sk11 Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 In short, I dated a guy for more than twenty dates in last four months without intimacy. We started a relationship about one month ago and we slept together the day before yesterday. But yesterday I found out that he was, in fact, looking for a wife on-line actively (even after the intimacy and all the commitment). He told me he would had married me after I found out a lie he made in the past. And he kept giving me the impression that he was very serious, he has completely fallen for me and wanted to end up with me... Obviously, I realized how many lies he has told me in the last four months and I am seriously hurt. So I simply and calmly broke up via email. He did not reply me at all after one day. Any ideas why he is not replying after all this? I am confused as I am expecting an explanation or a text like ‘sorry it did not work out. Good luck!’ It feels like not completing… Link to comment
Gus Almighty Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 I am sorry to hear that, it must be very painful. Some people will keep looking for a while to see if there is something better, sometimes these are referred to simply as players. Without knowing the guy its difficult for me to tell you anything for certain, but I would feel as betrayed as you. I feel you did the right thing for your own standards. Personally if I am with someone all my focus is on that person, not searching for something better along the way. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Of course...you did the right and correct thing by waiting to sleep with him...four months, wow. He is a jerk, if he knew that you weren't the one, why did he wait until AFTER you slept together to reveal himself? Oooh, I know...he is a creep. I hope you are not wondering what you did wrong. This was completely him. He has no integrity. I am sorry. Link to comment
boomvang Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 huh? I missed something. A guy went out with you 20 times before sex, and then you dumped him via email and now can't figure out why he won't come crawling to you? eh? Link to comment
sk11 Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 huh? I missed something. A guy went out with you 20 times before sex, and then you dumped him via email and now can't figure out why he won't come crawling to you? eh? Yes, I went out with him for more than 20 times without sex as well... I was absolutely not seeing anyone else and rejected other boys even I was not sure about him yet... God knows what he did behind my back, since he could still have the gut to put an advert looking for a wife after we finally did it and after he told me he had COMPLETELY fallen for me, took me as his girlfriend and he was not looking for anyone else... I had no choice but breaking up, although I HAVE fallen for him and tried very hard to have a future with him. Link to comment
Jayar Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Yes, I went out with him for more than 20 times without sex as well... I was absolutely not seeing anyone else and rejected other boys even I was not sure about him yet... God knows what he did behind my back, since he could still have the gut to put an advert looking for a wife after we finally did it and after he told me he had COMPLETELY fallen for me, took me as his girlfriend and he was not looking for anyone else... I had no choice but breaking up, although I HAVE fallen for him and tried very hard to have a future with him. The thing is, if you were just dating, he has the right to see other people. Maybe I am misunderstanding as well? When I "date", meaning that I spend months with a guy going to movies, dinners, activities, but NOT being physical, I fully expect him to date (and be physical) with other girls... Girls that will LET him be physical without committment. Sure enough, a few months in, HE wants exclusivity, and then our relationship goes to the next level (all on his terms). I never run into problems like you describe this way, since he is completely free to either be exclusive, or not, as he sees fit. Again, maybe I'm missing something, but after 4 months and 20 dates, you're still just testing the waters... If he didn't ask you to be exclusive at that point, then why did you assume he was? And why did you sleep with him? Presumably you have to either wait till he's determined he wants exclusivity, or sleep with him knowing that he may not be exclusive. Your choice, but either way you can't hold it against him in retrospect, you know? Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 huh? I missed something. A guy went out with you 20 times before sex, and then you dumped him via email and now can't figure out why he won't come crawling to you? eh? She assumed that they were exclusive by his words and actions....then found out after the hook-up that nope...he was still "looking"...I feel she is understandably hurt, and heck yah....when I met my fiance' he was dating two or three other women. I basically said, I want to just date one person...you.... If you do not want the same thing...adios' ! He stopped dating other people because I guess he wanted me around. I suppose she should have been less assumptive and more assertive...if that's what she wanted. She may have just hoped they were on the same page. Apparently they were not. It would have been nice of him to let her know he was still shopping around...because she stopped dating other people. Perhaps this was a communication issue...or he was being a big fat liar. Link to comment
sk11 Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Sorry for not being clear. I did not assume anything. I was very clear to him that I would not date him if he was dating others. In the same time, he made it VERY clear that he wanted to be my boyfriend and he was not looking / seeing any other women. After one month, the intimacy happened. Link to comment
sk11 Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 And I am really curious why he is not replying after all this. What is he possibly thinking? Many thanks indeed! Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 So he knows why you broke up with him...you spelled it out? If so, he probably has no defense. He knows he was wrong. Good riddance. Link to comment
sk11 Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 So he knows why you broke up with him...you spelled it out? If so, he probably has no defense. He knows he was wrong. Good riddance. Yes, he knows exactly because I broke up via replying his wife-searching advert. The funny thing is that he told me he wanted to end up together, he was not looking for anyone, and we slept together for the first time... All this happened just twelve hours before he put this advert on line. But as I said, I have fallen for him. I want an explanation for the last four months. He has a son and responsible. WHy he can not even simply reply me either to explain or just to say sorry? Link to comment
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