Should i tell my ex boyfriend iam pregnant with his baby?

A few of months ago i started seeing my ex boyfriend although we never officially started being a couple again. We had had a complicated break up but it seemed as though we'd never stopped loving each other, this went on for a couple of months. Then one night we had a petty disagreement, and contact seemed to dwindle, although we didnt really fall out, then stopped.

I've since found out iam pregnant. I have decided to have a termination, for a lot of reasons, but i am undecided whether to talk to him about it. We have been very close in the past, although things are the way they are now, but i dont know whether i should even put him through that when i could go through it alone. I dont think he needs to know, but something deep down is telling me i should tell him. I text him asking if he'd like to go for a drink this week and he said yes and he asked if it was ok to see him tomorrow but i dont know if i should see him. He must be thinking that i want to carry on seeing him but i have decided that i dont. Im not sure whether to meet up with him to explain everything, although i feel terrible that i'll shock him like that, when he'll think i am simply meeting up with him to hang out, or whether to leave it altogether (i'm pretty sure he wouldn't have got in touch with me if i hadnt text him), or whether to maybe phone him?

Personally, I don't think this is something you should tell him over the phone, but I do think he needs to know. Something inside you wants to tell him as well, and you should go with your gut feeling and let him know, otherwise you might regret not telling him, and the longer you leave it, the harder it'll be to tell him about it.

Ultimately it's your decision about what you do, and you've already made the decision, but he might be able to provide the support you need in what will be a really tough time for you. Even if you don't want to see him again afterwards, i really feel you should tell him what you're going through.

Yeh i think your are right about telling him over the phone.

The main thing that worries me about going to meet him is that I know him well and i really feel that he'd just simply listen to me and offer no input or support and just leave things between us as they are. I dont know if i want to put my self in that situation, of going through all of the emotions i'll go through telling him (because i am finding it impossible) just to be looked at like im a empty space.

Tell him. It's his as much as it is yours.

Tell him. You seem to have made ur decision, now all you need to do is talk to him. He cannot make you keep it, even if he wants you to. Thats all up to you. Regardless, I think he has a right to know.

Like Roffler said, "It's his as much as it s yours."

Personally, I would tell him in person rather than over the phone, but thats totally up to you.

ok it seems as though the right thing to do is to meet him today and tell him, and most of me agrees, but then again i dont want anyone to know about this who knows me, and i haven't even told my bestfriend or my mum. My ex boyfriend lives near to me, in a small place and we know alot of the same people and he will almost definitely tell his best friend and i know what gossip is like in this village. If my bestfriend finds out i kept this from her she will be extremely hurt and i also dont want to be judged by everyone around me for my decision so i really still cant decide.

Plus he has a habit of making arrangements and breaking them, if he doesnt turn up today, do i still try to tell him?

I think if he doesn't turn up today, maybe then it's the time to talk to him on the phone about it - explain that you didn't want to do it over the phone but he broke your arrangement and you felt he needed to know.

I also think you should really speak to either your best friend or your mum - or both. Only you know what their reaction will be to what you tell them, but at the same time, your best friend is your best friend for a reason and should support you through this. It's going to be a really tough time for you, and even if you tell your ex, he won't provide the emotional support that you're going to need in the future. Tell your friend and your mum, and let them support you.

You do not need to go through this alone.

ok just to update and ask for more help please. he didnt get back in touch with me at all about meeting up and i tried to call a couple of times but he hasn't answered the phone, maybe he's been at work because he works pretty random shifts but i really think he's just not answered the phone and thinking that he'll just catch up with me later. I feel really pathetic for running after him trying to get in touch with him. should i just give up?

You need to tell him. You didn't make the baby on your own so he needs to help you through this hard situation.

I agree it's just as much his as it is hers, but what's the point in telling him he has a child if she's already decided to terminate the pregnancy??

Why not just terminate the pregnancy and be done with it? He doesn't have to know. Unless you want him to help pay for the abortion. What would you do if he wants a child and you don't? It could just cause a lot of problems.

I agree it's just as much his as it is hers, but what's the point in telling him he has a child if she's already decided to terminate the pregnancy??

 

Why not just terminate the pregnancy and be done with it? He doesn't have to know. Unless you want him to help pay for the abortion. What would you do if he wants a child and you don't? It could just cause a lot of problems.

Because its his child and its the right thing to do. Thats why. As Deann already said - she didn't make this baby all by herself. Both of them made the decision to have sex. Well now both of them can face up to the consequences. He needs to understand what has happened too. Maybe then he'll also make some changes in his life so that it doesn't happen again.

A pregnancy needs to be discussed by both people. While she retains the right to make the final decision - he needs to be involved in the process.

Just because she has already made the decision to have an abortion doesn't mean she should have to go through the emotional tauma by herself. I don't know the character of the other person but if he is any kind of decent human being then he will lend his emotional support.

thank you for everyone's views, I took on board everyones points and i really have tried to tell him. I havent been able to get in touch with him until lastnight when i saw him out in a place we both usually go to. i told him i have something to tell him and he obviously wanted to know what it was. But when i tried to get the words out nothing came out, and i just froze and couldnt say a thing and i ended up telling him i couldnt tell him right now and walked away, i left my friends and went home (feeling terrible about myself for not having the guts to get my words out). I really cant seem to tell him although half of me wants him to know desperatley. Iv only got a few days left to tell him and be sure of what im doing myself because ive been having doubts but i just couldnt get the words out and it was the wrong time and place, all of his friends were nearby and mine and he'd been drinking. This is driving me crazy.

well I feel like i've tried everything to tell him but i have to put myself first because this is torturing me and decide to leave it and not speak to him again. I text him yesterday asking how he was and if we could talk, when he knows i've already said i have something important to tell him and he still didnt reply. Im so angry with him, I have completely humiliated myself and put myself through alot to try and tell him, just to get absolutely no where. For everyone sticking up for guys saying that he needs to know and guys have feelings too, well it doesnt feel that way to me right now. I've just fed his ego thinking im some kind of desperate woman wanting to be with him, when in fact that couldnt be further than the truth now. And if he does have an idea of whats up which i would think he has, he cant be that stupid then he simply doesnt care. They can just walk away. Unfortunately some rotten guys spoil it for the rest. I was coping ok with it all but now i feel so low about myself and he's made things a million times worse. I only wished i'd listened to those who said not to try to tell him.

If you really want him to know and are unable to tell him in person... tell him in a text. At least that way he'll know and will probably contact you to discuss it. If he doesn't he's an... oops almost used inappropriate language.

i tried ringing him twice again because i was losing my mind over it, no reply. So i gave some pretty obvious clues to one of his best friends that i talk to, and he rang him and told him that he should ring me or meet up with me (im not sure if he told him why i wasnt there). Im still waiting for that phone call, its not gona happen, i guess he's an....cant use inappropriate languae