I don't know how i'm going to make it...tell me this feeling ends

[Friknlove]

christ I feel like hell right now. The one i love is gone. now we are NC. It needs to be this way(NC), i think, but i want to call her so bad just to hear her voice. even though there is nothing to be said. I am totally lost, can't concentrate on anything, find happiness only in sleep.

 

All the things i used to like doing i dislike because she was always there with me. All i want is her to be by my side. I think i am slipping into a random depression, one minute I'll have accepted the situation for what it is and feel ok moving on with my life, the next minute I'll feel crappy. I try, oh I try so hard to be positive about things, but i just can't seem to stay on top. She could not give me an answer as to why our love was not strong enough to work things out. we almost never fought, had such great conversations...everything was perfect.

 

and yet i find myself clinging on to hope that maybe she just needs some time to heal. My sex drive is gone, my motivation for living is gone. I don't give a $hit about anything. we share mutual friends so you know how that goes. i've heard from friends that she doesn't feel like dating, that she is taking a break from guys. While i realize that i should probably try to move on, is it foolish of me to hang onto the fact that she doesn't want to date other guys. or was it just a lie to let me down easier.

 

I say I don't care, but i really do. I try to tell myself that she really is a shallow girl. truth is, she is the greatest. I am not a doormat, I don't allow myself to be walked on. sure, i get hurt, like now. the few fights we had, i was simply sticking up for myself. I feel like a doormat right now, am i have no fight left in me. I am trying to hold it together, but i'm slipping, and i don't know how much longer before i fold. i would never consider suicide or mutilation. I don't know what the "fold" is, but i can feel it coming and it is scaring the * * * * outta me. is it rock bottom?

[friscodj]

I am not a doormat, I don't allow myself to be walked on. sure, i get hurt, like now. the few fights we had, i was simply sticking up for myself. I feel like a doormat right now, am i have no fight left in me. I am trying to hold it together, but i'm slipping, and i don't know how much longer before i fold.

 

Hey F-

 

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I know how you feel and it is certainly a dark, hopeless place. That is an understatement...there really are no words for it...

 

You keep telling yourself this, that you are not a doormat. This woman doesn't want to be with you so don't be with her, don't give her anything because it isn't going to do any good. She sounds to be gone, especially when friends echo this sentiment.

 

And this isn't your fault man, it really isn't. It sounds like you guys just aren't a good fit for each other for whatever reason. You stood up to her while you were together, keep doing so. Keeping standing up to your urges here because they are fruitless and I believe you know this. It is a matter of staying strong at this point.

 

It's OK to grieve and do what you need to do to process the grief short of suicide or permanently harming yourself or someone else. You know this too. Whatever you need to do, do it, but do so away from her. Cry, scream, punch things, post here, keep a journal, whatever your coping mechanism is short of involving her in the process because she is gone and a different person to you now.

 

Adrenaline has always helped me get over things like this. I urge you to find your niche, practice and develop a passion and an escape for you, whether it be sport, art, music, etc. Find something and immerse yourself in it. Get familiar with happiness outside of her and the relationship and replace the familiarity with her and the relationship, the detachment from which is tearing you apart right now. That familiarity will fade and the detachment will happen in time.

 

Stick it out man, you'll get there I guarantee it and I also guarantee you will meet someone else and love again. You can hold me to that.

[Cassie]

Friknlove, who initiated the breakup, and how long has it been since the relationship dissolved? Everything you are experiencing (the pain, helplessness, listlessness, depression) are natural. I'm in a similar horrifying cycle myself. It helps immensely to take one day at a time and to find strength in pushing yourself forward through each (sometimes excruciating) moment. It does, and will, get better with the wonderful healing power of time.

 

It hurts to know the loss of a loved one. But don't let her break your spirit. There is a wonderful woman out there who will love and bring you more joy than you could ever imagine. Hang in there. Consider each day a victory and try to absorb yourself in new activities. You can't force someone to love you if they don't - but you can learn how to love yourself.

[mikeca]

it gets better man! with time...you begin to pick up the pieces and move forward, and thats what you need to do. Keep trying new experiences so you can enrich yourself and become a better individual.

[Alexgr8]

Hang in there bud. I can relate to what you are going threw. Take things one day at a time.

 

Give the girl her space. And I mean space. Let her realize what you guys have. There is nothing you can say or do to help her. She will see things her own way. If you push at all she could hate you for it.

 

If it makes you feel better I was in your shoes. As far as having the greatest girl. Having showed her and she showed me what I call the greatest times of are life. We grew apart some and broke around v-day. I quickly released I my life was empty without her. I started to talk to her very deeply. Sent flowers cards, etc. I drove her some how into hating me. We have not talked in 7weeks and I am a mess. Before nc started every thing in her life became my fault no friends, her being depressed, etc. Now she want even respond to a happy holiday text and has moved on into another mans arms from what I here only 4days after we broke. 4years down the tubes.

 

You are young. And sound like good person. I went with my emotions not playing any games and it burnt me big time. I am left with my heart split open and no were to go. Be carefull as it sounds like you really love her. Give her her space and think things threw before you act.

 

Here is a example. My ex always wanted me to learn how to cook. When we broke what better way to show her I will do anything to make things right. I invited her over for dinner telling her I wanted to cook for her. Lets just say that’s the last time I have seen her. She was cold and looked at me as some dirt bag trying to get in her pants. My god this was my better half for 4years. All I wanted to do was do something nice for her. Well it gave her fuel to remember why she didn’t like me. And now she doesn’t trust thinking all the things I did were bs. They all came from the heart bt she didn’t know that.

 

Good luck. Remember we are all going threw it you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to send me a pm.

[jony1234]

I myself have alot of woulda,coulda,shoulda.... did this or that.... but she left me and i have to realize that,

 

 

I say...leave her alone(NC)

, if she comes back, maybe u2 can work things out, but you got to move on as she may never come back... hard to take... give yourself a few weeks, you may still misss her, but it gets easier, remember you was single before her, and you can be single after her...

[Friknlove]

Friknlove, who initiated the breakup, and how long has it been since the relationship dissolved? Everything you are experiencing (the pain, helplessness, listlessness, depression) are natural. I'm in a similar horrifying cycle myself. It helps immensely to take one day at a time and to find strength in pushing yourself forward through each (sometimes excruciating) moment. It does, and will, get better with the wonderful healing power of time.

 

 

In a way, it was mutual, although I initiated it. after about 1 month, I started realizing some things about myself that i completely failed to see! i corrected the short term things, and identified the other problems. One of my problems is that I am a realist, and i speak my mind. I never directed things towards her at all, but i could be rather negative at times. This is one of those things that takes a little while to fix, but is rather easy. I was utterly afraid of losing her, so I made the call, talked to her and a few days later we were talking and hanging out. I had not fully made the very important change to be more positive. we were not "exclusive" during this hangout period, although she was not seeing anyone except me. It was pretty much impossible to be more positive about things because i wanted to be "exclusive". It bothered me that we weren't. we broke up about a month ago and have been NC since then. I am able to be more positive now, although sometime i slip up, and i post here

[Friknlove]

yea know i realize that NC is a good thing, that time is the only thing that can heal. I know this. just a little while longer....My deal is that i fight for what i want. I'm not talking about begging, crying..... I'm talking about the real deal. sooo... I'm not quite cool yet. but when that time comes do i break that NC? I have a real hard time just letting a love that fierce and beautiful go. I know there are other girls out there, i have dated around and fell in love before. If i push her away by doing so, who cares then, I already had nothing to lose, right??

 

oh, and guys, thanks for the encouraging advice. i need to hear it, i can look back here probably tomorrow night, when i freak out some more.

[friscodj]

My deal is that i fight for what i want.

 

You sound like me my friend...

 

I came to the realization that this "what" that I was fighting for was really something in my own head, perhaps to prove something to myself and show myself that I am not a failure, in equating "failure" to the end of a relationship. I thought my "fight" would "fix" things and my exhibit of toughness and effort would attract her to me. In the end, I often found it only confused her more, coerced her into doing something she really didn't want to do, and sapped my heart and soul of energy in the process messing me up for a long time.

 

And there is a fine line between "fighting" and "forcing". Are you really trying to force the issue and as such coerce her into doing something she really doesn't want to do?

 

And then I asked myself if the "what" I wanted even existed if only I wanted it. If two people don't really want to be in a relationship, is it a relationship? Or is it two saying they are in a relationship but one is not really there?

 

And in many cases, much later on, I realized my lack of such effort in the relationship was indicative that deep down I didn't really want to be in the relationship, that I knew something was wrong or amiss all along, and was afraid to face the reality in lieu of forgoing the pain and suffering that would follow. And that my monumental efforts after the fact when this grief I so desperately wanted to avoid would change and fix things.

[supadoc]

Well it hasn't been long for me (2 days only!!). I think your situation is quite similar to mine. I feel exactly the same way. It was mutual for us as well but she initiated it.

 

I still can't sleep (usually not a problem for me at all). I can't eat. I went for a run for the first time in years today and it was good then. But when I got home everything crashed again. I couldn't bring myself to do anything as everything reminds me of her.

 

Funny thing is I did think about breaking it off myself, but I guess I didn't want to feel like this. Maybe being a "pseudo" dumpee made it worse?