I can't trust at all and I need advice, please reply.

Hi, first of all I'm 17 and from the UK.

Bit of background on me first, I have a lot of issues and have had extreme health anxiety/various phobias/low self esteem for 3ish years now. I feel very depressed a lot of the time, I had to leave college because of it so now I am trying to find a job (I am at home alone for the majority of the time, making my mind go into overdrive). I don't have a lot of close friends and it's rare anyone will want to see me, I usually ask and get rejected. I'm trying to get help but my counselling service is very inefficient.

This thread is regarding my trust issues.. I have known my boyfriend since early 2012, we were good friends for a year and starting going out in May 2013, so we've been together for 1 year now. He is 19 years old. I don't know what is wrong with me, I have really bad trust issues with no grounds for it. He is a very nice guy, I'm his first proper girlfriend and he lost his virginity to me etc. He is not the type of person you imagine would cheat for a second, but for some reason my brain can't stop picturing him flirting with other girls online etc, I worry whenever he adds a new one or speaks to someone, I feel really awful about being this jealous.

I worry more about the people who influence him, because of the type of people they are.. not gonna go into loads of detail but there is one specifically who encourages cheating and thinks it's great/exciting. He is going on holiday with my boyfriend this weekend, and I have been worried about this happening since I found out about it months ago. I just tried to put it to the back of my mind but now it is so close my paranoia is getting worse. It doesn't even have to be full on cheating that will upset me, it can literally be him being friendly to a girl when drinking or something, because alcohol obviously makes people more confident, especially him as he isn't the most outgoing guy in general. I think he is very attractive, and I fear someone else may think so also.

We have almost broke up on multiple occasions because of my trust issues and I've promised to try and get help to try and get over it, I did not realise couples counselling sessions were so expensive.. this made me very disappointed and left with no hope. I just think I would be even worse off if I didn't have him in my life, because he helps a lot with my other anxiety/depression but at the same time this worry/paranoia isn't helping at all with my problems.

If ANYONE could take their time to reply to this and offer advice or any form of solution I would really appreciate it.

Thank you and sorry it's so long.

You don't need couples couseling sessions. You need private sessions to deal with anxiety, low self esteem, etc.

He does not help with your issues --- he is a temporary distraction, and yet because being in a relationship actually makes these worse...you, yourself need

to address them. Left alone, they will not go away by themseves.

I want to, but where I go for councelling is really bad, like if I'm lucky enough to get an appointment in the first place they are like 3 months apart.

Then go online and research anxiety and ways to decrease it.

Read about co-dependency.

On this site, Victoria66 has a thread called 'my toolbox" in which she shares her means of dealing with anxiety.