Emotional Abuse

GuiltyForFeelingSad · 06-15-2006, 01:52 AM

My mother doesn't understand that she's emotionally abusive to me. I try to explain to her that what she says to me when she's unhappy makes me unhappy, as well, but she tells me that I'm only twenty and she's done her best for me and I have no right to be sad.

She harrasses me about simple things like mistakes doing chores and becomes absolutely livid when I'm sick, because she's always sick and I should just learn how to suck it up and deal with being sick.

I know I need to get away from her before I kill myself, but I don't have the money to go anywhere, on my own. I work a part-time job and could possibly live in a one-bedroom apartment, or with roommates on that money, but I live in South Mississippi and there's nowhere to go now that so many people have moved into my town after Hurricane Katrina.

I can't make her understand that she's making me hate myself, and I have to admit that sometimes she's a really nice person, but it can't be normal to want to die at least three weeks out of every month.

Someone please give me advice on how to deal with my mother or move out. I feel like I may have something good to give to the world if I can get myself back into college and away from my mom. I was a good student in high school and a happy child.

Spugly Fuglet · 06-15-2006, 02:00 AM

Well the good newss is you are ment to feel this way, it part of "time to go make my own home" the bad news it your 20 but your mum thinks you 12, you need that mother chat where you say "IM BLOODY 20 STOP IT!!"
Sorry but you can try a stutel way 1st but it will come to the above in the end. As you mum sound like she dos not wont to see you go and is clinging on, once you go you could be taking the main point of her life away you need to show here that your not that she will always be part of your life but that you must become the woman wife mother your are destind to be. She must also find new meaning in her life as mother hows child has grown up. Most find there mothers to become the best mates and thats I feel it should be.

But she has to start seeing you as a woman in your one right and that you have your own way of doing things which she will have to come to trams with if you are to stay at home.

will being a man and 40 thats my take hope it helps

itsallgrand · 06-15-2006, 02:02 AM

Are you depressed? Is that why you are sick?

GuiltyForFeelingSad · 06-15-2006, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsallgrand

Are you depressed? Is that why you are sick?

No, physically sick. Any kind of cold, injury, or physical illness, she thinks I should not let effect me. She wants me to always be happy and always cater to her, even though she is always sad. If I am sick, I should still be energetic and smiling, for her. I don't understand her reasoning.

Spugly Fuglet · 06-15-2006, 02:28 AM

I would say also see a Doc or therapist, or counsaling with or with out your mother

itsallgrand · 06-15-2006, 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GuiltyForFeelingSad

I can't make her understand that she's making me hate myself, and I have to admit that sometimes she's a really nice person, but it can't be normal to want to die at least three weeks out of every month.

This is what made me wonder if you may be suffering from depression. Bc it isn't normal to want to die at least three weeks out of every month.
Also, you mentioned killing yourself in your post.

Are you seeing a doctor or a therapist? It may be something to look into if you aren't currently.

I admit I initially read your post incorrectly: I thought you had said YOU are sick all the time. But it actually said Your Mom is sick all the time. I'm sorry to hear she is ill.

I did want to mention, though, that if you are depressed - or just the general stress of living in this situation - it can leave your body prone to becoming sick a lot.

So here's my ideas:
*Doctor.
*Can you pick up extra hours at work or get a second job? That would get you out of the house, (less time w/ mom) and make the money to move out on your own
*Begin planning to move out. Look at your options.
*Stay out of your mom's way as much as possible. Ask her for a specific chore list - do them, and then do not allow her to draw you in to speaking about it

The situation seems very unhealthy for you. As difficult as it is, I think you need to take care of yourself firstmost here, begin looking at practical actual steps to move out.

I'm sorry if that isn't much help. I do wish you well.

Tylin · 06-15-2006, 03:18 AM

If your mom hasn't listened to you by now, she probably won't ever understand. Its not your fault. Its an issue she needs to deal with herself-- probably something she doesn't like seeing in herself, so she's afraid to confront it.

Can you get a student loan and go to college? Could you get a dorm room? It sounds like it would be worth the investment and get you away from the destructive criticism. Plus, most colleges also have counselors that you can talk with to sort things out.

randiandriien · 07-11-2006, 06:57 AM

Well first of all...Hurricane Katrina...that will give you nightmares alone! Trust me, I've been there...I live in south Mississippi too. On top of that, with your mother...the best bet to me would be...fill out FAFSA online....try to get those grants, if not...get student loans...then head on up to southern and move into a dorm! You're not going to find anything at all even exceptionally priced on the coast now that supply has DROPPED and demand has RISEN! Besides, Hattiesburg is fun!

awalls37 · 07-12-2006, 12:57 PM

It's quite obvious that your mom is a narcissist! Believe me, I know what you're going through, my mom was and is still very verbally abusive to me.

It is NOT your responsibility to carry her load. You are NOT responsible for making sure she's happy. Narcissists (you should google it, pulls up some very interesting psychology articles and tips) thrive on believing that the entire world evolves around them! So you may have to deal with the fact that she may never change. I don't know what all you've been through of course, but with my mother, she will never go behind the level of awareness and thinking that she is at, so it's really IMPOSSIBLE for her to realize what I see about her.

I strongly URGE you to get the heck out while you can. This relationship is toxic to your mental well-being, so why put yourself through it? It's time for you to stand up for your future, you deserve to be treated like a human being. In your case, your mom also seems to have several deep emotional issues of her own, and it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to help her find resolve. It is her own personal journey and there's nothing you can do to help her reach the end of the puzzle.

My mom was alway super critical of me, still is...she used name calling, told me she wanted me to die, etc. It is crucial that you realize that you're sacrificing your well-being by staying there with false hopes. You should still let her know how you feel, of course. I hope all the best for you.

06-15-2006, 01:52 AM	#1
GuiltyForFeelingSad Offline Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2	Emotional Abuse My mother doesn't understand that she's emotionally abusive to me. I try to explain to her that what she says to me when she's unhappy makes me unhappy, as well, but she tells me that I'm only twenty and she's done her best for me and I have no right to be sad. She harrasses me about simple things like mistakes doing chores and becomes absolutely livid when I'm sick, because she's always sick and I should just learn how to suck it up and deal with being sick. I know I need to get away from her before I kill myself, but I don't have the money to go anywhere, on my own. I work a part-time job and could possibly live in a one-bedroom apartment, or with roommates on that money, but I live in South Mississippi and there's nowhere to go now that so many people have moved into my town after Hurricane Katrina. I can't make her understand that she's making me hate myself, and I have to admit that sometimes she's a really nice person, but it can't be normal to want to die at least three weeks out of every month. Someone please give me advice on how to deal with my mother or move out. I feel like I may have something good to give to the world if I can get myself back into college and away from my mom. I was a good student in high school and a happy child. Last edited by GuiltyForFeelingSad; 06-15-2006 at 01:54 AM.

06-15-2006, 02:28 AM	#5
Spugly Fuglet Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: London Village Gender: Male Posts: 1,698	I would say also see a Doc or therapist, or counsaling with or with out your mother Last edited by Spugly Fuglet; 06-15-2006 at 02:43 AM.

06-15-2006, 03:18 AM	#7
Tylin Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 99	If your mom hasn't listened to you by now, she probably won't ever understand. Its not your fault. Its an issue she needs to deal with herself-- probably something she doesn't like seeing in herself, so she's afraid to confront it. Can you get a student loan and go to college? Could you get a dorm room? It sounds like it would be worth the investment and get you away from the destructive criticism. Plus, most colleges also have counselors that you can talk with to sort things out. __________________ "And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am" -- Goo Goo Dolls

06-15-2006, 02:00 AM	#2
Spugly Fuglet Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: London Village Gender: Male Posts: 1,698	Well the good newss is you are ment to feel this way, it part of "time to go make my own home" the bad news it your 20 but your mum thinks you 12, you need that mother chat where you say "IM BLOODY 20 STOP IT!!" Sorry but you can try a stutel way 1st but it will come to the above in the end. As you mum sound like she dos not wont to see you go and is clinging on, once you go you could be taking the main point of her life away you need to show here that your not that she will always be part of your life but that you must become the woman wife mother your are destind to be. She must also find new meaning in her life as mother hows child has grown up. Most find there mothers to become the best mates and thats I feel it should be. But she has to start seeing you as a woman in your one right and that you have your own way of doing things which she will have to come to trams with if you are to stay at home. will being a man and 40 thats my take hope it helps

06-15-2006, 02:02 AM	#3
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Gender: None Specified Posts: 7,785	Are you depressed? Is that why you are sick?

07-11-2006, 06:57 AM	#8
randiandriien Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Hattiesburg, MS Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 329	Well first of all...Hurricane Katrina...that will give you nightmares alone! Trust me, I've been there...I live in south Mississippi too. On top of that, with your mother...the best bet to me would be...fill out FAFSA online....try to get those grants, if not...get student loans...then head on up to southern and move into a dorm! You're not going to find anything at all even exceptionally priced on the coast now that supply has DROPPED and demand has RISEN! Besides, Hattiesburg is fun!

07-12-2006, 12:57 PM	#9
awalls37 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Arlington, VA Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 10	It's quite obvious that your mom is a narcissist! Believe me, I know what you're going through, my mom was and is still very verbally abusive to me. It is NOT your responsibility to carry her load. You are NOT responsible for making sure she's happy. Narcissists (you should google it, pulls up some very interesting psychology articles and tips) thrive on believing that the entire world evolves around them! So you may have to deal with the fact that she may never change. I don't know what all you've been through of course, but with my mother, she will never go behind the level of awareness and thinking that she is at, so it's really IMPOSSIBLE for her to realize what I see about her. I strongly URGE you to get the heck out while you can. This relationship is toxic to your mental well-being, so why put yourself through it? It's time for you to stand up for your future, you deserve to be treated like a human being. In your case, your mom also seems to have several deep emotional issues of her own, and it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to help her find resolve. It is her own personal journey and there's nothing you can do to help her reach the end of the puzzle. My mom was alway super critical of me, still is...she used name calling, told me she wanted me to die, etc. It is crucial that you realize that you're sacrificing your well-being by staying there with false hopes. You should still let her know how you feel, of course. I hope all the best for you.