completely heartbroken..pls help me.

[justme07]

Hi.

Two days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. I'm very confused as to why he did it as we were literally perfect together. I have barely slept, and i've completely lost my appetite.

I have a couple of possibilities so please any help would be appreciated GREATLY.

We had basically everything in common, we laughed all the time and we were just overall really happy with eachother. The only thing we didn't have in common was the fact that he loved being with the boys and drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, whereas im more of a stay at home, movie night kind of girl. Hence, i didn't go out clubbing etc with him much. See, we are quite young, he's 20 and im 18. We first met a week after he had broken up with his gf that had cheated on him. They had been together previously for a year an half, then she cheated on him...then they got together again 3 months later, an she cheated again. So he's been hurt and he has trouble trusting people i guess. He also said that during this relationship they used to fight all the time because of his jealousy and insecurities.

 

Which brings me to my next possibility..

I have alot of male friends, CLOSE male friends. That i see all the time, an just hang out with. He always found this really weird, and said he's never had a gf that has so many guy friends. [He doesnt have close girl friends] A week before he broke up with me, i told him about a guy i met on the bus on the way home from university, we exchanged numbers as i felt sorry for him because he had just moved here and had no friends. I thought it was a nice thing to do...but my bf got REALLY angry at me, and thought it was really weird. And didn't want me to be friends with him. So i didn't contact him. The next night we went out clubbing and he acted very strangely towards me, like he didn't want me there. I ignored him all the next day, while him constantly calling me apologising telling me how much he loved me, and how he needs a cuddle and to please not hate him, that he was just still mad about the 'bus boy'. This is when things started to change.

 

I asked him if it was the jealousy issue, an if he thought i was going to hurt him etc. And he said , 'no that wasn't it at all' and got really defensive. He said that he knew i would never hurt him, he said his feelings had just changed towards me in this week and that he just wants to be independent and not have a girlfriend. To not have to worry about seeing me, or worry what i'll think about what he does, having to consider me all the time, whether im going to go out with him or not, an where im going and what im going to do then. And he said for instance, if he wanted to go away with his friends, he said he knew i would be like , 'yea goo have fun' , but he said then he'd be like, aww but i want you to come, should i gooo...'' etc etc.

 

I said to him , 'is this something that you'll regret'' and he kept shaking his head looking really upset and going, 'i really dont know'. The day before breaking up with me kept sending me msgs saying , 'im so sorry, you dont deserve this x0x0x0x0x0x0x'' and kept saying im an amazing girl, but hes just so confused about things , but it has nothing to do with me. Apparently. He said he thought we rushed things and we should've hung out more before we got together.

Im really unsure of the whole situation, everyone is really confused by it and did not see this coming as we were seen as the 'perfect couple'. We have alot of mutual friends and now its going to be really weird when i see him. He really wants to be friends...but i dont know.

Do u think maybe i was a rebound girl..

i asked him if i was and he said 'No that he had REALLY strong feelings for me, that all he could ever think about was me and how much he loved me''. Which is why i think it was so strange his feelings changed in a week. His friends always told me that he always talks about me that he's literally obsessed with me. Im really confused...i don't get what went wrong.

He said hes had a girlfriend since he was in yr 9..so yeah..

 

Please help..ask any questions, give any suggestions, advice whatever

[im sorry its so long]

[rothman]

I, being a guy, know that guys are fickle. I wouldn't worry about it. IM me if you have any questions.

[justme07]

thanks for replying..

but im not really sure what you mean by that..

[Strictly4MyGrind]

I think the best thing to do would be possibly try to get a better explanation out of him if not, ask him what is going to happen with you two, you may like or love him alot but you cant wait for someone for so long its just not fair on you, explain to him hes left you really unsure and that you need some solid ground so to speak to walk on so that you knows whats happning. Whats happning with you Two basically.

 

It seems like he just maybe did rush things with you, and that he needs time to figure whats going on.

 

I would try not to worry too much about it, things will work themselves out they always do.

 

Since he did get hurt before, he may be scared that he is going to get hurt again, he may trust you fully and love you but his past may still haunt him a little.

 

Talk to him a little more if you can and find out is my advice.

[justme07]

I havent spoken to him since we broke up...although i did msg him 2 hours after he left my house, saying i wish he would've given us more time. To which he didn't reply, and went out drinking with his mates.

I feel as though because his feelings changed so quickly, if i leave him alone..let him miss me..then they'll change again and want me back.

I can't talk to him either, it hurts too much and i don't want to annoy him. Or make him feel guilty cos i care about him SO much and don't want to hurt him. My problem is i guess , is that im too nice. People take me for granted cos i literally wouldnt hurt a fly.

i dunno im so so so so confused and hurt. i really loved him.

[DN]

I have to tell you that this may be the problem despite his denials:

A week before he broke up with me, i told him about a guy i met on the bus on the way home from university, we exchanged numbers as i felt sorry for him because he had just moved here and had no friends.

There are few people who would be comfortable with their SO doing something like this.

[justme07]

yea other people think that too.

They think he thought i was 'going off him' so he thought he better do it first so he doesnt get as hurt...? Plus, i said to him after we had the fight that if he keeps treating me like this he wont have me for very long.

But if that was the reason, why did he deny it? An get really defensive when i kept insisting that i thought that was the reason, almost like i was stupid for thinking that was it.

i dont know..grrr..??

i guess maybe it was that, and the fact that he's too young and wants to be with 'the boys'..?? It just happened so suddenly, and he claimed he doesn't even know what triggered it..he just 'didn't feel the same way'

[DN]

Keeps treating you like what? Sorry but I really think you are missing the point here. He probably won't say that is the real reason because you don't seem to agree that he should have a problem with you exchanging phone numbers with someone on a bus. If he does say that is the reason you are just going to dismiss what he says anyway.

 

I would guess that he feels you have no respect for him or the relationship and that is why he no longer wants to be with you. Of course, it may be something else but it seems the most likely reason to me.

[justme07]

Yea i guess it does. And thankyou so much for continuing to reply, really thankyou.

What do you think i should do then?

[DN]

Tell him that he is the most important person to you, that you understand where he is coming from and want him to understand that your male friends are just friends - only friends. And then ask him if that makes a difference and if there is any way that you can talk things through to put the relationship back to where you were both happy.

[justme07]

I was speaking to his good friend yesterday on msn and this is what he said about why my ex broke up with me etc...

[his friend;] ''He said he really wishes he met u later

or something happeend with use later.....he just thinks he rushed into another relationship too soon. Like see wat happens with you both later.

eventually you'll will talk again and see where that takes u after that.

You both know ur are good for each other so thereforeeee somehting will most likely happen later on jsut give it time. I know its easier said then done though.''

That made me feel better, but i still don't know what to do...i dont know how long i can wait, or how long he's expecting me to wait. I find it mature that he's done this as he needs some time on his own, but also immature because he's risking our relationship and losing me.

 

He messaged me just before saying 'Hey [my name] how have you been. Make sure you watch heroes and prison break tonight if your not doing anything ok hehe'... we used to watch those shows every tuesday together, it was like our thing. I dunno.

Im not sure if i should reply? What do u think the best thing to do is? Like, i want him to miss me and come back..will he miss me more if i dont write back?

Any opinions?