Should I stay or should I go?

[sunshine13]

Sorry for anyone who reads this. It is a long story.

I am 29 years old and have a few best friends. We have all been best friends since we were 13-15 years old. Obviously been through hell and back. Although we are all different I love them all the same.

 

Now. . .the problem. My friend Shannon was with her boyfriend for 7 years and just got married about a year and 1/2 ago. After the wedding was over I did not hear from her for almost a year. When I did finally see her she told me that she was going through a divorce and introduced me to her new b/f. I was extremely shocked b/c I always thought of those 2 as a "perfect couple" - if there is such a thing.

 

Anyway. . . Her and I started to become very close friends again and it has been hell for me. Everytime we have gone out (about 10-15 times) Her and her new boyfriend get into a pretty serious fight. The fights get to the point where he leaves us places or we are forced to go home early. This man is extremely controlling of Shannon. I will give some examples of some of their fights 1)her shirt was too tight 2)she was laughing with her friends more than she laughs with him 3)she wasn't sitting next to him and holding his hand in the bar 4)she wanted to go shopping with her mom and he stated that they do NOT go anywhere without each other. . he says its called "being a couple".

 

In the mean time. . my friend is not divorced. Her new boyfriend hates all of her friends and tries to make her see bad things in all of us. . she has told me this. She goes through little breakdowns where she cries for days and calls me 100 times a day. Then she will invite her husband to come home and tells him that she wants to work on the marriage but a day or two later she goes back to the boyfriend. Everybody tries to talk to her and make her understand what is going on here. She is hurting people and destroying herself and still has not had time to deal with her divorce. Her family is distraught over this.

 

All of our other friends have chosen not to deal or speak with her anymore over this. I am a good friend. I am not going to leave my friend when she is in need, HOWEVER, this has gotten me to the point where it is affecting my life pretty badly. My boyfriend and I cannot hang out with them b/c they ruin our time. I spend countless hours with her and on the phone with her all day while I am at work but only when they are fighting and she tells me the HORRIBLE HORRIBLE way he treats her. Then the next day she will make every excuse in the book for his actions and ask me to forgive him and I don't hear from her for days after they make up. She doesn't even return my calls/texts when things are going good. I have tried to understand and tried to be honest with her and talk to her about everything. She just doesn't get it. I am about to leave this friendship but I need some advice on the proper steps to take.

 

Thank you for listening. . any thoughts are apprecated!!

[DN]

Moderator Note: I have paragraphed your post to make it easier for people to read. Please do that yourself in future.

[Anna.]

Tell her the truth and don't hold back. You've been nice for too long. Tell her you love her and want to be her friend, but it's too hard when she won't help herself. And from now on, you don't want any contact with her controlling boyfriend and if that means ya'll can't hang out, then it just does.