lostandhurt

What works for me is I ask myself why I am really upset or angry. Is it them or the situation or is it me? In this case and although it was not in the best taste to make out at the bar (that is why they invented corner booths) 😉 it seems it wasn't what they were doing but how you feel inside. I would imagine if you were in a relationship or had someone in your life your reaction would be way different. Many times we project our internal struggles onto the rest of the world. The fact that you ask the question means you are aware of yourself and are not blaming others but it is hard to look onto others that have what you desire so much and not feel something negative. Lost

Dude seriously? If anyone has a right to be upset it is your gf. You left to take a quick shower and return but went shopping and visited with your mother. To me it looks like you are in the wrong here and have zero reason to be heartbroken. Let it go before she realizes you left her there in labor while you went shopping. Be happy you have a healthy baby boy and his mother is doing fine. Anything else is your bruised ego showing its ugly face. Lost

What would happen if you simply called her? No asking permission, just hit the green button and see what happens. The thing is you have already bent way over backwards for her and have shown patience and understanding and if she is that shy she shouldn't even be on a dating app wasting others time. I have been in your shoes where seemingly endless texts or messages with little movement towards actually meeting has happened. You need to realize what I did which is that you cannot "good guy" or convince them you are not a threat or out to use them. They have to take a leap of faith but there are some that get paralyzed by the thought of meeting in person. You have put time in on her so give it one last shot at moving it forward but also continue to chat to other women. If she is not willing to trust you even a little to meet in public then wish her well and leave it at that. I know it seems like a good idea to leave the door open by telling her "if you change your mind let me know" but that will have you waiting and hoping for her to do just that so it is probably best to just tell her it was nice getting to know her, wish her well but you want someone to actually meet and get to know in person. It is so hard to actually connect with someone you are truly interested in so I get why you want to keep trying with her. Lost

It is never to late to see things clearly and try and fix a mistake. It was a mistake to hang in there this long but that doesn't mean it is a life sentence. Seek some legal advice, look into selling the house and most of all find a therapist that can help you with your self esteem as she has crushed yours. There is a life away from this woman and being alone and co parenting would be way better then continuation in this sham relationship. Your daughter will be fine and you are very correct that she may learn this is how a healthy relationship is supposed to be so you will not only be saving yourself but your daughter as well. Lost

She cheated and then continued beyond a one time thing. That was not bad judgment, it was a clear choice. What we do from the day we are born until the day we die is what makes us who we are, mistakes and all but most of the time how we handle past mistakes shows what we are truly made of. No matter age or circumstances owning our mistakes is the only way to learn from them. Lost

Your husband has known all these years that you are a cheater and accepted you for who you are now but when you didn't tell him right away the guy you cheated with all those years ago was now a coworker it brought all that right back in his face. Did he handle it well? No he didn't but I can totally understand his reaction. Let him calm down and process what you told him then sit down and talk to him. If you do not want to work at the same place as your ex then make sure you know exactly why and related that to your husband in a statement, not a question. You made some terrible choices back then and they have come back to haunt you but it doesn't mean you cannot make good choices now to get some peace back into your life. With any sensitive subject like past cheating it is always best to not delay, hide or diminish anything and be upfront right away with your current partner. Just because it happened a long time ago means nothing. He will come around once the shock wears off Lost

Let me put this into simple terms. You are a doormat. You let your partner walk all over you and then you apologize. Not good and if you are okay with it that is not good either. Women want to feel safe, appreciated, adored, respected and listened to plus so many more things I cannot fit on this page. But they also want to respect you as well. They want to be with someone that stands up for themselves, has pride in themselves and is not afraid of speaking up. Being dominant is not a good trait in a relationship but being confident and even a little cocky is as well as being genuine, understanding, funny, relaxed, playful and vulnerable. What that women did was wrong and cost you a lot of money and it should not have been let go. She sounds awful anyways. Remember we teach others how to treat us with our own actions. Your actions or inaction's show them you are kind of spineless and will not stand up for yourself. That my friend is very unattractive. Lost

Been down this road and that is how it started. "I had a dream about you last night" She was a vindictive person that was an assistant director over me. I had no interest and she was married but I paid the price as she spent years coming after me. Do yourself a favor and put some distance between this woman and yourself at least until you work somewhere else. If you want to date an older woman go on a dating site and message women 10 - 15 years older than you, I am sure you will meet someone. Lost

Why does it matter if he doesn't have money? or a good job or anything your wife needs because she has you at home waiting to kiss her butt when she returns from her "finding herself" trips? If you are okay being a cuckold then keep pretending this is all a good thing and try and not think about it. If not then put a stop to it. You are paying for this guys travel so she has a travel companion and sex when she wants it. The simple fact here is she lied by omission and you were shown chats she wanted you to see after the fact, not the chats that actually happened. It must be torture sitting at home while she is off finding herself with another man. Is this the way you want to live your life? Lost

I am curious why you are so interested in the meaning of his questions. In the end what you should be focusing on is that he called you a liar several times to your face. That is all you really need to know. Is this a man you want to share your body with? I am sure there are plenty of men that will treat you way better in this context. Lost

Ask him out and be clear it is a date. Start some small talk with him and then tell him this: "I really like you and wanted to know if you would like to go on a date so we can get to know each other better" Keep it simple and direct. Then you will know one way or another on everything. If he says yes great, get to know him and see for yourself if he is a selfish jerk or not. If he says no thanks then you can stick a pin in this and not have any regrets. Don't sit back and wait for what you want, go out and get it. Take control over what happens in your life instead of just letting it happen. Lost

Single Guy, Instead of trying to think this all out and all the possibilities why not just ask her out on a date and see how things go. As of right now most of this is in your head/heart not in real life. I wouldn't tell her how I feel just yet, ask her out on a proper date and if she accepts enjoy yourself, get to know each other and see how you feel after. If you really like her and enjoy her company then ask her out again and so on. Far to many of us want to know how it will all play out or have imagined how it all will go in our heads way before the first or second date which put way to many expectations on something that should be spontaneous and fun. Putting the cart before the horse as it were. The age thing is another reason to ask her out on a date if nothing else to alleviate your own misgivings on what others might think. Once you are out with her I think all that will fade away. Let us know how it goes Lost

A buddy of mine dated a woman like this. It was like she didn't know how to be treated well but complained about all the jerks she had dated in the past and punished him for their behavior. He is a good guy but she kept doing things that made it impossible to be with her. She was a hot mess and yes unstable. This happens and you will meet other women like this unfortunately. The thing is you cannot punish others for what someone else did to you. Keep an open mind, offer medium trust and let it build from there but don't change who you are because of her. She wants to hurt you but what she is actually doing is showing you that you made the right choice. You are young but are already learning a lot and making pretty good choices. Sure it may have been a mistake to even start this roller coaster ride but in time you will see them more clearly up front. Don't feel bad about any of this, guys have been making this mistake since the dawn of time and will keep making it. We think with our eyes instead of our minds... Lost

Excellent advice.

Many times on this forum we read threads like yours where some of us read through the words waiting for the shoe to drop that they had "met someone" and now are rethinking their marriage/relationship. In your case I am sure it showed you that you can be happy and feel good about yourself but the emotional affair did not bring on the demise of your marriage. I agree with bluecastle (like usual) that couples therapy is a great idea and who knows may wake your husband up to what he is putting you through. Many times I see people offer the advice to dump them/divorce them which is easy to say but in reality is much harder to do emotionally. You are married and have a child together and even though it doesn't feel like it now were once in love and happy. Therapy can help you both come to terms with the end of the marriage if it comes to that and it will help you not have any regrets once the choice is made one way or another. People can change if they accept what they are and want to change. Your husband could become a great guy but unfortunately that kind of change only happens after someone loses everything. There is no rush but you need to start moving in the direction of some sort of resolution. Simply enduring this for your daughter is not a solution and is in fact showing her this is what a relationship is like and she will imprint on it. Keep posting it will help as you write it all out. Lost