confused82 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Okay so yet another post on this same old break up. Just recently I was thinking of contacting my ex ( of three weeks) to get some real clearification of why she is leaving me. I felt like the reasons she had given me were not justifiable to leave someone of 6 years. (ie arguing to much, my needyness and criticialness) She didnt even try to fix those things either, just up and left. Well I contacted her and said I would like to talk in person and so we were going to meet either yesterday or today well in the mean time she talked with a really good mutual friend of ours about the situation. Long story short the mutual friend is a psycologist so she understands and articulates feelings VERY well. She was able to ask my ex 1000000 questions to be able to understand the true meaning of her leaving. My ex, in so many words, said she doesnt like who she became in the relationship and how she thinks we are compatiable in so many ways but also not compatiable. (Her and I probably had one of the best relationships that any of my family and friends and even her OWN MOM has seen) we do argue alot and act immature in the arguments, generated from alot of underlying issues and being with each other since we were 17/18 years old. My feelings on this are...........okay I understand where she is coming from and I do agree to a certain extent HOWEVER why in the heck wouldnt she have come to me ahwile ago and talk to me about these things and try and work them out? I am not saying that maybe they could have been worked out WHO KNOWS however wasnt it worth the shot???? and i guess the answer on her part is she was just letting them go as they were not that big of a deal until they all just added up and her heart is no longer in it. (ps we just bought a house 6 months ago) So her feelings have been there for a long time but she pushed them aside thinking they were not big enough to go but the last month or two she really let them get to her and DIDNT say anything. this really hurts me and is totally out of my control and i understand that. I am not going to be having that conversation as I feel I have already gotten my closer but I do want to have some "closing statments" to her....... I gave her 100% of myself and my love and everyone around us saw that and she apparently only gave 75%. How was I so blind? I seriously thought she felt the same way and so did everyone else HELP!!!!! Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Going back and asking her isn't a good thing... You're hurt sure, will be for a while... But going back prolongs the pain... Yes she didn't talk her problems through with you... Some people are incapable of it... Let it go... Move on... It's hard as hell yes.. But try... Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I have to agree with X. I was in a somewhat similar situation with my ex (also of 3 weeks). It just sometimes reaches a point where you try, and try hard, but just realize two people simply aren't right for each other. If she wasn't willing to try, then you can leave knowing you gave it your all and try to take comfort in that. Try to let go, it's for the best! We're here for you! Dan on Long Island, who just enjoyed a seriously oversized black and white cookie. Link to comment
confused82 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Yes I can see that, sometimes I have my moments of strenght and just say to myself, "i know i gave it my all and gave her everything and yes I may not be perfect but if she wanted this as bad as me she would have worked it out and I deserve more than this." I do get those moments but then I have those other moments of "maybe I did something wrong, I dont think I will find someone else like her, I think she will be able to find someone so easily and that will hurt bad, maybe my personality is hard to deal with and blah blah blah" I go up and down all day, it gets exhausting and what I think throws me back ALOT is that we have mutal friends (that I need right now) and we live in the same small town. If i dont run into her I run into people that know her or work with her and so on and it only throws me for a loop. ie the reason i just got sad before is because I was on the phone with a good friend of ours and the friend was at work and who comes walking up but my EX and so she had to get off the phone and it made me entirely TO SAD!!!!!!! anyone know how to deal with theses waves of emotions???? along with everything else? Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I can imagine how rough that must be. If you have mutual friends and run the risk of seeing each other alot, that makes it tougher, but by no means impossible to get through this. Are there other friends you can see, who are not as "connected." I know it's hard as hell, but try not to focus on the "what if" if you can. Do your best to not think about that. "Woulda, coulda, shoulda" won't do anything except make you more upset. What's past is past, you gave it your all, as I said, try to take comfort in that. The wave of emotions is normal, trust me, I've had them myself in the 3 weeks since I gave my abusive ex the boot. In time it will get better, and you'll know you made the right decision by moving on. Believe in the notion that everything happens for a reason. We're here for you. Dan on Long Island Link to comment
confused82 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 OKay now what about some a closing statment? I do have to call as we said we were going to talk however I do not want to meet face to face now and I do not want to rehash everything BUT I do want to leave her with.........me saying something like, "eventhough I do not agree with the decisions you have made to leave me I do accept them and know I can not force you to be with me, I am disappointed in knowing you did not want to try and fix things but again it is out of my control and I do accept that and am and will be moving on, and PS your S**T needs to get out of the house so I can move on." hahahaha okay probably minus the mean ending but something to that sort Any other options??? I want to leave her with something to think about and show her that I am being strong but also would have always wanted to work on things. Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 What about in an e-mail? That way you can get your feelings accross without interruptions? Something along the lines of what you said sounds right. Let her know that you tried your best to be as good as possible to her, you are disappointed it didn't work out, but that it's time to move on. Something like that. I would also suggest to her that she get her stuff out of your place ASAP, or even (for your sake) send someone neutral over to get the stuff. Link to comment
confused82 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 yeah I would love to email but she doesnt have a computer right now and internet access and I just want to do it over the phone atleast Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Then stick to the phone for sure, and try to stick to the same scrip if you can. Link to comment
confused82 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 okay thanks, I will let you guys know how it goes Link to comment
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