1forthegipper Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Hello everyone, Tha Gip is back online and I've been reading many posts to see how everyone is and get the latest on the people going through what I've been going through. I have a question though, In a relationship when you are dumped by a male or female after a 2,3,4,5 or more year relationship to be with someone else. Who comes out the victorious one out of the initial breakup?? We've all heard of the saying "The grass isn't greener on the otherside" So what is everyones take on this if your ex left you to be with someone else. Who's the winner???? and who's bound to regret the breakup??? Thanks! "Tha Gipp"" Link to comment
brando Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Their is no winner and no regrets. Only choices. Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I was dumped after a 12 year relationship. I don't care about being victorious. I just want to heal and move on. I wish her all the best in her future. Link to comment
GQstatus Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I was dumped after a 2 year relationship. She came back 6 months later wanting to "be friends" again after NC, I told her I couldn't. She was married a year later, and now has two kids. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 10, 2007 Author Share Posted March 10, 2007 I know revenge or hate should be unimportant in the process of healing a broken heart but I don't care what anyone says. I think the majority of people that have been dumped would like to know or show our ex's that WE ARE worth more then what they considered us when they broke up with us. I know this attitude doesnt fit everyone's situation but in the case where the ex left us to be with somoene new I believe that there comes a point in tiime where we would like to come out on top of this very bad situation. Anyone who suggests otherwise is only fooling themselves and I believe that happiness brings confidence and what is a more better confidence booster than the ex realizing they made a BIG mistakes because they see us now and we're happy,fit and in love again!!!!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I for one know I will come out on top, even if my ex marries the guy she left me for. I hope this happens, that way all this pain we have gone through was for a reason. Otherwise it was all because of a dumb decision, and I don't want to be faced with the choice to try to forgive her for this. That would be too hard for me. And even if they do get married, she will forever feel the guilt of what she has done and how she treated on of the most wonderful people to ever enter her life. I have very few regrets, and I did everything I could to help her and to help us. I'll be happy. I'll find love. It will never be the same, just different. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 Great attitude Macgyver4ever!!!!! That's what I like to hear. I know being rational about a break up is the best thing but the fact of the matter is "WE GOT DUMPED!!!" what bigger blow can our self esteem and ego take!!!! We are good people who deserve much respect than what our ex's gave us when they decided to leave and at the drop of a hat walked out and turned our lives upside down and in most cases ALL for another person. To sit there and wish them the best etc etc etc..is a bunch of hog wash to me because anyone that breaks this heart of mine deserves no happiness because I am somebody who deserves better than what my ex gave me. I gave her several years of my life that I can't ever take back, I believed in every word she told me and felt that we'd be together forever until she one day decided to change my life forever!!!!! Frankly, she doesn't deserve the sweat off my back for being so selfish and self centered. Call it hate, call it anger, call it resntment, call it what you will but one thing is...I dont have to forgive in order to heal I can move one but know in my heart this person will NEVER make up for the pain she caused me and the hurt she put me through. We deserve better as people and what I always say and what is SOOOOOO TRUE!!!!...."WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND"....but only worse!!!!... so to my ex...I would like to say, "when you walk in my shoes sometime down the road I hope to god you think of me"..... Hasta La Vista Baby!!!!! Tha Gipp...... Sorry folks..Had to vent!!!! Link to comment
bear12 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 GQ- first shout out for the east bay. woop! (yeah, i know, i'm kind of a dork like that...) second- married with two kids at 23??!! (i'm assuming she's relatively close in age to you?) that's just crazy in my opinion. i feel like she might regret that someday... oh but maybe we shouldn't be wishing our exes misery? hmmm... Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I don't think either my ex nor I will be the "winner." I think we'll both win out in the end. He's a good person and I think I am too. As far as some of my other exes LOL well I think I came out on top cause some of them were real jerks and still are and will say things like "gee, I really messed up by treating you that way" yet they continue the same behaviors now with their new girlfriends! Link to comment
bear12 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 oh, i totally agree lady00.. some exes are just dumb. like the one i had in college who could never committ (wouldn't call me his gf after 10 months even though we had an exclusive relationship...) i left him for someone else (he flat out told me i was "free to see other people") and when i did he cried and cried and said how much he had screwed up and yet he continues to do this for every girl he's dated since! i think the best, though is that when we were together he was saving himself for marraige (but has since changed his mind) and when we randomly ran into each other a couple years ago he said in reference to the no sex "yeah, sorry about that. i feel like i really missed out on a good opportunity with you, so you know, if you're ever single again..." hahaha. i literally laughed in his face. it was awesome. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 REDEMPTION!!!!!!....... Is one of the greatest feelings you can have after a breakup when an ex left us to be with someone else after we gave our heart and soul to them and they treated our love like a used broken down car and traded in for something they felt was better and worth more. I know not every situation (A Breakup) will warrant some kind of redemption satisfaction but for those of us that gave our lives to someone we loved and they flat out turned their back on us, I will have to say that coming out on top or victorious out of the breakup is on of THE MOST IMPORTANT thing for me to do. I think it's a great attitude to have after a breakup because it makes you become a BETTER person overall. After the pain has subsided you take a look in the mirror and see the new changes in your life and you think to yourself..."What my ex thought was a used car is a brand spankin new benz....What a fool!!!!!" What can be more greater than our ex's to see us and see the changs we've made and the better person and happier person we are!!!!.... While our ex is with their new (he or she) love or partner they can see us and realize "What a fool I was to throw a good thing away"...,. My attitude on this might no fit everyone but I'm a firm believer that "the grass is never greener on the other side" I'm solely speaking from my perspective because we had kids and she felt that the new spark, butterflies, excitement is MORE important than us working on our problems and working on our relationship and I will fight to no end to prove her wrong and to come out on top!!!!!!! REDEMPTION....I will have it no other way!!!! Tha Gipp Link to comment
benga Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Great attitude buddy!! I have read many of your posts... Since the first time you posted, you have come a long way.. No winners and no loosers.. You have kids and for their sake you will have to keep it clean and maintain dignity. You will never ever be able to totally cut yourselves from eachother... Cheers Benga Link to comment
bar35 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Who comes out on top? Hmm. Well that is all in perspective. The most important thing for us to do, and this is the most fundamental aspect of life, is for us to do that which is best for us. If we can do that, if we can really do that, then ex's, others who have hurt us, those who try to keep us down, they will all be left behind and we will move on, move on for real. A person who does the best thing for themself over time is a powerful person. They are the person who will rise to face challenges over time. I believe that my ex is powerful at many levels and I do wish that we were more suited for eachother, but we were at different places in our lives. I do hope that one day that she will say "whoops. missed a good one." but more important than that I hope that I will some day say "wow i can't believe how much i have accomplished. My plan really worked and now I am standing stronger than I ever imagined I could have." For me, the one who i am most in competition with is myself, don't me wrong Gip, I would love nothing more than to see a look of regret cross her face over losing me, but truly on the same side I wish her well. She deserves it. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Well I applaud the honesty of this thread. Yes there's a strong vein of desire for revenge in all people who've been dumped I'm sure; and the old platitude of "the best revenge is living well" somehow doesn't seem to do it in those early days of grief. So good for you for not being afraid to express this Gipp! I suspect the reality is that by the time I'll be in a position to have 'done better' than my ex or be such a great, fit, happy guy that she'll realise she 'missed a good catch' or whatever, I really and truly won't care what she thinks. It's a bit like the irony that you could only ever really get them back once you've moved on...by which point you don't want them! What frustrates me about all of this is that all this revenge, hatred, anger is so IMPOTENT because we can't express any of it to our exs as it'd only boost their egos and make you look pathetic. So best, if you can, to focus on yourself for yourself as there's no true outlet for the anger (writing letters, journals, etc. is supposed to work for some but certainly never has for me). Link to comment
bar35 Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Tommy, living well is still the best revenge. it really is. the fact of the matter is that we should never have been defining ourselves through another person to begin with. Rejection sucks. That is the bottom line. It damages our mind. Our ego. We feel less than, but in reality that is all because we have, at some level endowed them with god like powers. i have done it. But at the end of the day it is our own responsibility to stand on our own two feet. I think that the intial stage of desire for revenge is ok. I think that it might even be healthy, but being trapped in it is no good. The reason is that we must move beyond each stage in life. If we don't then we really do lose. We lose time. Opportunity. Growth potential. Wisdom. Maturity. Skill. Intelligence. Experience. Personal Value. We can all say that at some level things were not working which is why we are not with our SO's. it hurts like hell. But the truth is growth hurts. It really does. We need to make certain that we do not lose sight of the fact that with each break up comes the REAl opportunity for growth, and we must embrace it. If at first it is about "well they will regret losing me" for the first 8 months, so be it. But we need to move beyond that, because life is a constant stream of growth and boy oh boy, i don't wanna stop. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 absolutely.... the greatest revenge is to succeed and succeed i will, aswell tweaking up my flaws. so while ex is rushing headbang into another relationship,without growing or reflecting at his own problems,because hes too weak and pathetic, i will heal,focus,accept there are always gunna be sh*ts like my ex around, and i will be a better person because end of day, he may think he dumped me (and yeah certainly feels like it tbh!) but im gunna look at it as he FREED me from an abusive,controlling,manipulative HELL! oh and then theres that new business im starting,then the move to the country i should be able to afford on my own when it takes off. where is he?....right back where he started in a mucky scummy town..crawled back like a sewer rat think that answers the thread hehehe! Link to comment
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