Batya33

I mean with this with total respect - is it possible you need a nap? Seriously -I've had to nap more lately -not long naps but I mean -I really need it -and it -helps my mood so much! Not right away but overall. I don't know if you "can" nap or even have time but back to basics first -sleep/hydration/reasonably healthful food stuff moms forget to give -to themselves!!

One thing I do which helps me is come up with tools in advance to go to when I feel triggered,short tempered, hangry etc - some are really minor even silly, others have more depth but as you know "in the heat of the moment" unless those tools you've planned for are front of mind -you'll "forget" and go with impulse. I think it's fine to be really specific in an apology and it shows authenticity. Focusing on what you are sorry for but not mentioning "oh and I'm not at all sorry that I said your hair looked frightful sis cause it did, k???" 😉 Just to make you laugh -my sister and I fought -so much!! -when we were younger. She was much prettier than me. But also was insecure about her looks so one time when she was horrible to me - I was maybe 9 or 10 -she is 5 years older -I taped little notes to every mirror in our apartment with her name and "is so ugly" "has ugly hair" etc. I know..... You have taken on and have a lot on your plate. "Holiday" on top of that sounds overwhelming.

To me physical features don't always correlate with sexual attraction. You are very focused on physical features and labeling "nerdy" and being surprised you feel sexual attraction to a man who is not -according to you - "typical" handsome whatever the heck that is. I went out with many objectively handsome man -I mean stereotypically -and felt nothing at all and went out with men who were not and we had great attraction and chemistry. You two are not FWB -he is not a friend to you -is he? Does a friend make thoughtless comments about other's body parts and hotness? Yes if he is having sex with you he likely is sexually attracted to you.

He's not dating because he doesn't have time -sure ok but it's not because "I plan on getting a divorce ASAP so I can date you" Very often physical features don't have much at all to do with sexual attraction.

My laugh emoji is only at the hilarious parts!! Thank you for the compliments - my son tells me I'm his favorite mother but -he's stuck with me -I'm the only one LOL Does sister live with your parents?

Because feelings aren't facts. Often not rational. Are you busy with other things? Why are you a lonely man? What can you do today to interact with the world a bit -can you- go for a really brisk walk outside for at least 15-20 minutes in the neighborhood or near your office at lunch time and notice -whatever -a tree, a bird? Are there any volunteer opportunities this weekend where you can interact with people? How often did you try to "help" your GF -did she reciprocate? Did you do stuff out of some sense of seeking her approval? Did you feel you liked being "needed?" too much of that isn't healthy and she may have felt you did stuff out of trying to be "nice" and win her over. That might be something now to read up on or learn about for the next time and that process may also distract you from looking at her SM (which you might want to block, right?)

My sister's first of four was born in the late 80s and my son was born in 2009 -and before I was a mother I helped a lot whenever I was there and took two of her children for sleepovers and I also helped my friends with young kids when I went over to their homes etc. I know, I know -everyone is different and yes sometimes a mom knows -more -like before one of my nieces was a mom (she has 3 young kids!) she and I were hanging out in my parents' bedroom alone to catch up -she was in her early 20s- my baby was sleeping in the next room -nap time. I heard the slightest sound -you know -the mom hears all - lol - and I told her -oh you know he's going to be up soon -going to go check on him and she insisted I was hearing things lol. I had certain friends who were clueless because they did not have kids (especially if they did not want kids). And yes-one time I traveled close to two hours to see a friend in person I hadn't seen in ages- she had two kids under 4 maybe-and yes when I arrived I wanted to talk to her -one on one -catch up -and she told me later that it was hard for her since I didn't bring children over -to keep her kids occupied (this was pre-kid for me). I realized it was probably not the best idea to expect her attention so the next time I went over I brought children's book to read to them and hung out with them too. But I think your sister knew way in advance what the deal is -and for sure if she had work calls that's different and yes she has a partner - but if I were invited to a cabin with a family with 3 young kids I'd assume it would be -kid-centered and that I'd contribute to helping with them. Again -everyone is different and I think the choice to have her leave earlier was a good one.

Happy bday to your husband! You're incredibly self-aware and I hope not too hard on yourself but I like the way you analyze what you did/what you felt even in your body-the tension -and what you might have done differently. I also know of families who -for vacation -cruise or go to all inclusive resorts because there are kid camps or drop off places for kids so the adults can.... adult.Wasn't for us (including when growing up -if that was even available -don't recall). I do like the way it acknowledges that a family "holiday" need not be so much -togetherness I guess. I hope your youngest is feeling better!

I'm sorry you're hurting. Did you typically give her unsolicited input on her mindset/reactions/victimhood or did she ask you what you thought about her flavor of the day rant about how life was so unfair to her? Around your age-ish -a bit later -I learned with rare exception to stop giving unsolicited advice and/or telling someone something they already knew. It meant holding back a lot but it also improved my close friendships. And as an aside when I was 27 I wanted to be a mom so so badly and my sister who was then 32 already had 3 of her 4 kids and seemed to be soooo happily married so yes I was jealous and also because my mother favored her when it came to giving attention -my sister took priority because she had the job and role of mother. Yes I could be happy for her, yes I was a very involved Aunt to her kids and it still hurt a lot and I was jealous! So I feel for your friend and at the same time I get that she's all victim hood pity party about everything. If she comes back around or you do I'd see if maybe different boundaries would help -have your fun with her, avoid the trigger topics and/or ask her if she's looking for your input and if she rants too much make a polite excuse and or end the evening early. I'm sorry you're hurting -been there!!

Giving people the benefit of the doubt doesn't mean you keep dating the person as opposed to being friendly acquaintances and I'd reevaluate whether this is truly a value of yours or whether -when it comes to a potential relationship -you're more motivated by fear like of being on your own, etc. I'm glad you're going to end it -good choice.

Had this record back in the 70s and a sort of personal -indirect -connection to the Jackals! Listened to it today.

40 for me!

Yes you're right -must have been that tour!

You feel what you feel. No shoulds except you shouldn't be lying to yourself that you "can't" leave and "somehow" you end up meeting up with him again.

Saw her perform in May 1990! Awesome Thank you!