Should we try again or call it a day ?

Myself and my husband of 12 years have drifted apart so much. I have fallen out of love with him. He wants us to continue to work through things but I am finding it so difficult to make the necessary efforts. Weekends are just a disaster I can never get it right - if I suggest the cinema he'll say it's so that I don't have to talk to him. If we go out with friends he'll say that I ignore him and at the weekend he said I wouldn't come home when he asked - I was just saying good bye to friends. He very nearly went home without me! Even when we have a pleasant conversation it turns into a discussion about our marriage and inevitably a row. He always accuses me of fancying other men and is suspicious of male friends who might comment on Facebook etc. He's also jealous if I enjoy time with female friends and as for girls nights out that really puts him in bad form as he suspects I'm up to all sorts. I'm friendly and outgoing but hand on heart I have never given him cause to mistrust me. He also constantly tells me I don't respect him I don't agree with this statement. The more we argue the further apart we grow but yet I just don't seem to have the courage to call it off. I'm scared of separation but I'm also scared of staying in the relationship. I feel that giving it another go is just kicking our problems down the road a little further. I don't think his need to control, his insecurities, his resentment of my independence will change. We have been to counceling and while I found it helped he didn't. The councillor pointed out the control thing etc and he felt that she was constantly 'having a go' at him. She is a very professional lady and any accredited counciler would not 'take sides' and give one party a hard time. He is convinced that it's only a matter of time that when I'm not in love with him that my attentions will turn elsewhere. I just feel so worn down by all of this we're going around in circles. I just don't know how to get this back right and to enjoy his company again and to love him again. This indifference I feel is also having a negative effect on the physical side of the relationship needless to say. If we break up I know he'd b so devasted and I worry that he wouldn't play fair when separating and I worry too about our children and how our parents would cope. He wants an instant fix - that's not possible it will take time. Hope some of you can enlighten me on this.

I was going to suggest counselling, but seeing as you have already tried & he didn't agree with what was said I am sorry but I really don't think there is much left for you to do but separate.

Yes it is difficult at first adjusting to the new way of living, but it is doable. I left my Ex 16yrs ago when I caught him cheating. I had 2 young children, a part time job & no money. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did. My kids have grown into amazing young adults, I have a good full time job, freedom, independence & a happy life.

Your kids are better off with 2 unhappy parents who separate than live their lives in a house with so much tension & fighting.

Your family will cope, it will take time and patience, but if things are so bad it is a decision that needs to be made.

I also suggest you get a good lawyer & protect yourself & your kids. I didn't do this, and wish someone had suggested it to me.

Best of luck.

Was he always controlling and jealous? It seems odd that this would start now.

Could you try counseling with a male counselor? Would your husband deny that he is controlling if he heard it from a second counselor?