At my wit's end ...

[Cassie]

I recently broke up with my boyfriend M after over a year of off/on again nonsense. Basically it couldn't work because he was constantly emotionally unavailable to me. There were also issues that surfaced, such as him being involved with other girls. He insists all these friendships were strictly platonic, but his sneakiness and aloofness did not sit well with the situation. These girls were also stepping over the line and leaving him emails and messages on his band website that were inappropriate in my eyes (such as saying they were going to throw their bras at him onstage, etc.)

 

Finally, exasperated, I told him to figure his **** out or leave me alone. I had loved this guy with my whole heart this past year, and yet it all seemed like a joke to him. I finally realized he was incapable of being the loving, stable, passionate, spiritual partner I am ultimately seeking. I began NC this past week in an attempt to shut him out of my life while I try to compose myself and tend to my raw emotional wounds.

 

M doesn't realize that I have caller ID, however. He called my house phone Friday. He called Saturday evening. He called Sunday. And, again, he called tonight, around 6 pm. But each time, he won't leave a message.

 

I'm desperately trying to move forward, to find forgiveness and allow myself proper time to heal. I just can't figure out what he's trying to accomplish. One of the last times we talked, he admitted he had serious intimacy issues. His 'issues' have affected me to a point that, although I love him, I just have nothing more to give.

 

My trust in men in general has been seriously shaken, and this relationship has had a serious toxic affect on me. I can't figure out, if he's afraid of a relationship, why won't he leave me alone?

[EvaGina]

becuase he wants to "win"

he wants to tell YOU to leave, and he cant handle that you were the one that broke up with him...

IE: hes a pathetic little boy and you are better off without him... the longer you stay away and the more distanced you get, the less toxic he will be for you

 

I know what you are going through, believe me... I cant talk to my evil ex now and feel nothing, its a good place to get to

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I think its great that you realize what you want and take the time for yourself to heal.

 

Relationships shouldnt be toxic and emotionally draining.

 

Im sure hes calling because he "suddenly" realizes how he feels about you and wants you back...youll get back together...and that will last a month if you are lucky and then hell be back to his old ways.

 

I think that you did the right thing by leaving that relationship.

 

You could always change your number if the calls get to be too much for you.

 

You should be proud of yourself for knowing what you want and not settling.

[Kalika]

I agree with the others.. It sounds like he had opportunities to change and didn't. His calling isn't uncommon.

 

He probably doesn't want to lose you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's actually ready to be the man you want/need!!

 

Sorry you're going through this, but you're a really nice girl and you shouldn't be with someone who can't reciprocate that goodness