Hooking up

[Suzie Queen]

So I run into this guy I sort of know at a party, and he asks me to dance and then invites me over to his place. I don't know about him, but I was really drunk and so I said yes and we went to his place. Now, I'm not very experienced, so I was kind of awkward about this. We started to make out, but I didn't enjoy it at all, pulled away and then he took me home. It seems that all of the times I've kissed guys, its been in this context. I always end up not enjoying it, pulling away, and then going home only to feel weird and awkward. Is this normal? Why don't I enjoy kissing?

[Karhu]

So I run into this guy I sort of know at a party, and he asks me to dance and then invites me over to his place. I don't know about him, but I was really drunk and so I said yes and we went to his place. Now, I'm not very experienced, so I was kind of awkward about this. We started to make out, but I didn't enjoy it at all, pulled away and then he took me home. It seems that all of the times I've kissed guys, its been in this context. I always end up not enjoying it, pulling away, and then going home only to feel weird and awkward. Is this normal? Why don't I enjoy kissing?

 

the fact that you feel cis a clear sign that it's too soon and too fast.

only do what you feel comfourtable with at a pace you feel comfourtable with.

 

yes, this is normal, and actually very healthy. obviously you don't feel comfourtable kissing a guy you only met a couple of hours ago. many people don't feel comfourtable until after the second successfull date etc.

 

yes, being in a strangers home can also feel awkward, obviously a sign that it's too soon. it should feel a lot more comfourtable being there after a month or two of dating.

 

if a guy really likes you then he should respect your wishes not to make out till you feel comfourtable with it and not to go to his house till you feel comfourtable with it. and if he doesn't respect your wishes then you're better off finding someone that does respect your pace.

 

there is nothing wrong with simply thanking someone for a lovely dance and fantastic company, and asking if you can meet up for some other fun activities next weekend etc. and take it from there at a pace you feel comfourtable with.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think most likely drinking is the problem... it lowers your inhibitions and then you go home with strangers and feel awkward and some part of your more (conscious) mind recognizes you are drunk and don't know this person and fortunately gets you out of there.

 

physical relationships are fantastic with people you know, care about, and feel safe with, but sex with a total stranger is dicey at best, and dangerous at worst. so i'd limit your drinking if you are drinking so much it is clouding your judgment and making you do things that are not only not fun for you, but potentially dangerous.

 

try the kissing when you're sober, and with someone you really know and like, and i think you will find it a totally better experience.

[Karhu]

yes, drinking clouds your judgment!

 

try getting their contact details, sleeping on it, and if you're still interested in them when you wake up the next day. Then meet them again when you're sober with clear judgement, and take it from there, one step at a time.

[ghost69]

you know deep down why you are at these other guys' houses. they want to hook up and think they are going to by getting you alone. you are putting the cold shoulder on them by stopping. this is why you only end up making out. blus balls for them. lol. it appears you have morals, but use drinking as your excuse for this happening. maybe cut back.

[Suzie Queen]

I feel like I should be able to hook up with random guys - all my friends are able to and they all feel comfortable doing it. Why do I feel so awkward and uncomfortable? Would it be better if I were sober?

[ghost69]

i have no idea. maybe you are jumping on the bandwagon because your friends do. but your morals are holding you back and the drinking is your excuse for doing the things your friends do. but something is kicking in stopping you from making the full mistake against your morals.

[Karhu]

everyone is different. many people have never had a one night stand in their life, and could not emotionally bring themselves to do it.

 

why is it so important to try to hook up for one night stands anyway? I think a loving relationship is much healthier.

 

don't try to break down your morals so you can bring yourself to experiance one night stands, cherishthose morals as something that is holding you together, and saving yourself from the hollow empty feeling that often comes

from a lot of one nifght stands.

[ghost69]

i've had one night stands. now, if i could go back, i'd take them back. but in the heat of the moment i get caught up in it. it happens. i don't go out looking for one because my friends do it too.

[Karhu]

I’ve had one night stands. now, if i could go back, i'd take them back. but in the heat of the moment i get caught up in it. it happens. i don't go out looking for one because my friends do it too.

 

exactly! Suzie Queen, you're not missing anything by not having one night stands, you're lucky your instincts are kicking in at the last minute to save you from heartache. Don’t try to disable your good instincts.

[ghost69]

exactly! Suzie Queen, you're not missing anything by not having one night stands, you're lucky your instincts are kicking in at the last minute to save you from heartache. Don’t try to disable your good instincts.

 

think of all the things that could go wrong. you go to the guys house to hook up, he's a serial killer. highly unlikely, but...

 

you go to the guys house to hook up, you get aids, or something else.

 

you go to the guys house to hook up, he lives with mom.

 

one night stands are scary if you think about it.

[smilechild]

If you go home with someone you've just met, usually the intention is more than just kissing. If thats not what you want, you're probably pulling away because it's a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Try sticking to more public domains where it couldn't go any further and you might feel more comfortable and enjoy kissing more.

[ghost69]

yeah. you can kiss in public. i wouldn't invite a chick over to my place for some smoochin.

[Batya33]

I feel like I should be able to hook up with random guys - all my friends are able to and they all feel comfortable doing it. Why do I feel so awkward and uncomfortable? Would it be better if I were sober?

 

Why do you feel like you "should" be able to and how do you know your friends all feel comfortable? Some might feel comfortable, some might not but not feel comfortable telling you they do not and some might be in denial or barely remember what happened that night if alcohol was involved. There were a few times I was comfortable with hooking up (and I mean just kissing, a bit fooling around), a few times I was assaulted or in a very unpleasant position, and a few times it left me feeling empty. I've never been drunk so I can't say if being sober made a difference.

 

There are no "shoulds" - just the simple "hmm, does this feel ok to me?"

[ghost69]

a lot of women that have one night stands have internal issues with self esteem. they need someone to fill a void, but they can't handle a relationship.