Ex dumps me for another guy...then crushed me more...

[don87gn]

I was going with this girl for about a year and a half. We did everything together and we were each other's best friends. We stayed true to each other. I am 20, she is 18. We never planned on having sex until we married. We made our relationship not based on sex and vowed never to do it. She got a new job this past summer and she started hanging around new people. She even made friends with a couple guys. Well one night she went to one of the guys' house and they had alcohol. The one guy got her really drunk and I guess they were left alone and the guy took advantage of her and date raped her. She went to the hospital the next couple days and had tests done. She turned out ok. She didn't tell me until a week later. We agreed to just leave it behind and move on.

 

Well things started to change after this event. It was like we weren't connecting anymore and that she wasn't interested in me anymore. So then two more months go by and out of the blue she tells me that she wants to break it off with me because she found another guy that "interested" her. She told me that the relationship with me was getting boring and I was getting boring to her. I did nothing wrong in the relationship and I did EVERYTHING for her. She told me that for the last month when we were together that if a guy was to come around her and show interest in her that she would jump on it. She had it planned.

 

Well anyways she's been dating this guy for about a month now. She says it's not gonna work out because he is too far away and that he has alot of problems. She says he doesn't compare to me and he's completely opposite of me. Well guess what...I find out that they had sex together on like the 3rd week. I almost lost it. After going a year and a half and never vowing to have sex with me...then she dumps me for no reason and then has sex with a random guy she barely knows. I don't know how to desribe how I am feeling right now. I feel so hurt right now.

 

Well now she says that she still misses me and she wants to break it off with this guy and hang out with me again. I told her that I don't know and that if we were to get back together that it would never be the same because now we have lost something special in her being a virgin. I am still a virgin but obviously she is not now. How do I deal with this? Is it even possible to make it work with her again? I really do miss her still and love her but I am trying my hardest to find another girl. In the meantime I think about what she did to me and how I could ever forgive her. What are your guys' opinions? I know sex isn't everything...but it's the fact that she went back on her word and had sex with this guy and not me...like he is more special to her than I was...I don't know what to do

[kuja_13]

i'd be mad too, maybe its best that you move on. I think you can find a girl that will treat you better than that. You don't need to be with someone who vowed not to have sex until you were married and then went out and had sex with someone she barely knew...

[charmed]

Hey There,

 

Thanks for sharing your problem with us. Firstly I would like to say that you and her had an agreement with each other and that was based on you staying together until you were married and not including time appart I'm sure. Basically, things changed, and that is the way it is. What happened to her of course changed the way things were to work and that is unfortunate for both of you in this situation.

 

She is obviously unsure about what she wants at the moment, and is probably sexually and emotionally confused. Her indecisiveness is triggering the response you are showing us here - and that is to be expected.

 

You need to decide can you get past this situation and be with her. Can you picture yourself married to her in 10 years time, past all this, and it long and forgotton about. If so, then you should work on the situation and let her know about the concerns you have for her simply running away from you at the forst whim because she is confused.

 

Did she ever talk to a professional about what happened her - that would be clearly a good idea for her.

 

THe bottom line is that the road ahead with her may prove to be tough work - do you love her enough to work on the situation and help her through it while you are doing it yourself?

 

Hope this helps yousome,

 

~Charmed~

[Mar]

I have to mention too that she did the classic "grass is greener on the other side" thing, and found that in fact it WASN'T...I'd also take into consideration whether she's liable to do this to you AGAIN, if another man catches her eye.

 

She said she was bored with you, and that the relationship was boring...what's going to change for her if you get back together with her? Have either you or her made some huge changes in the time you were apart? People generally DON'T change in that short of a time, and if they have, it's not lasting.

 

Just consider all of your doubts, versus your love for her, and the things she has told you. If you can go forward without resentment, without distrust, without feelings of being betrayed, and give your heart fully to her again, and expect that she'll give hers to you fully, then you have a chance at this. But if you have doubts, it's very hard to overcome those doubts and make another complete commitment to that person.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[don87gn]

i just talked to her on the phone...here's what was said...

 

basically she said that she doesn't know how to get rid of this guy...she told me that she called him up today and played a trick on him...she told him that she thought she was pregnant and that she was feeling very sick...the guy went nuts and started trying to plan for the worst...i guess she said that maybe she was wrong and maybe wasn't pregnant...i thought that was kinda funny...she said she was just testing him and wanting him to "settle down" because he keeps pressuring her into sexual activities all the time and she doesn't want it...

 

and get this...this is kinda personal i know...but it relates to the situation...i guess the guy asked her how he compared to me as far as "size"...she told me that she told him the truth to his face and that she said "no...my ex was way bigger..." OUCH

 

soooo what's going through her mind? she said that she needs time to rethink about everything and that she wants to get her mind straight again...we were talking like before, laughing together and making fun of this guy...she even asked me what i was doing this weekend and i told her i was going racing with my car with my friends...she said good for me and she was happy to see me having fun instead of worrying about her all the time...

 

towards the end of the conversation i asked her what's the status on us right now...she said that she wants me to stay open minded...but still keep looking for another girl or date other girls...i told her that i planned on that anyways...i told her that i will keep my mind open for you, but IF a girl decides to come around, i am jumping all over it...she said that she felt better hearing that...

 

so now i guess i am just gonna keep going with life and not even think about her for a while...i am gonna let her gather her thoughts and maybe she will want to reunite...if not i am not gonna let it bother me...