so much pain so alone want to sleep forever

The void in my life is so big that i cant even put in to words in how much pain i am these last couple of days.

Didn't go anywhere i was invited only to my mums on Easter day and i think that was my breaking point. We used to go every year together. I was so sick and depressed while having lunch that my mom repeatedly asked me what was wrong and i repeatedly lied saying i was really tired from work.

Left as fast as i could when we finished, came straight home, lied in bed and slept for about an hour even though i had 2 different invites.

The thing is that I started working again the day after i slept for the first time in the new house so my mind was sort of occupied most of the times even though i had a hard moving out few days. Not that i didnt think about what went down and didnt feel lonely and sad and had mini meltdowns but due to the heavy work schedule that awful feeling in my gut came and went.

These past days as my project at work was finishing and had more time on my hands reality was starting to kick in.

The anger is fading and the pain is coming back. Not only the pain of the betrayal and being dumped but the pain of how my life life has changed in seconds without me having a say in it at all. One day being and sleeping with someone for 8 years and from one day to the other never have seen him again. Everything i was experiencing as normality for most of my adult life has disappeared in a blink of an eye.

The pain and the crying from within (finally) when i released a few days ago that we hadn't seen each other for 2 months and the devastating thought that he doesn't miss me. That if he did he would have insisted on seeing me, even though i have cut him off.

That the 8 years were so insignificant that he doesn't have the urge to communicate with me except for the first 2-3 weeks that were mainly for personal reasons, to relief himself of his guilt and put more blame on me (i assume as i never gave him the chance to see me again to talk).

Not to get confused, i have no intention of contacting him or seeing him (NC is easy for me as anger an a lot of self respect helps) but i do need a sign from his side so i do not feel more pain thinking i wasted 8 years of my life with someone that doesn't give a about me.

I have been dumped, cheated on, betrayed, lied to, moved out, am alone, miss having a partner, human touch and security and its soooooooo painful and lonely that some days i just dont want to wake up and face reality. Half of the days i was working i almost called in sick.

Cant even get out of the house for basic chores without effort and he will be going on vacation!

I know it will ago away at some point and life will be good again but i cant help feeling this way...so what to do, just live with the pain i guess?

I wish i could explain better how painful it is for me right now.

Sooo sorry for you.

Its gonna take some time.

I'm out of a 3 year relationship. I have no idea how it must be for a 8 year...

Have you thought of professional help?

Hi sadpuppie, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now and it really doesn't seem fair...I can relate, I was with my boyfriend for 5.5 years and he broke up with me out of the blue (well to me it was out of the blue, but in reality it really wasn't, I just didn't see the signs). I felt so blindsided and betrayed and I would go back and forth from being angry to being really sad...it was terrible. I think it has been about 3 months now, I went into immediate no contact after he broke things off and he has not reached out since. My grandfather passed away 3 weeks ago and still have not heard anything. So I can totally relate to not understanding why someone won't reach out and it feels like your relationship meant nothing to the other person. It feels so cruel.

This was the first holiday (besides Valentines Day...but I never made a big deal about V-day) that we weren't together. It was difficult, but I am thankful that I was with my family.

Everyday will get easier, every step you get closer to feeling like yourself again. I have my good days and bad days and I accept each of them as part of the process. I miss him everyday, but I know that I will be okay again, that is my choice. You will too, I promise.

Stay strong!

You really do need some counseling to help you during this tough time.

I also think you should have told your mom about your feelings and gotten comfort from her.

It might not be what you want to hear but time will help like anything. Don't shy away and hide away try do things go out, meet people and see things, it might feel weird at first but it's how life goes sometimes. I can't imagine how you would feel after 8 years, but stay strong and remember you need a can do attitude.

You were with someone who (I'd assume) you thought was the one for eight years. This will not take a few days to get over, it will take months or even a year or two. But that is normal. Why exactly did you break up? What was he missing? Don't fret, and please don't go depressed or suicidal -- remember, as tough as it is, yeah you had this guy but on the flip side there are 7 billion people on this earth, many of whom would probably find you entrancing and you could have an even better, stronger love with!!! Be positive. Take time to grieve, but by no means dwell on it by your own volition. Get out there and meet people, even if it's just making friends…one thing leads to another. Let him be, NC, for now. Just remind yourself…even if it is unimaginable, you found him…there is every reason to expect and hop you WILL find someone else. Focus on bettering your own self for now. Best of luck

Hi everyone and thanks for your support. The last few days have been really emotional for me.

Waking up with him on my mind again. Im waking up alone and he can wake up with someone to cuddle if he wants. He has someone in his life regardless if he insists its only for physical reasons and to help him get over my absence (yeah right!).

Im here miserable and he is going on vacation in a different country (something that i didn't need to know but of course he had to mention it on a purely business mail).

And the thought that they might be going together is killing me. I know, i know, i shouldn't care what he does but cant help these feelings.

I can find out if i want, but i wont.

Counseling is scheduled for next week. Just got out of a big work project and couldnt schedule earlier.

Ms. Darcy. my mom has a lot of health and mental issues, i do not want to burden her more so i keep a strong face. She knows we have split by i try to keep calm around her as hard as it is for me.

Tough nights, tough days.

my boyfriend just broke up with me after living together and i had to pack all my stuff and move away. it was not mutual, it was out of the blue.. and i'm still in love with him... it feels awful and horrible and i don't feel any comfort from anything. i miss the normality of coming home to him and living together..

he doesn't miss me either... he's off living his life having a great time pursuing new girls while i'm here living with my mom crying my eyes out everyday. i don't have any great advice for you i just wanted to say i am feeling similar. i think we have the right to be depressed for a while and not going out and doing things is our choice. as long as eventually we go back to living a semi normal life... only time will heal us.

living well is the best revenge. not that we need revenge or that we have to prove anything. but how ty would it make them feel to see what they gave up. because they gave up someone amazing from their own stupidity and issues. for them to see that we are happy, successful, and doing better than ever. i hope one day we can get to that point......

Please please don't be so hard on yourself. I can assure you it will get better but give yourself time to grieve and learn about yourself. I wish I did this and unfortunately ended up in a worst situation. I know the sleepless nights and each day they do get better and we are all here for you I promise you.

Thank all you guys for the overwhelming support and advise.

I have been a bit better these days but still in no mood to go out of the house for anything just for basic shopping needs.

Some friends have come over but cant fill the void...sleeping and waking up alone is hard.

ynguns251, i never realized im hard on myself. But lucky as the last month i can sleep even when i have the bad days. The waking up and getting out of bed is hard. Takes me about a couple of hours to finally get out of the bedroom.

He texted me for wishing me for something (posted a thread as needed advise) and it was so unexpected as i was positive he wouldn't that it through me off for a while. The funny part was that he added some incoherent info that didn't make sense. I believe it was a smoke screen so it wouldn't be him just wishing me.

Except for the first couple of hours of wondering if i should thank him or not i didn't affect me much and honestly wished he hadn't texted.

A mutual friend also called to wish me. He said hew knew we have broken up directly from him the next few days we broke up. When our friend asked him why he told him "it just hit me one day and i broke it off"! What a piece of s**t.

I know all will be fine at the end...but unfortunately at this point im not even in the middle of my journey and even though i know life will carry on cant help felling like this in the moment.

Hope today will be better...its 12:30, have woken up since 11:00 but still haven't gotten out of bed.

Lets see if today will be better than other days.

Lots of love to everyone.

Hi Sadpuppie,

We have written in previous posts and like you I am going through the exact same thing. I just moved into my place on April 1st and it has been so horrible.

I can't eat, or sleep.

I have taken to walking 5k every day just to clear my head. I put my headphones on and away I go. Unfortunately when I listen to the music I think of him.

I have lost 23 lbs cause I don't want to cook for myself. I have to tell myself to breathe everymorning when I wake up even though I really don't want to. I wander around my place like its foreign and don't know what to do. I wake up every morning at 3:37am (don't know why) and instantly he pops into my head and I can't get back to sleep.

I find my self just sitting there watching TV, Turning it off to go to bed, get into bedroom and stare at the empty bed before I get in. When I wake up the other side of the bed is still tucked in like it hasn't been slept in.

I think about him all day at work, driving to work, driving home, going up the elevator. As soon as I walk into my place I feel nothing, I don't feel like I am home, I feel like I am walking into just this place that I exist. I bought everything new (except our bedroom suite, he gave that to me and he is sleeping on his couch for now) and I would give everything away just to go home again.

I know he is missing me as he told me last week that he is trying not to but then said yes he misses me a lot. He is just so stubborn that in his mind he made the decision to do this so he has to be strong and stick to it. He even said when we were splitting that he is not sure he is doing the right thing. He even cried when I finally moved as he was hugging me in my "new place".

Life as I know it now sucks and I don't like it one bit. I know in the depths of my being that we are supposed to be together and we will be I can feel it. We have known each other over 30 years and when we got together 4 years ago it was like a tidal wave hit us and it just felt right instantly. Now this.

I thank GOD for this forum as I really have no one to talk to about this. I am a very private person and I just tell people I can't talk about it because whenever I do, I cry and I don't want to cry anymore.

Jatli,

Its like you are me and all the feelings that have unfolded with the move!

Except for the part that we are supposed to be together, as we should have ended things a long time ago but its still hard being dumped the way i was and having to change your life in seconds without wanting to so drastically and without it being you decision

At least im eating again (could not bare cook for myself the first month or so) and sleeping... maybe too much sleeping!

So...life sucks right now but everything will get better, i promise!

Waking up between 3-4am, in Chinese holistic medicine represents grief and loss.

Check this website out:

link removed

Keep being brave, you two. We've got your back.

Waking up between 3-4am, in Chinese holistic medicine represents grief and loss.

 

Check this website out:

 

link removed

 

Keep being brave, you two. We've got your back.

wow...just checked it out!

spot on....when i could finally sleep i was waking up between 3-5 for the first weeks.

grief and loss...

thanks for the support Suly!

wow...just checked it out!

spot on....when i could finally sleep i was waking up between 3-5 for the first weeks.

grief and loss...

 

thanks for the support Suly!

That's incredible. Wow. Explains it all I couldn't understand why 3:37am everynight. Even last night.

Hey Sad Puppy, I went through a similar thing. 6 years to the day nearly, then he just upped and left and was with his best friend's gf the same day. It's okay to feel like you do. It's all normal. I think for me, it hasn't gone away but it just sort of becomes a scar. It's there but it doesn't hurt.

For myself, I am certainly not in love with him anymore, and I very rarely miss him. I was lucky that he did run off with his best friend's gf cos why would I love someone who would do that? How can I miss him when he isn't the person I thought he was? That person doesn't exist, so nothing to miss. Try and remember that; it helped me.

All that said though, curiously I still think about him so many times every day. Not in a missing way. Not in "wonder what he's doing way". Not in a "wish I could share this story or joke with him" way. Nothing at all. It's all vague and undefined. But I think of him, and all that happened anyway.

You lost your whole perspective of life and your anticipated future on somebody else's say so. Now it's time to take back control. Limit the times you talk about him. Set an alarm and once you're within those times, do not text your friends about him, talk to people on the phone about him, etc. Reduce the times by a little every week. Probably after just a couple of weeks, you'll wonder why you wasted even more time on him. To my surprise, it was a relief to do this, not being "allowed" to talk about him.

And change your passwords to something motivational so that every time you log into something, you are forced to think of a little positive word, such as respect or strong or something like that.

What you're feeling is normal. It's okay to feel the way you do. You'll be fine, day by day. Promise!

I have woken up early so I thought I would come on and post. My heart goes out to you girls, so much. Whether you have loved someone for a year or 10 years pain is pain and it hurts all the same but I know myself the anguish of trying to get someone out of your system after so many years.

(I have posted a bit of my story here forum/showthread.php?t=472816&page=4&p=5991708&viewfull=1#post5991708)

I can completely relate to you, Sadpuppie, when you say you need a sign from the other side. If you had something back to say 'i am going through the same thing, i miss you etc' you imagine it to just take the edge off of your pain. All day every day I think about my ex and wonder why he isnt texting me or calling me the whole time, I don't understand how people can just switch it all off and move on when there are feelings there.

But when someone has made their mind up the only thing you can do to save your sanity is NC. I have ignored his messages for months despite wanting to reply back so badly but unless it is to make a commitment to you, whatever is said is just confused emotions. After months of my ex still contacting me every 2 weeks, suddenly there was nothing for a month. And it was then I cracked and contacted him which was a complete disaster. He has been living with his now gf since September and thinking that I was ok with everything now and happy he tellls me that a couple of weekes earlier they have bought a house together. Then once you establish contact it becomes fresh all over again and you're asking why you can't work it out. For the next few days we we in contact. He told me that he is still totally in love with me and it is hard wanting me and thinking about me every day but as much as he wants me he loves his life how it is now. Which is living with someone he works with (I live 2 hours away) and that he needs to give it a proper chance or he will regret it. He has told me he fastasies about a life with me but in reality what he has works. He even told me that she had found pictures that he had kept of us and she didnt say anything but it must have looked weird. When someone doesnt love you anymore and doesnt talk to you at all it is very painful. But when someone admits to you I am still in love with you but they wont be with you it literally drives you insane. On a bad day, I feel like I am obssessed with him and I need proper help to work through it. But I cant afford to pay for a private therapist and when I went to the doctors for anti-depressants I was told they could refer me but there is a long waiting list on the NHS (UK). The mixed messages run around my head every second of the day and it seems impossible I will get over someone who admits they cant completely get over me either even though I am trying my best to accept the how the situation is regardless and have a fresh start. All I/we can do is take one day at a time xxx

I wish you girls all the best in the future and hope you can find a way to heal and move forward. I know it is cliche, but it WILL get better. Have faith. Know things happen for a reason. As painful as it is, it's better to know now, deal with it and have the rest of your life in front of you to find "the one" that was truly meant for you.

I have been in the same boat a couple times. From a males perspective it isn't any different to be honest. I've been through a lot in my life but there is nothing that really compares to the pain of a BU with someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with. Years/months down the road when emotions aren't dictating the brain, you will realize perhaps it wasn't meant to be. I'll be honest, you may never stop thinking about them to a certain degree. I still do every once in a great while. It's human nature. BUT you WILL move on and live a happy life! Get busy living or get busy dying. Best of luck

lots of love and healing to all of us!

xxx

So sorry about your situation. I think that problably speaking, expressing the frustration could be a good heal for everybody in the same situation.

It has been two weeks since my brokeup, after 8 years and plans to go live together, now i find myself in a empty house, in a foreign country and far from my family and my friends.

And everything i wanna do is get out of here

So sorry you are in this situation Loneliness.

I can imagine your pain when you are actually alone, far from home and family.

Stray strong, post here, you will be astonished by the support from members and also their advise.

It has helped me tremendously to get through the day some times just expressing how i feel and all of the stupid things im thinking.

Other times i think i doesn't help as all day i revolving and talking about my situation....but the reality is im still here and posting.

My i ask how you ended up in a foreign country and alone?

Did you or he end it after 8 years?

Now it's time to take back control. Limit the times you talk about him. Set an alarm and once you're within those times, do not text your friends about him, talk to people on the phone about him, etc. Reduce the times by a little every week. Probably after just a couple of weeks, you'll wonder why you wasted even more time on him. To my surprise, it was a relief to do this, not being "allowed" to talk about him.

I actually try hard (not that i always succeed) the past few weeks not to talk to my friends about him and if and when he texted ect..

If the conversation comes up and they ask then i tell them, but without over analyzing, waiting for a feedback from them and keeping it short.

But the thing is i spend a lot of time on ENA so sometimes i think might it be the same as talking to friend all day about the situation so that resulting to the same thing?

But then again ENA and support given here has helped me keep my sanity, keep things in perspective and reminding me of what the reality and future holds...that the best is yet to come!

So sorry you are in this situation Loneliness.

I can imagine your pain when you are actually alone, far from home and family.

 

Stray strong, post here, you will be astonished by the support from members and also their advise.

It has helped me tremendously to get through the day some times just expressing how i feel and all of the stupid things im thinking.

Other times i think i doesn't help as all day i revolving and talking about my situation....but the reality is im still here and posting.

 

My i ask how you ended up in a foreign country and alone?

Did you or he end it after 8 years?

Thanks sadpuppie.

I accepted a job abroad, because we spoke about it and we realized it was the fastest way to finally go to live together. I waited her to join me in april or later on, but two weeks ago the cold shower.

By phone

And now here i am, with no idea about what i am doing her and why

But the thing is i spend a lot of time on ENA so sometimes i think might it be the same as talking to friend all day about the situation so that resulting to the same thing?

I think it is different than talking to friends. At least that is what I've found anyway. There are unbiased opinions here. Nobody is "on anyones side" so to speak. They aren't going to say or advise things to make you feel better or what you want to hear as a friend or family member may. Also you are surrounded by people that have first hand experience in either living the same thing or have lived it. Rather than talking to someone that hasnt' experienced what you are experiencing and through no fault of their own, but can't really give you the direction that you need although they may try to lend a helping hand. And last..... you need to talk about it! Lets not kid ourselves, they are still in our heads (EX). You want to seclude them from your personal life and move on but at the same point it helps to vent and get your emotions out. Here is a good place rather than somebody close to the personal situation IMO.