I want her back, I thought there was a chance but....

[Liam]

Hi all,

 

I'm 24 and my ex 22. My ex broke up with me a month n half ago. We were together for 3yrs 7 mths. I was busy with my studies and neglected her. She wanted to get married too and I keep escaping the question with "okie but not now" kind of stuff. i really do want to marry her but it's not the time yet.

 

She broke up with me after enduring the constant neglecting and lack of sense of security from me. I tried to patched things up after a week but she refused. 2 weeks later, I call her, text msg her, wrote letters but she wont pick up or response to any of them.

 

I call her sis and was told that after we broke up, my ex started going out with another guy. going back late and all. I was devastated. I tried to call her again but she refusd to answer the phone. I was so lost. I cried, couldn't concentrate, couldn't eat, lost so much weight.

When we were together, my ex put alot of my photos standing in the cabinet on her dressing table. But her sis told me she still has one of my photo standing in the cabinet. confused

 

I decided not to call her anymore. Then a mutual fren told me that my ex has changed her cellphone number to avoid me. Heartless.

 

Last week, I was walking past her workplace in a shopping mall with a classmate(gal). I saw her, i smiled, she saw n smiled back(the way she smile when we were together). The moment i saw her, i felt weak. my classmate saw me n hold(hugged) me to support me.

 

The next day, i called her sis. she told me my ex was very angry thinking that i found a girlfriend so fast. Confused again.

 

The next day i bought something for her mum n brought it her mum's workplace. her mum ask me what happened and i told her the whole story.

she called my ex(at home) n let me speak to her. i explained that the gal was not my girlfriend. she ask me"then y is she hugging if if she's not your girlfriend" in a jealous tone. then she further added that it was none of her business. i told her"i wasn't angry when you went out with that guy after we broke up, so y r u angry wif me over this." she kept quiet. i questioned her "if you don't have any feelings for me, y r u feeling upset over this?" she kept quiet, paused, and said it was none of her business, again.

 

I asked her to come out and n talk face to face. she refused. i said i'll go up her hse.she refused. then she put me on 2nd line hold. after that she never got back to me on the line. i called but she won't pick up.

 

her mum suggested that i should go over her house tonite when she'll let me in to talk to my ex. i agreed. Night came, her mum told me she went for a fren's local resort stay. she was suppose to go the next day, but thought i was going up her house so she went earlier by a day. her sis told me she has been going for this resort thing almost every week. i was thinking, when we were together and when she was staying at my house, she told her family that she was going for a reort stay too. It broke my heart hearing this. I wanted to die there n then.

 

Her sis told me my photo is still there in the cabinet.I'm so confused

 

can anyone help and advice.

feeling so miserable.....

[Liam]

When we were together, I admit there were times when when i wonder if i could really spend the rest of my life with her. Somethimes we couldn't communicate on the same level.

Then something i have this feeling I'm meeting her for the sake of meeting her.

 

No i regretted all this feelings. i really do.

Before she changed her number, I text msged her taht I was sorry, willing to marry her, learnt my lessons, can't lived without you, etc. all were useless. she didn't response. she totally cut me off.

 

What should I do now?

[caliboy]

dont contact her anymore and read my quote below. that's the best advice you'll get.

[jack79]

i cant imagine the hurt ure going through, i went out only for 4 mnths or so ..was really depressed when we broke up.

 

My advise to you would be .. to talk to her confront her i mean no point just waiting ull go totally nuts .

 

tell her how you feel and ask her why she is doing this to you , i mean if she really loves you she shouldnt be hurting you.

 

u can also ask her mom if she has spoken to her about you , she should be able to give u some idea as to how she feels.

 

Good luck and i hope everything works out.. do post again ill be here willing to help

[Liam]

She won't talk to me...

she won't even answer my calls, she go to the extend of changing her cell phone number.

 

Her mum doesn't know much. just that she has been hanging out with that guy. i think they might be together by now.

 

People tell me not to contact her anymore. it makes me seems i'm dependent on her. True.

[Breaker24]

I just wanted to say thanks for pointing out the quote Caliboy. Just when I almost gave my ex a call, that really did the trick to keep me from breaking. Liam understand this: she's probably still trying to sort out her feelings inside. You have to survive past this and stop feeling so dependant on her. Try to think what exactly are you missing. Are you just lonely, or do you miss her companionship? Either way, before meeting her you were your own person and probably did fine on your own. Try to be strong and move on. I'm also going through that lesson.

 

Time doesn't heal all wounds, time passes. But insight heals.

[RobbinVA]

I agree with Caliboy. You have to stop contacting her. It is easy to look at all these little things that she is doing and say, "she is doing this to hurt me." The changing of the phone number is key, though, bro. I would surely give a girl space after that. Don't get in touch with her family anymore, just take stock in your self and then realize that- 1. the situation you are in is going to hurt. That is just the way that it is. 2. You may not ever date this girl again. It may feel like a guarantee if you "just could do the right thing" but that is not the case. 3- Most importantly, trust yourself that if she came back and you ended up in the same situation again, things would revert to the same situation and she would be pressing to get married and you wouldn't want to.

 

Obviously you personally must have some good things going on or you would never have been in a relationship. I have been in the same situation and it felt like there was no place left for me anywhere in the world after I was broken off with - it feels like hell and it feels hopeless. But that was 12 years ago and I have had some really fun relationships since then. That is a place and a person out there for you and considering how you felt when you were together, I don't think that this girl was for you. Also, the more you continue to try to get her back, the more foolish you may end up feeling. Just understand that when you are in the right relationship, you will know it. You have plenty of time and just because you may not have any "prospects" at the moment, you will if you just relax, take time, and look around you. When she creeps back into your mind, don't dwell. Just push her out with other thoughts. In a while you will be fine and with, hopefully, the right person.

 

Good luck.

 

Robbin

[waitinvain]

Liam,

 

You have to let her go now. You can't chase somebody that has treated you like this.

 

You know I am speaking as a man in the same boat. It's futile, it's wasted energy and it's stopping you from moving on and healing.

 

The guy that commented above about love coming back to you if it's meant to be. He's right. But you must GENUINELY let it go. Don't let it go & then sit there waiting for it to come back. IT may never come back. How many months will you waste waiting for something that may never materialise?

 

The wrong thing to do is sit there and wait for something that may never happen. It's like waiting for a lottery win. You may win, but you may drive yourself mad waiting for the big one. Look at the odds - they are currently against you. What's the best thing you can do? Let GO ! Let her go Liam.

 

Move on with your life now before it consumes your very being.

 

I have been an obsessive for 6 weeks over someone, and yesterday she told me she's seeing another guy. She's seen him 3 times. It's not worth it.

 

They are moving on with their lives and you are stuck in "clinging static" mode. They ARENT sitting around thinking about you. They are living their life.

 

You owe it to yourself to do the same. There is somebody out there that will appreciate you for who you are. Don't chase her waiting to see if you get the odd crumb. That's not what life and relationships are all about.

 

FORGET HER NOW BEFORE YOU GO MAD. LET HER GO.

 

She may come back , she may not. If she does you don't know how long it will take. She may never come back. You can't sit around waiting for that eventuality. You would be wasting your life.

 

Hope I've helped. Believe me, I am singing from the same hymn sheet. I didn't want to let my ex go either, but let's face it , if they are seeing another guy then you have to give up on it for your own sanity.

 

When and if she does come back to you, then you probably wont want her back anyway, although you wont be able to see that now. The FUTURE YOU will be a lot stronger.

 

Deep down you know that, so let it go.

 

Keep strong.