ryan250 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Is it wrong to date two girls at once? Sex hasn't come into the picture yet with either of them, but it will soon. Once I do have sex with one of them, does that mean I have an obligation to one of them? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 it's okay if you aren't exclusive with either. Link to comment
ryan250 Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 it's okay if you aren't exclusive with either. That's what I figured. However, I don't know why I would feel a sense of guilt. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 That's what I figured. However, I don't know why I would feel a sense of guilt. sounds like you are developing feelings for them. that's why. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Is it wrong to date two girls at once? Sex hasn't come into the picture yet with either of them, but it will soon. Once I do have sex with one of them, does that mean I have an obligation to one of them? not necessarily Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Hey dude - I guess IMO, sex WILL change stuff but as long as you make clear your intentions you should be ok. Just don't mis-lead anyone. Be straight up and honest and then no one can claim that you lied or were deceitful. At least give them the opportunity to know what they're getting into, ya know? Link to comment
knightNshiningarmor Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 if you feel guilt then you are probably not at the stage to handle multiple long term relationships but really you dont owe anything till you both discuss exclusivity and if its something that doesnt come up usually its like a 1 month rule...and thats when you need to come clean in that your not ready to be exclusive or drop one of the girls...imo its easier to be upfront in the very beginning then there is no confusion later but ya id say just go with it and just keep it honest thats the best way to minimize any damage. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 That's what I figured. However, I don't know why I would feel a sense of guilt. You just answered your own question. It's not a matter of right or wrong since have not made a committment to either. It is about how you feel- and if you would feel guilty then you should only date the one with whom you feel more connected to. Don't worry about how you "should" feel- Be honest with yourself- and if you know you'd feel guilty, then you're better off dating only one. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 As long as you are honest with the two girls... i dont think you have anything to feel guilty about - just don't hide one from the other... its the betrayal that hurts the most. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 it's okay if you aren't exclusive with either. I think its ok if you're not exclusive AND if they both know you're seeing other women. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think its ok if you're not exclusive AND if they both know you're seeing other women. to an extent. i don't you have to bust out that you are. but if they were to ask 'are you seeing anybody else' i would probably answer something like 'i am dating yes, but i am not exclusive with anyone.' and if they wanted to talk about sex, i'd answer those questions too. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Is it wrong to date two girls at once? Sex hasn't come into the picture yet with either of them, but it will soon. Once I do have sex with one of them, does that mean I have an obligation to one of them? Dating is dating... but a lot of females think once sex is involved so is exsclusivity... make sure you're clear about that. I don't think you have to give up that info, but if she asks, be truthful. Let me ask this... how does the guy feel after sex is started... If I had sex with one guy, then two nights later had sex with another, would the first guy be upset... if it were you? Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 My general rule of thumb is unless there is the "exclusivity" talk/agreement then all bets are off. Generally speaking, in my little world, if there is no sex then there isn't a relationship - it's just dating. The sex equation is kind of the line in the sand as to whether it's a relationship exclusive or not. I, personally, wouldn't be sleeping with two different women at the same time without all the cards being on the table so to speak. does that make sense? Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 My general rule of thumb is unless there is the "exclusivity" talk/agreement then all bets are off. Generally speaking, in my little world, if there is no sex then there isn't a relationship - it's just dating. The sex equation is kind of the line in the sand as to whether it's a relationship exclusive or not. I, personally, wouldn't be sleeping with two different women at the same time without all the cards being on the table so to speak. does that make sense? that's kind of how I feel, I don't think sex = exclusive, but once sex started with one guy, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it with another guy, unless the first one knew about it... it he's OK with it, then cool. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I agree with the notion that if you are going to start having sex with someone, they better know that you consider yourself a free agent to have sex with other women as well. There are plenty of men and women who assume if they are having sex with someone then that person is not having sex with others...they might just take that as a given. I have seen plenty of posts on this forum from people who are now in long term relationships and find out that 3 years ago then they first starting dating and sleeping with their partner, their partner was also sleeping with others. It totally devastates them. So before you have sex with anyone, if you are not interested in being exclusive with them, you better let them know that you would not simply be dating others, you might be sleeping with others as well. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 As long as there is open communication and mutual understanding, there isn't anything wrong with it. Well, except when sex comes in. Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Once sex comes into the picture, it becomes exclusive (in my world.) As much as the fantasy of having sex with multiple women is attractive, when it comes down to it, I couldn't do it. Sex is too emotionally charged for me and I think it's unfair to be boinking two different women. But if you chose to do so, BOTH women need to know you're sexually active with others. They may not take it as lightly as you think. Not to mention potential STDs, etc.... Link to comment
MushroomGod Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 If you don't have the talk you can do whatever you want. Even sex. Link to comment
brian123 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 As long as they know you are not exclusive, it is ok. But I'd make that clear to them before anything more physical happens. Link to comment
blanchett Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I agree with most of the posters on here that until you have "the talk," you are not exclusive. BUT, I would think about it not just practically, but emotionally (from both your and the girls' perspectives) as well. Some of us (women, or maybe just people) are too proud / stupid to have the exclusivity talk when we want / expect exclusivity (especially when sex is involved) and in those cases, if you get the sense that the girl(s) have an expectation of exclusivity but just aren't talking about it, I say, bring it up. The last thing you want is to end up in a relationship with a woman you fall in love with and then have her find out you were sleeping with other people when you were also sleeping with her, even if that's before "the talk." Logic says that it's "ok" because you never had "the talk," but trust me, the woman will feel betrayed if she finds out someday down the road when she's already fallen in love with you and is exclusive with you, that you weren't on the same page as her in the beginning. And, the last thing you want is a woman who feels betrayed. Not fun. Link to comment
brian123 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I am dating 2 girls at once. I am starting to really like one over the other, and the one I don't like as much anymore (who I believe it drop dead gorgeous, but has other issues) is heavily pushing for sex. She is literally begging for it and has even threatened that "If I dont do it with her, she may end up having to do it with a bad guy" (major turnoff + red flags there) I'm not going to do it because it pushes for more exclusivity with the girl I dont see anything happening with and also because if things work out with this other girl, then I dont want to have her find out I was sleeping with someone else while we were dating. Link to comment
boo121 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think its ok if you're not exclusive AND if they both know you're seeing other women. its none of her business whether he's seeing other women, and vice verser. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 It's fine if you're not exclusive/havn't had "the talk". If you're having sex with both though, I think it's proper to inform both that you're having sex with someone else. Link to comment
Ben10 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 it's okay if you aren't exclusive with either. It may not be exclusive, but don't expect either one of them to be ok with it if/when they find out. They both may do the right thing and ditch you. Link to comment
MushroomGod Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 It may not be exclusive, but don't expect either one of them to be ok with it if/when they find out. They both may do the right thing and ditch you. How is ditching him the right thing to do when there is no deal to break? Link to comment
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