Broken up living together away from home.

Hi everybody!

I'm new and I stepped into this forum, you really seems nice and I'm kinda lost, so I could use some advice.

Briefly: I'm from Italy, moved to London January 2012, supposed to stay 2-3 months but met my boyfriend. I stayed one year than I decided to move back to Italy, he told me he would come but he couldn’t (cannot blame him, he is Hungarian and in Italy it’s difficult to find a job even for Italian people), so I moved back to London (mostly for him, but I like living here anyway).

So we moved together last September. Everything was alright, of course we had ups and downs like everybody, but we were happy, planning things for next year, etc. He always told me I was the one for him, he never felt like that, he wanted to marry me.

Now he comes back from his holidays home and he says he doesn’t love me anymore.

He said he was thinking about it since few months, and going home he realized it, and he wants to move back to Hungary (he always missed home SO much). He didn’t really give me a choice: he doesn’t wanna take some time apart to think about it, for him it’s totally over. He said he doesn’t think he can love me again.

I don’t really know what to do and my head is bursting with thoughts. We have a flat together and the contract ends next February, for work and other reasons I have to stay in London at least one more month. Staying in our flat is killing me but I don’t have friends that can put me up for so long. I still would like to try to give him time apart to think. Do you think it’s a lost cause? I always knew he missed home but I was thinking maybe I was enough to make him stay. I don’t think he is really unhappy here.

I would like to go back to Italy to spend some time with friends and family for a bit, but I don’t feel like I belong there anymore. I’m afraid if I go I’m not gonna have the guts to go away again.

Advices please

I would say go back to Italy and take time to heal around people that care about you. You might feel weak for a while, but one day you'll wake up feeling stronger than you ever felt before. And should you want to go away again, I'm sure you'll have the courage then to do it.

I can totally understand how extra difficult this break up is for you while you are away from home and don't have those good friends to be around you and support you. I am myself living in a different country, and feeling I don't belong anymore in my home country even when I miss my family and friends a lot.

I know it is not easy to make friendships that will be forever, those take time to build.

So regarding the relationship, I think it is over. Sounds like he has made up his mind for good, so don't expect anything to change.

If you have the chance to stay in London, with a job, then I say stay. Find another apartment to rent, maybe a smaller one. I hear London is an expensive city to live.

And I also know about the situation in Italy, it is similar in my home country.

So you could take the opportunity to stay in London and work on your career, while also investing in meeting new people that may become good friends.

Safe jobs are hard to find these days (well depends on the area you are working on), so I would stick to career now.