GUYS give us gals a lil help

[kiwifly]

How can we tell if you like us??

 

People say to trust your gut. But if you have a friendship on the line, it's hard to do that. Are there any signs with body language or anything that can let us know? Pretty please?

[Locke2121]

Well, that depends. Do you like shy guys, nice guys, men or players? Each one has their own way of showing affection.

 

Shy guys...they tend to lose all connection to their brains when they talk to you. They look down, mumble and basically look like a little boy. BUT! Before you give up on these dorks, you should know that they are often very nice people, with some interesting things to say, if you can break through the shell.

 

Nice guys...they are always polite, even to a fault. Very often, they like you so much, they become your best friend. They listen to your problems, help you whenever they can, and let you cry on their shoulder when your hurt. But very often, they are crying inside because they were so nice, they got stuck in the friend zone and don't know how to get out. So do us a favor, don't be best friends with a guy unless he is your lover, or already has somebody.

 

Men...well these guys are pretty easy to see. They are confiedent, they don't need a woman to complete their lives, so they have alot of willpower when it comes to dealing with women. They are very often great flirts. The body language is often with them facing you directly, or at a slight angle. They'll look you in the eye....watch for a dilated pupil! Also, look for their blinks to become slower and a slight grin or opening of the lips. They will often glance at your lips from time to time, a sign of wanting to kiss you. They will carefully, over a period of time, start playing with your arms, hands and hair.

 

Players.....if you can't figure this one out...don't come crying to me!

[CelesteSeven]

I was in love with a guy friend of mine. I always wondered if he liked me too... my gut told me "YES, DUH!!" but I still had my own doubts: ie. Is he just being friendly? Are my thoughts confused and I think I'm in love with him when I really just like him as a person?

 

Then one chilly February 2007 Sunday afternoon, he came out and told me he was in love with me

He had been in love with me for about a year (just about as much time as I was in love with him).

I wasn't brave enough to say it, but I'm glad he was!

 

I know it's lame, but trust your instincts

If he's likes you back, no problem!

If he's really that good of a friend, he won't freak out and leave.

My guy knew that even if I said I wasn't in love with him, we'd still be great friends... if not even greater, now that the true feelings were out.

 

good luck and if you have an inkling that things will be okay, tell him how you feel!

[Locke2121]

Ah, a nice guy then. He went for it! Thats hard for alot of nice guys.

[Leonhart]

How can we tell if you like us??

 

People say to trust your gut. But if you have a friendship on the line, it's hard to do that. Are there any signs with body language or anything that can let us know? Pretty please?

 

Maybe.

 

Can you tell if I like you? No, unless your intuition is amazingly accurate and/or you are clairovyoant.

 

My body language is as closed as normal - possibly more so - if I am sexually interested in a female.

[kiwifly]

Well, that depends. Do you like shy guys, nice guys, men or players?

 

Can't I like a nice man? In my situation, he falls into both categories, so it makes it tricky since they are great flirts like you said. You can't tell if they're being nice and just havin fun with flirting or showing you that they're interested! He looks me in the eyes all the time and has a softer look than usual. Then again he's so nice to everyone I can't tell if other things like holding the door open or helping me out are anything more!

 

Players.....if you can't figure this one out...don't come crying to me!

 

Oh I've fallen for a player before. Won't go there again!

[kiwifly]

Wow great story! I wish that could happen with me. I'd like to trust my instincts but it's just not easy. I know he probably won't freak out or anything but I'm afraid he'll give us distance for a while until the strange feelings pass. Don't want that to happen!

[kiwifly]

Maybe.

 

Can you tell if I like you? No, unless your intuition is amazingly accurate and/or you are clairovyoant.

 

My body language is as closed as normal - possibly more so - if I am sexually interested in a female.

 

So you're one of the hard ones to read! Do you keep your body language as closed as normal on purpose or is that something you do without really thinking about it?

[Leonhart]

So you're one of the hard ones to read! Do you keep your body language as closed as normal on purpose or is that something you do without really thinking about it?

 

I'm a contradiction of sorts, so it's a little of both, to be honest.

 

I don't like exposing my true feelings to light, unless I am certain that I will be accepted. So, part of it is indeed intentional, as I know this. But I also find it innately hard to be open, expressive and 'myself' around any girl I find physically attractive. Anyone else though, I can be open, extraverted and completely normal around. The more attractive I find a girl, the more likely it is I will not talk to her, and will go to great lengths to ignore her.

 

(As I said, I am a contradiction...) lol

[CharlesF]

When I like a girl, I say "la la la la".

[kiwifly]

I'm a contradiction of sorts, so it's a little of both, to be honest.

 

I don't like exposing my true feelings to light, unless I am certain that I will be accepted. So, part of it is indeed intentional, as I know this. But I also find it innately hard to be open, expressive and 'myself' around any girl I find physically attractive. Anyone else though, I can be open, extraverted and completely normal around. The more attractive I find a girl, the more likely it is I will not talk to her, and will go to great lengths to ignore her.

 

(As I said, I am a contradiction...) lol

 

Now that I read your post I think I'm a bit like that. I don't express my true feelings that easily either unless I trust people, and since I can't trust people until I meet them I'm usually not the one who initiates any conversation or communication for potential relationships. Then again I expect signs and initiation from guys, and I personally look for those qualities in a man. So maybe we're in a situation where the opposite is supposed to attract? You need a gal that won't let you run away!

[Leonhart]

I need someone to CLEARLY - i.e. in NO uncertain terms - express interest in me, whom I am interested in. Then I'd be fine.

[CelesteSeven]

There are some body language characteristics that may add evidence, but shouldn't be completely relied upon.

 

When you're sitting down together, take a look at his arms and hands. If someone has their arms are crossed, they are creating a barrier between you and themselves (ie not good). If his arms are uncrossed, he's open to you. Look at the palms of his hands. Now, it's pretty hard to sit down with your palms facing completely upward, but the placement of the palms is also an indicator of "openness". If his palms are flat on the table, it's not a good sign. but if the palms aren't flat (maybe he's resting his hands on the table on the 'outside edge' of his hand). This indicates openness.

 

Does he smile a lot in your presense? When you're speaking to him, where are his eyes? If they're wandering, it's not a good sign. But if he's looking (mostly) directly in your eyes, focusing on what you're saying, he's probably interested.

 

Take a look at his lips when you two first see one another (if you're meeting up or something). Does he smile? (good sign). A less subtle feature is this: do his lips part (slightly) when he first sees you? And maybe coupled with him raising his eyebrows (slightly). This is a classically good sign he's interested!

(Obviously, I'm not talking about the first time you two first laid eyes on one another... but the first time he sees you after not seeing you for a period of time).

 

Take notice to where his toes point when standing and speaking to you (but only if he's able to stand how he wishes... aka you're not in an overly crowded elevator or something). If his toes are pointed in your direction, it's a good indication he's interested in you.

 

**We all actually pick up body language clues. This is why I said trust your instincts! Because we unconsciously pick up on these clues and that leads our brain to start to wonder if this person likes us or not.**

 

Also look for other things like him generally enjoying having you as company and perhaps finding excuses to touch you (may put his hand on your shoulder or a similar gesture).

 

These are some general things to keep watch for, but they shouldn't be used as a checklist! Just because one or more isn't happening doesn't mean he doesn't like you! Some people display things just a little bit differently from others.

 

Hope this answers your initial quesiton maybe more to how you thought it would be answered. And also, just watching out for body language is quite fun! I do it with my boyfriend... he shows most of the signs above, but not all of them! And he's in love with me so there's some "proof" that not all have to be there to mean he likes you.

[CelesteSeven]

I need someone to CLEARLY - i.e. in NO uncertain terms - express interest in me, whom I am interested in. Then I'd be fine.

 

Isn't that kind of boring? I know I'm not the perfect example (since I didn't come out and tell my guy I loved him), but he took a big risk (since we weren't even dating!) in telling me that he loved me. And part of the reason I love him is because he trusted that the situation (whether I loved him back or not) would turn out fine; that no matter what my answer or feelings were, things weren't going to turn bad (he said this to me).

 

the greater the risk the greater the reward, as they say.

 

where's the excitement if you take no risk? the other person having to be clear they like you is a huge risk on their behalf. put yourself in that person's shoes... you'd have to clearly express your love for someone who won't express any feeling for you. I've really never heard of that working out... you both take a risk in expressing feelings incrementally, if even only that.

 

Consider that people who do like you may give up because you show no signs of liking them unless they display, without question, their feelings for you. That's pretty gutsy for that person, and with no indiction from your end, they might decide to back off and try with someone new. If you have feelings for someone too, you might try showing them (subtly) that you like them too. The subtlties (i know that can't possibly be spelled correctly) will grow, and become more obvious, etc etc you two like one another and there's really no question and yay! relationship.

 

Not trying to offend! I'm just saying.

[Locke2121]

has a softer look than usual.

THERE YOU GO! He is nice to everyone, but HIS LOOK CHANGES when he is with you! He may be just a little nervous to take the next step..most nice guys are and thats how they end up best friends.

 

Play with him a bit. Rub his arm and shoulder, hug him closer. Here is a great trick, take him casually by the arm and lay your hand on his wrist, but in such a way as to be able to feel his pulse. It will be either very fast or very slow. Both are a sign that he is in to you.

 

I suggest very soft kiss on the lips as you part company, ending with a shy smile. Soft enought to be between friends, but the smile can suggest otherwise. If he has any interests, he's sure to take it a bit further.

[Leonhart]

I've heard all this before. lol

 

I often sit with my arms crossed, it's not because I am not interested in a girl, just simply because I feel comfortable that way. I do what I do to make myself comfortable, not to send out ambiguous symbols that need to be grossly scrutinized in an attempt to gauge my level of interest, knowing that one 'wrong' sign will destroy her interest in me or hope of us getting together.

 

I've heard the same effect for women:

 

If she smiles a lot, she likes you. If she plays with her hair, especially while looking at you, she likes you. If she talks to you, she likes you. If she adjusts her appearance, i.e. make up, etc., she likes you.

 

And in my experience, these random and strange body movements do not symbolize anything, although they may simply express friendliness, boredom, concern for her appearance (not necessarily interest), among other things. It's true, you can never truly 'know' if someone likes you.

 

No wonder us guys don't go by body language. It is far too easy to manipulate, and far too easy to misread.

 

 

 

Oh, perish the thought! I'm not offended in the least.

 

I wasn't referring to 'love' in relationships, just simply expressing interest/attraction/flirting, whatever. Of course, it would be a cold day before I ever said the L word first to a girl. lol Never happen... again anyway. I learned my lesson on THAT.

 

Is it boring? Maybe. I never claimed to be exciting. If a woman wants entertainment and thrills, let her watch a movie or go to an amusementpark. lol It's not my job to entertain her. If who I am is not exciting enough for her, then she obviously is not right for me anyhow.

 

Who says there needs to be excitement? Don't tell me you're one of those people who would bungee jump out a cliff or something, just for the sheer 'thrill' of it. Just because something is supposedly 'exciting' (and what some call exciting, other would call anxiety-provoking), doesn't mean we should do it. If I ever decided to express interest in a female - doubtful, but we'll just say 'if' - then I would be doing it because I am genuinely interested, not because I crave excitement or a cheap thrill.

 

I can understand it is a huge risk for the other person (who doesn't exist, but we'll say hypothetically) to express interest by themselves, without indication of reprocity. But it's also not fair for others to expect the same of me. It works both ways.

 

I've definitely never met anyone I've ever had feelings for right away. I may like their appearance, but that's about it. Feeling anything like love or emotion takes time, after you get to know the person intimately.

[CelesteSeven]

Well Wilhelm, maybe it's just the type of person you are!

But in my opinion, if you have feelings for someone, you should express them. Maybe not in a grand way, but at least hint at it. And then if she feels the same way, she'll respond in a way that hints at liking you etc.

 

The guy I'm with, like I said, were really close for 1.5 years. I get excitment from him just from being around him. We can be laying on the couch watching the basketball, and it's a thrill and a joy just to be wrapped in his arms.

 

It's true, he told me he loved me first. I don't see why that's a problem for the guy to say it first; seeing as in this society, a lot of women tell their guys they love them, and the guys get all scared an nervous and back off/out.

 

But we click (which is good becaue we're kind of weird people ). I tell him how much he means to me, and he does the same! Mostly everything in the relationship is mutual, including the sharing of compliments.

I can't forsee me staying very long in a relationship with someone who shows no interest (as you seem to be saying). Maybe you just haven't met that right girl yet

 

Also, body language isn't something planned that you need to work out. It's something that we automatically do. You can control it (on some minimal level) if you so choose. But it's something that happens subconsciously. Body language does give off clues; it's fact, actually. The fact that you feel like controlling your body language is also clue to something!

[cpc28655]

To be honest, sometimes we can't even tell if we like you. As silly as it may sound, sometimes we need you to help us to help you, lol. I would recommend asking.

[CaptainPlanet]

Just be really nice to him and hint that you want to spend time alone if ever he mentions doing something, like i don't know hes going to a baseball game, you should suddenly like baseball, for example. Be really really nice and stand close to him any opportunity you get. Face him with your shoulders and feet, don't fold your arms or cross your legs in an overly protective way. Play with you hair and touch your ears when you are around him. All of these things can be a dead give away and I look for them all the time. If a woman does not atleast do one of them, I am not even going to consider asking he out.

[Leonhart]

Nah. Women are supposed to make the first move. More so with me, since I'm reluctant. Then, if I like her and feel like it, maybe I'll respond.

 

I used to be engaged, so I know what it is to love someone and reciprocate romance, affection and love. I was talking purely about before you even converse with a person, not once you've already begun dating. Obviously dating someone who couldn't give a damn about you, is not a wise strategy.

 

But if you're aware of something, it is no longer unconscious. It becomes 'conscious.' I know that body language is controllable, not just through my own experience, but I've seen women flirt with guys purely to boost their own egos, then once the guy starts talking to the girl, she totally blows him off. See it happen more than a few times; kind of felt sorry for the poor sap. lol Oh well, live and learn.

 

 

 

Do you honestly believe that? Honestly...?

 

I have a hard time accepting that really works. Do you find that actually works for you, or no? I have my doubts.

[CaptainPlanet]

Yes it works. You need to show us that you are interested. The things I listed are the most simple and obvious things we (men) look for.

[Leonhart]

But women can use those things you listed as a way of manipulating a guy that she 'likes' him, with absolutely no interest in reality.

 

How do you discern between the genuine flirts and the ones who only do it to get attention, without any interest?

[kiwifly]

How do you discern between the genuine flirts and the ones who only do it to get attention, without any interest?

That's what I want to know for the guys!

[CaptainPlanet]

That's what I want to know for the guys!

 

you cannot tell

 

simple

[kiwifly]

THERE YOU GO! He is nice to everyone, but HIS LOOK CHANGES when he is with you! He may be just a little nervous to take the next step..most nice guys are and thats how they end up best friends.

 

Play with him a bit. Rub his arm and shoulder, hug him closer. Here is a great trick, take him casually by the arm and lay your hand on his wrist, but in such a way as to be able to feel his pulse. It will be either very fast or very slow. Both are a sign that he is in to you.

 

I suggest very soft kiss on the lips as you part company, ending with a shy smile. Soft enought to be between friends, but the smile can suggest otherwise. If he has any interests, he's sure to take it a bit further.

 

That's encouraging! I don't know about the touchy moves though. Naturally I'm not a person who is touchy, not even with friends. It looks cold, but that's just how I am - I need to be very comfortable with the person before I can even think of hugging them. I'd love to try the suggestions but they're so bold for me! I think I do unknowingly send out signs to him. I smile lots, stand close to him, probably blush too...I think he knows I like him though, my pals say even though I'm shy and don't do much its clear when I like someone since I'm usually very talkative with anyone else. They say I act "cute". Do men find shy and cute attractive?