ShySoul

A major part of why you broke up hasn't changed. If it didn't work then, it's not going to work now. Follow the pattern. He's consistently tried to make you feel bad and guilty. He refuses to accept responsibilty or respect your feelings. That's not a person you should be around, let alone in a relationship with. He keeps trying because he thinks he can get away with it. It's worked in the past, so he'll keep pushing his luck until you cut the ties for good. He's shown you who he is, believe him. No need to see him, just tell him it's done. Don't give him an opportunity back in.

As for having friends, just live your life and do what you enjoy doing. Be happy being alone and simply have fun. Friendships will happen when they are suppose to happen. The couple of true friends I've had in my life came when I wasn't looking and didn't have to do anything to get. We met by chance and simply talked, realizing we had much in common. A friend could be anywhere and met at any time. So don't worry or stress about it. Just focus on your life and be open to things when they come up. And if you really want to meet new people, there are groups for everything under the sun. What is your hobby? I guarantee there is a message board or site out there for it. I love to play a niche card and dice game by myself. Most people have probably never heard of it. Yet there were enough players in the area to have a small get together last year and quarterly online gatherings for players all over the world. Whatever your interest, someone out there shares it.

The thing with "chronic victims" is that attempts to call them on their behavior just gives them a new opportunity to play the victim. Now you are the one attacking them and trying to tell them what to do. At the same time, you don't want to play into their victimhood and just agree with them. It's a delicate balance to weave and one a lot of people can't navigate. So they give up, which just sends the chronic victim into another bout of complaints about no one being there. It's an endless loop for them. These people are generally lonely and lash out because they don't know how to cure the hurt they feel inside. Any reminder of other peoples happiness just reminds them of their unhappiness. Until they learn to be happy with themselves, they will never be healed. In dealing with them, listen to a point to give them the feeling of being heard. A pregnant sister is a joyful situation. But it's also painful reminder of whats missing for those who feel alone in the world. So be sympathetic. Then lead by example. Do things with them that avoids their complaints or forces them to do the things that would solve their issues. And if it still doesn't work, it's fine to walk away (assuming you have that option).

Suicide is a serious matter that should not be joked about. In general, be careful what you joke about as you never know when you might hit a topic that has affected the other person and might bring up painful memories. Best to stick to lighter, inoffensive things. You already apologized. If she is still speaking with you, odds are something said months ago won't be a sticking point. So let it go. Use it as a learning experience to watch what you say. Also in the future, just keep it simple and direct. Why ask her if she used to like you? Why not just come out and say you like her? Why not ask her out and let her answer tell you her feelings? Playing games dancing around the subject didn't get you further. Phrasing it as you did also put all the pressure on her. Confessing your feelings would have meant actually saying your feelings, not trying to get her to say hers. Her feelings for you are going to be whatever her feelings for you are. What you do is not likely to change that. A person's feelings for someone is based on the whole of their time together, not just one moment. And it's based on their own emotions and internal thoughts. So the best thing to do is just treat people with respect and kindness in general. When you do express deeper feelings for someone, simply be honest and speak from the heart.

None of us here know her or her family situation, so any comment directed at her or her motivation is soley that's persons opinion. I'm going to take you at your word that she is a nice person who isn't trying to leech off of you. For starters, are there other loans or scholarships she could take out? I got scholarships from my university and an outside source to help make up the difference. If one source doesn't provide enough, perhaps look into alternate sources? Is there a cheaper education option nearby? You can still get a decent education from smaller schools that might help reduce her costs. There is also the possibilty that she might want to delay or extend her education. If you're having trouble making ends meet and having food and a roof over your head, perhaps taking time to get that covered should come first? Save up and take classes when you can or go back once you have a bit if a nest egg? Watch what you spend. If she can't make rent or cover the basics, then traveling shouldn't be the top priority. Or do a small weekend trip someplace nearby. There are plenty of ways to take a break and have fun that can be done cheaply, especially if money is an issue. Realize that you can't solve her financial issues, nor should you feel like it has to fall to you. These are lessens she has to learn for herself. It's nice that you want to help her, but it isn't doing either of you any good if she isn't picking up the slack herself.

That's bad and you have ever right to feel hurt, upset, and angry. But it could have been worse. Try the woman saying she's engaged a month after she's saying I love yous and talking about a future together. Or saying she's married a month after that. If that's not cruel, not sure what is. It's not actually about hurting you. It's about running from their own issues and feeling the need to appear okay. I've seen it several times from people. A relationship ends, usually because of them, and they don't want to face the truth. They can't handle dealing with the things they might have done, their own fears and insecurities. So it is easier to play the victim and make the other person into the bad guy. That can include rushing into another relationship and throwing it in the person's face. After all, if they got someone so quickly, they couldn't possible have been the problem, right? But it's all just a facade to mask their real feelings. You treated her well. You were there for her. You did exactly what you should have done. She was the one who wasn't ready for that. This is all on her, not you. You deserve someone better who will appreciate you. If anything, she saved you time by showing who she currently is. She doesn't deserve any more tears, doesn't deserve the anger or time thought about. What helped me through my experience was to actually feel sorry for her. She's stuck with this juvenile mindset of revenge and avoiding her issues, which is really just sad and pathetic when you think about it. You, on the other hand, are free to have something much more meaningful when the time is right.

If it helps, you're not alone. I often feel just like you. My family was one mess after another. Believe only contact any of us have now is because I make a point to call my mom every week. Friends have been few and far between and even then something happens and we lose touch. I'm at a point where the possibilty of a family of my own feels like a longshot at best. I usually feel like the outstider, a spectator watching a world I've never really fit into. Some days are a struggle just to get through the hours. I wish I could give you a answer, some explanation why some people feel this way. I wish I could give you a solution and make everything better for you. But the only thing I know is what keeps me going. Faith. I know people like us have a purpose. I know we are needed. No matter what we endure, that will only serve to make us stronger. You're world is not pathetic if you choose to make it otherwise. There has to be something that makes you feel better, brings you comfort. It can be anything. Start small. No matter how small or insignificant you might think it is, find it and hold onto it. The smallest thing can be a reason to continue. And that small thing can grow into something meaninful and remarkable. Know that you have one friend here who is thinking of you and wishing the best for you. I'm hoping brighter days are coming. Keep the faith.

You have every right to be concerned. Someone in a relationship should't be looking for an escort, regardless if they actually go through with it. If they do, that's not only disrepectful and cheating, it brings up all kinds of health concerns. And if they don't, why look in the first place? The focus should be on the one you're with. This is really about what you are comfortable with and will give you what you need: Do you believe him when he says he has a porn additction? Has he shown signs or taken steps to stop it? Are you okay knowing this about him? Are you okay working through it with him? Do you feel you can trust him when he goes someplace? Or will you constantly be questioning his every action? Are you okay with him having a whole spearate group of friends and not being invited to be a part of it? Have you expressed your desire to be included? If so, how did he respond? Are you fine with him taking a trip and getting so wasted it affects him for weeks after? Personally, I don't think that speaks well to his maturity level. Relationships aren't based in scentific facts. They are emotional. If you feel there is a problem, there probably is. If you want to keep the relationship, you need to work with him and honestly discuss the issues. He'll need to show understanding and demonstrate that he wants to do what he needs to in order for you to feel better. If either of you don't feel you can do this, then it's not the right relationship for you.

What was the cause of the breakup? What issues were going on back then? Could what's happening know be a continuation of what you previously experiened? Are you prone to be suspicious and have trust issues? Has he lied about other things, cheated, or often made you feel guilty when you express yourself? It's hard to know if you should trust him if we don't have knowledge of his history with you. He could have lied about his trip, or there could be a reasonable explanation, no way for us to know. But the bigger concern is his reaction. In a good relationship partners talk through what happened, each supporting the others feelings and making sure they feel heard. Sounds like his focus was on deflecting anything from him and making you feel bad. That's not a sign of a healthy relationship. You weren't wrong to confront him. Talking with someone is the only way to get through things and is much better then holding it in. If you want to continue with him though, I'd make sure he is willing to respect your feelings and show you support when something is bothering you, whatever it is.

Yes! People have the tendency to jump to the physical aspect of sex. But sex is every bit as emotional and mental, probably more so. Ultimately, sex isn't what people crave, it's the connection between two people. It's being loved, desired, and needed. It's feeling safe and secure with someone enough to share ourselves with. It's the feeling of not being alone, of being able to open ourselves completely. Sex is merely the physcial means of expressing that. Yes, it might feel nice. But without the other aspects, it will eventually feel hollow and unrewarding. graphicdesigner, when you were younger you probably weren't thinking about or ready for serious commitment. So these kind of situations were okay with you. But meeting your husband changed that. You found someone who you could connect with on all levels - physical and emotional. After losing him (and I'm sorry for your loss), you've been lonely. That's natural. I think you weren't ready to fully invest yourself in a real relationship, so you tried to go back to what you knew from before. But you're not the same person you were decades ago. You tried to be okay with it being about sex, but now that you've experienced more, it's not something you can go back to. That's not something wrong. That's called maturing. You also admit to being insecure about yourself. You can't rely on others for validation. Ultimately, we have to be the ones to make ourselves feel good, having faith and confidence in ourselves. If you keep seeking it from others, that just leaves you vulnerable to people who will not treat you right, as this guy seems to be doing. As much as having a relationship might be something you long for, and as nice as sex might feel, the best thing for you is to work on yourselves. Only when you are truly happy with you can you fully embrace all a relationship can offer. And when you do, there will be a guy who will treat you a lot better, showing you the love and support you deserve.

If it was was working for you, you probably won't be having these thoughts. You wouldn't be getting jealous at him for speaking about other women. You wouldn't be thinking about him as much as it sounds like you do. The nature of FWB is suppose to be no strings attached and can only really work if neither side develops real feelings. Problem is, inevitably someone does. Doesn't mean you like him enough to have a relationship. You might not be ready for that, with him or anyone. But you've developed some degree of feelings and formed an attachment. You're not getting out of this what you need to feel good about things - both physically and, more importantly, emotionally. You did bring it up. The reaction you can't was a hostile one where you got made at for expressing your feelings. That's not healthy in an actual relationship, nor is it healthy in FWB. For any kind of relationship to work, both sides need to show respect for each other's feelings and work together with open, honest communication. FWB will always have a natural shelf life, a limit before one or both parties are no longer experiencing enough of the benefits. Perhaps it would be better to see this as a sign the arrangement is at it's end? Perhaps you would be better served focusing less on him and more on youself?

Regarding the texting girl: There's no rule or limit for how much you can or should text or call (well, other then what specific phone planes might allow 😉). If the two of you enjoy it and have fun with it, then talk all you want. At one point I was chatting online with someone every night for hours at a time. And if we weren't online, we were on the phone. We could go from topic to topic. And if we didn't have a topic, we'd do something silly like play each other songs over the phone. Point was we liked communicating with each other and came out of the conversations feeling happy. So if the two of you are happy for your conversations, then no need to stop. At the same time, recognize that at some point you should meet in person. It is easy to be swept in the fantasy element. Doesn't mean things can't go forward or that long distance can't work But it's wise to take your time and make sure that the connection is real. I've had a couple brushes with romance that started as an online friendship, met in person, and became more. Yes there are drawbacks. But it can also be very rewarding. Really, you take all the same risks in a relationship regardless of how you meet or where you are at. It comes down to how the people involved feel and how much they are willing to put in. This is about doing what will make you happy and following your heart. Which girl are you truly interested in, if any? Which one do you feel that connection and bond with? Who do you look forward to talking to and being around? Who do you feel most comfortable talking and sharing things with? Who do you want to get to know better? That's the one with pursuing. Even if it doesn't work out like you hope, I've found that I've never regretted doing what my heart guides me to do.

When I was tutoring I was taught to encourage SMART goals - goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. It helped to focus students on things that mattered to them and allowed them to see actual progress so they felt encouraged to continue and meet the goals. This was with adult students as well, so applies no matter the age. Maybe that could help? Rather then a vague goal of a life purpose or building a future, try a specifc smaller goal that is important in this moment with measurable steps you can take to get complete by a certain time?

Life is what happens when you are making other plans. Sometimes that's what happens. You can go into something full force and expect one result. But there are so many factors at play that it doesn't turn out anything like you thought it would be. The perfect job/relationship/home/whatever doesn't turn out to be so perfect. You start to think something else wold be better for you instead. I think most people have felt that at some point. I've also had my share of moments where it's hard to find motivation or a purpose why I'm here. It's okay. Life is a journey that takes any number of winding roads. It's okay to make a plan, throw out the plan, and make a new plan. You don't have to solve everything all at once. Rather then a large, overarching long term goal, try short term goals. As my best friend always tells me, start small. Pick one thing at a time and do it. It can be anything. Don't see it a a long to do list, that just makes it feel larger in your head and seem like an impossible task to complete. But if the list is only one item, it becomes a lot easier to finish. Instead of cleaning out the garage, make a goal clearing out one box. Even make a goal out of something fun, like visting that museum you've been wanting to go to or see that play you've heard about. The point is to do something rather and feel good about it, rather then drag yourself through the motions and feel regret over what you didn't do. Eventually you'll start clearing out the little things and will hopefully start feeling more encouraged to tackle larger things. When you get there, I'd just focus on what my heart is telling me. When you think about your life, what is it that has sparked the most joy in you? What is it that has made you feel the happiest? When you realize that, that's when you find your purpose. But it's okay if it takes longer to figure it out or if you have to try several things. Just try to have fun on the journey.

Biggest think I can recommend is to look at your mindset. You are allowing your imagination to run away with itself and that's causing your anxiety. At this point he is an acquaintance you find attractive. You don't know him well enough to be in love. Having a conversation or spending time together isn't going to make or break your relationship, whatever kind of relationship that ends up being. Even the worse case scenario of him having a girlfriend isn't a rejection of you, it's finally getting clarification on where things stand. I've been there, having feelings for someone and not being able to say anything to them. The bigget obstacle was removing the mental block of my imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios. In the end, I had to realize that whatever was going to happen would happen. Nothing was going to be as bad as things I had imagined, so why not go for it? And whatever happens, it's better then the regret of not saying anything at all. I'd confirm with him his plans on what's he's doing if he's not coming back. I'd tell him you've enjoyed the brief chats, but you're sorry you've never gotten to realy get to know him better. Offer to have lunch or something before he goes. The important thing is to not view this as the moment a potential relationship is created or destroyed, but as two friends who would be hanging out and getting to know each other better. From there you can see how much chemistry exists. One step at a time.