dreamguy Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 People constantly struggle with absense and whether it increases the other person's love or it just makes it fade away. Some will say: "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" while others simply reply: "Far from the eyes, far from the heart". I believe the answer to this dilemma is very simple and does not need a long post to be explained. As François de La Rochefoucauld (a french writer who lived some 300 years ago) says: "Absense diminishes a mediocre passion and increases a great one. Like the wind blows out the candle and lights the fire!" Link to comment
CandyKins Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I would say NC for if you want to forget and move on completely. After a break-up it can be hard and awkward. Being friends right after a break-up isn't such a good idea. There still is that raw pain floating inside you. To heal you need the time and space, otherwise it would be harder and you may be living on false hopes. But... if you want him back and you feel that there is hope inside you then do the NC, but for a short while. I would agree with "Absense makes the heart grow fonder". Both parties' wouldn't take each other for granted, they really need each other and they are willing to give it another go taking this seriously and making a good effort. Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 People constantly struggle with absense and whether it increases the other person's love or it just makes it fade away. Some will say: "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" while others simply reply: "Far from the eyes, far from the heart". I believe the answer to this dilemma is very simple and does not need a long post to be explained. As François de La Rochefoucauld (a french writer who lived some 300 years ago) says: "Absense diminishes a mediocre passion and increases a great one. Like the wind blows out the candle and lights the fire!" I would be of the opinion if they forget you then they never really cared about you.Would you like to be with someone who would forget you? NC will not make them forget you.It may make them want you,it may help them get over you.At least going NC will not drive them further apart from you. Link to comment
Fox1198 Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I think the response you're gonna get is that NC is more about you, and less about them. NC heals YOU and lets you let go of them. How they react is inconsequential. Link to comment
tushboy Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 NO..clear and simple NO..it doesn't make them forget you. And am talking from personal experience. It just makes them wonder where you derived this strength from which you are using to do NC...and it does make them mad. Link to comment
dreamguy Posted March 13, 2008 Author Share Posted March 13, 2008 Just for the record, I wasn't asking this question for my particular case. I was only trying to answer it because I see so many people (including myself) struggling with NC and there are always two opposite theories (as stated in my original post) concerning NC's effect on your ex. Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 NO..clear and simple NO..it doesn't make them forget you. And am talking from personal experience. It just makes them wonder where you derived this strength from which you are using to do NC...and it does make them mad. Interesting reply! Why do you think it makes them mad? If they initiate the breakup do you not think they would admire you for giving them space? I'm just curious as to what you think. Link to comment
Tinnes Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Whenever I go NC, my ex takes care to bring me back into his life, to remind me of his existence. That happened today(again). But, currently I am not interested. Not any more. No, exes do not forget dumpees during NC. They have enough time to think about what they have lost. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I agree there is no way they will just forget you during NC. It's not possible to just forget someone, you spent a reasonable amount of special time with. And if you were together a fair amount of time, you were obviously special to them, at least at some point. They will not forget you. I do believe that absense makes the heart grow fonder. I do believe that the negative fades, and the positive are there more than the negatives. But I also think that LC (limited/light contact) can have the same effect. Because if you are talking to someone, but not every day, and you're just being friendly, happy, and collected. They are gonna think of these times, the happy times, they're gonna probably think "was he/she that bad after all?!" So if someone decides to do LC (I am atm) I think it could also work in the same way. As long as you are happy and collected. It will make new memories, and if they are positive they are likely to outweigh the bad, unless you did something very bad. If they dumped you for reasons that aren't "that bad", I think it could do some good. NC is always praised here, and I agree in most cases NC should be used. But I don't think in all cases it has to be. I think LC hasn't had enough talk really, because as I said, if you're both talking on friendly terms and making new happy memories, there's gotta be something good said for that! I do think everyone needs a initial period of NC though, because to do LC you need to be at a stage where, you know they might not coem back and you can handle that outcome. The key is to realise they might only want friendship, and to get on with your life while in the LC. Easier said than done, but can be done for some. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hmm Angry Heat, you are making me want to break contact now! i wonder if ive given it enough time in NC though... but i dont want her to find it easier to leave me with a new guy because were not talking.. or maybe she is thinking about the good times already! I wish i could get into her head lol Link to comment
Up and Down Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I wish i could get into her head lol Don't worry about her head, worry about yours. I know it's easier said than done and it the same struggle most have on this board. You can wonder all day what she is thinking but it gets you no where fast. Link to comment
tushboy Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Interesting reply! Why do you think it makes them mad? If they initiate the breakup do you not think they would admire you for giving them space? I'm just curious as to what you think. I can only talk about of personal experience...After I went NC..my EX's immediate reaction was of RELIEF...he was happy that the texting, phone calls everything had stopped. But then as time passed and I got busy with life, he started missing me, he started asking about me from mutual friends....Eventually he contacted me and brought up the fact that how it pissedd him that I had forgotten about him. It has no explanation but NC does work marvellously to heal a broken heart and move on or to reconcile. Link to comment
emalkoc Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 DG, are you really really not asking for yourself? sorry to be harsh but you need to stick to your NC w/ Dubai girl.. I think longterm NC diminishes all kinda bad feelings, and the passion, only thing left will be good memories...If you think you connect to EX in the future again, it will be like a new date without remembering bad stuff at first...then everything is roll of a dice... cheers eric Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 i wrote an ex fiancee 5 years after she ditched me and i have yet to get a letter.... that has been 5 years since i mailed it. So i am forgotten Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hmm Angry Heat, you are making me want to break contact now! i wonder if ive given it enough time in NC though... but i dont want her to find it easier to leave me with a new guy because were not talking.. or maybe she is thinking about the good times already! I wish i could get into her head lol lol, it's up to you. You donnot have to do NC! It's not law! But like I said, you really have to be at a stable point in the breakup. LC can do more damage than good in a lot of cases. You've just gotta be honest with yourself. If you don't get the response you want, if you don't get ANY response, if they only want to be friends...is that going to break your heart all over again?! You really do have to be at a point where the way they react, won't have a big effect on your emotions, health, and healing. I am at a point where my life is imporoving, and he won't be able to change that. I realise I might not ever get him back, and I realise if I don't someone who is worth more will come along. Yes, I do love him and miss him, and want him back. BUT if I don't get him back, I won't go back 100 steps like I would have, and did before. Yes I would obviously be disappointed, and hurt, but I have people and things around me, and my world won't crash again because of him. See what I mean? Have an honest chat with yourself (atlough maybe not in others company ) and see where you're at. Link to comment
dreamguy Posted March 13, 2008 Author Share Posted March 13, 2008 DG, are you really really not asking for yourself? sorry to be harsh but you need to stick to your NC w/ Dubai girl.. Yes, I'm positive. It's not about me and I am not asking myself. It was just a general post concerning the dilemma that NC can create about whether or not your ex forgets about you. Link to comment
Mustang Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I wish i could get into her head lol Likewise! Not your ex mind you. My ex. Obviously. Link to comment
Cartman08 Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Thanks for this thread, been wondering the same thing & i dont think someone can just stop loving someone that quick can they? Link to comment
rjm0827 Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 My and my girl dated 5.5 years. I was certain LC was the way to go for us. We did it roughly 2 months and it was great. Until you find out she isn't only talking to you but someone else as well. I have been doing NC now and it's a LOT easier. LC can work but you gotta be stable and ready for another letdown in most, not all, cases. Link to comment
MNmike Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 I have had experiences with NC with 3 girls, and each time it made them WANT to see me. Back in 02 I told a girl that broke up with me, after her wanting to be friends for months, to never contact me again in any way. Well a month later of NC she e-mailed, 3 months later she called and wanted to see me. I never did, because she had problems and was wayyy to hurtful in the relationship. About 3 years ago I did NC with my current ex. I called after a about a month and asked to go out for coffee. She was happy to hear from me. It worked out and eventually we got back together a few months later. Only after I was DONE trying to get her back, one night I was pissed, I said F*CK this and went home. Swore to myself I would never call her again, and I meant it. She obviously felt it, and called ME to apologize, brought me flowers, said she wanted me in her life etc. But she broke up with me again in Nov 07. I have now been in NC for 3 months. And I'm not calling this time. She started dating a guy right after. She wanted to see me, but I knew about the guy and she didn't know I knew. So she thought we could be friends. Said she would call me in the future to see each other because she missed me. And was angry when I said I would not see her. F*ck that lets be friends crap. I am not at that point, and may never be. So whatever the outcome this time NC is the ONLY choice for me. We were together for 5 years, it hurts like hell still after 3 months of NC. Which is why I must remain in NC until it does not hurt like this. I'll be able to talk to her in the future, because after all I care about her, she was a special person to me for a long time. And honestly, I KNOW she would like to see me, and talk to me. But at this point I cannot give her that satisfaction after what has happened. So, NC from my experiences does not make them forget you, it has done the opposite. Also when you feel like you've had enough and put your big a*s foot down and mean it, they come crawling back. And the main point in the last sentence is you have to MEAN it and FEEL it. Because when you feel like you have done your best and have nothing to lose, and you don't need them. They always react. Link to comment
emalkoc Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 MNmike, I think more so than NC, your standing up to your ex brought them...Yes, NC does help to bring their guard down and then bang! your ultimatum or standing for yourself make woman wonder you as such confident person..That's the key in my opinion. 3 times in my past, I told girls to "dont ever call me again, you are confusing me" repeately, they came back within 2days-1 week. But it was sorta LC and I never initiated a contact...all depends.. cheers eric Link to comment
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