a year to her agency's retirement plan, and was content but not satisfied. She had everything she needed, but not what she most wanted: to travel the world. When she and I first met more than five years ago, she talked about her dreams as if they were just that: dreams. Nothing she ever really hoped to attain. I suggested that she start visioning what she would like her life to look like-without limitations. At first it was hard for her to get beyond the inner voice that told her she couldn't possibly do what she wanted and still survive, but she kept working at it. She pictured herself with a private practice of psychotherapy, enough money and time to travel to places she'd always wanted to see, and the opportunity to explore a more spiritual life. She spent time speaking with women who had successfully transitioned from surviving to thriving, and she learned from their stories.

With each passing month Allison had not only a clearer vision of what she wanted but also an idea of what it would take to achieve it. She began saving money so that she could leave her job and have enough to pay for her basic necessities. Within three years of considering the fact that she could live her life differently, she was. She did resign from her agency, found shared office space, and hung her therapist's shingle. Today she has a thriving practice, put $30,000 into savings and other investments last year, works four days a week, keeps Fridays open as her "spirit" day, and has traveled throughout France and England. And it all began with a laser-focused vision. In the first chapter you wrote a brief financial vision statement. Now it's time to consider how you can achieve it.

Coaching Tips

• Envision your life as you want it to be, not as it is. This isn't as easy as it sounds. Picturing your life differently requires getting beyond the mental interference that inevitably arises. That interference isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it prevents you from taking foolish risks and causes you to consider potential stumbling blocks. Each night before you go to sleep let your mind wander to an image of how you would like to live your life, free from financial constraints. What are you doing? Whom are you doing it with? What does it feel like?

• Talk to people who took risks to achieve their dreams. Their stories and experiences can help you to gain insight into what it takes to overcome the fears and obstacles associated with change.

• Share your vision with trusted friends. Once you gain clarity about what you want to do, say it out loud. Talk about what you're thinking and ask for their support. Putting words to your vision begins the process of moving it from a dream to reality.