Crossing the line

[lilcherub]

I find myself turning to complete strangers for opinions/advice.

 

I never saw my friend as anything more then a good friend and then

4months ago (my friend)asked me how I felt about marriage, and if I would become his wife. This came after we had been separated by countries/states. I said yes not knowing what I was in store for. After we got engaged, I started getting phone calls from him at all hours upset because a few of his ex's were trying hard to come between his feeling for me. To the point that one tried to kill herself, and the other well has been threatening to harm herself, because of his constant refusal to get back with either of them. I have been waiting patiently for his return, I have been understand each time he has had to cancel his flights (now being #6) First few flights due to death in the family,births,his one ex in the hospital,the last two because he other ex started talking about harming herself if he left, and then me argueing with him telling him to go be with his other ex then if he is so concerned for her safety that he would allow it to come between our future marriage. Am I being selfish? I never had to go through all that I am going through now when I was just his friend. Many times I told him I love him enough to let him go if it meant his happiness. But it was my mind speaking not my heart. I find even though all these issues I cannot let go, and that it make me want him even more, until today......................

 

Anyway meanwhile during all these events happening someone that I have been corresponding with has come out and told me how interested he is in one day meeting me. And then the topic marriage came up with him also. Call me lonely,call me confused. I am stuck in the middle. I love the first guy dearly, and would love to be his wife because of are strong friendship/connection.But lately i have been getting more attention from a guy over the internet then my own fiancee.

 

Any comments, ideas, advice .....

 

It would be appreciated dearly,

 

Lilcherub

[Jdoggj22]

well in my opinion, the first guy is either avioding you, or has a serious case of bad luck. And i have just one question about the 2nd guy. Have you ever met him or is it just an internet thing? You should be careful if you are going to meet him. As far as picking one of them, just do what your heart tells you to do. If it feels right, it just could be right.

[njoynlife]

I don't know if I would want that kind of drama in my life. I would agree with the first person about this guy avoiding you. The question I would ask you, is this how you would like the rest of you life to be? Some people need drama in their life. I think it makes them feel better about themselves when people are feeling sorry for them. He has a choice to make and if he is not willing to cut his ties with his ex's then I would have to take a good look at this relationship and ask myself is this really what I want. Some times a person has to go through some struggles inorder grow as a person.

 

Good luck

[lauralied]

I don't think you are ready to marry anyone right now... exhaust your options first!

 

Don't marry someone unless both involved are ready, willing, and committed 110%. Your fiancee sounds like he's not ready. Even if that means he simply cannot find the right time to get away from home to be with you, it still signifies a gap in readiness.

 

I fall into the same trap of pondering the prospects of marriage with people I date, too soon. I think you're letting these men fall too deep for you because you want the security. I'm telling you, don't make a life decision based on the wrong selection criteria: insecurity, loneliness, etc.

 

Let things unfold as they may, try to resist the urge to speed up the process, and assess what aspects of your relationships with these men are keeping you around. Be fair with them, be forthright, be open. Just don't move too hastily into something you aren't sure of.