How many girls here have been used for sex?

[EvaGina]

That doesnt sound like she was using you for sex at all.

Think about it, if she was in abusive relationships, she probably only knew affection through sex and things...

She was probably desperate for someone to be with her for her, but didnt know how to do it. and about the other guy, she is probably just clinging to whoever shows her affection becuase everyone throws her away.

 

Instead of being heartless and flinging her away like that, you should have realised that she is TOTALLY messed up, sat her down and talked to her, told her you werent interested in a sexual relationship but you would be there for her as a friend, that she didnt have to use sex to keep you around.

 

You probably just contributed to her problems, seeing as she opened up to you, messed up, came back and put herself on the line, and you ignored her.

[TheFoglifter]

... in other words he is too scared to have a real relationship where you work out your problems and develop a real bond."

 

Nice twist-attempt. If you define a "real relationship" as one where he doesn't get ANYTHING he wants, the girl stops giving sex, demands exorbitant things (material or otherwise), and is just generally not fun at all, then YES, he IS scared of that type of relationship. You are assuming that these problems can be worked out, and in many cases they cannot. He has no reason to stay.

 

... I doubt the feeling is mutual for the girls, unless he TELLS them he is going to leave after 3 months, he is a complete and utter toss-pot."

 

He has that confident personality where he is pretty clear about his levels of tolerance. He is able to love quite completely, but at the same time he is very clear about what will make him walk. While he may not come right out and say "I am leaving 3 months after this moment" he conducts himself in a manner that very clearly draws boundaries. This is evident in the way he discusses problems (if the emotions get too heated, preventing constructive discussion, he'll refuse to continue until she has calmed down).

 

If the genders were flipped and we were talking about a woman, she'd be PRAISED as being independent and self-sure.

 

... if he did tell them that, then he is basically blackmailing them into swallowing their needs so as not to cause "crap""

 

So what you are really saying is that he is bad because he leaves before the woman blackmails HIM into swallowing his needs and not to cause crap. Seems you are bitter because he is leaving before she can do to him what you are accusing him of doing to her.

 

... sounds like a complete winner!! not an immature manipulative little child at all!!"

 

Lets see... he's had sex with dozens of absolutely gorgeous girls, he is always happy as a clam, he has no trouble getting girls, he doesn't let them manipulate him, and now he is going on 6 months with a girl who doesn't persecute him the way your responses do? Yes, I'd say that is quite successful, the definition of a "winner".

[mintblossom]

one word: misogyny.

[TheFoglifter]

teardrops, I really really really feel bad that you were used, and I've never been able to use girls myself, but you do have to understand that there are two sides to every story, and everyone has their own unique wants, timetables, expectations, rules, and experiences.

 

Simply put: there are always going to be destructive combinations. The emotionally needy should not be with the emotionally detatched. The sex-a-holic should not be with the prude. The gold-digger should not be with the "bohemian". In each of these, and many more, one person is going to be hurt by virtue of the clash in personalities.

 

Its like rock-paper-scissors... each type has dominance over another type, but must also yield to another type. Two rocks might be happy, but a rock won't be happy with a paper.

 

I'm sorry if you have only been with the type of people who use you. From what I have read you sound like a wonderful person who is looking to give a lot of yourself, but hasn't found someone to give in return.

 

Also, like I said earlier -- what you think is using may be the result of someone saying enough is enough. In your position, having been hurt so many times, do you plan to repeat the actions that led to getting hurt, or do you plan to change your actions to avoid the undesired result? If the latter, I could argue that you are a man-hater now.

[Grosse vache]

do you plan to repeat the actions that led to getting hurt, or do you plan to change your actions to avoid the undesired result? If the latter, I could argue that you are a man-hater now.

 

I fail to see how changing her actions to avoid being used again means she is now a man hater? Please explain.

[DN]

This thread has run it's course - thread closed.