Done

[mintblossom]

i'm done. done on being hung up on people who are not worth it. done with moping around. done with being unable to enjoy life. done with feeling empty and cold. done with feeling down and depressed. done with obsessing about the past. done with blaming myself. done with guilt. done with racking up emotional baggage like a high roller at a slot machine. done with building up emotional turmoil. done with hurting myself. done with making awful mistakes - one after another. done with having to restart every couple of months. done with kicking and beating myself up. done with the dirt. done with the dregs of society. done with manipulative, lying, backstabbing persons. done with bad behavior. done with stealing. done with those who hurt me. done with those who treat me badly or speak to me badly. done with not paying attention to how i'm treated. done with not picking up on my six senses. done with every single freaking rotten thing. im done done done. done with not believing what a person's nonverbal language tells me about them. done with creeps. done with those who burn and break me for no reason other than just because they can. done with bad memories, experiences. done with horror, terror, bloodshed, crying.

 

gotta stop and put an end to the cycle otherwise i will never be able to live well. it's been a really hard road and a hard time. im so sick and tired of being sick and tired. so sick. so tired. so sick and tired.

[isisastaria]

Good news? We've all been there and we can all get through it.

[mintblossom]

It's just that..I'm very soft-hearted. I've been hurt a lot and kicked by people when I'm already down. This time has been really bad because it involved sex which is something meaningful and emotional for me. Not just a casual callous act.

 

But the realization is that

1. I can't let these people destroy my life

2. I can't let them win

3. I rather be on my own than around someone treats me badly

4. I despise and want nothing to do with backstabbers, liars, manipulators, gossips, cliques, immaturity, disrespect, cruelty, or viciousness

5. I will be careful about who I let into my life

6. I am going to cut my losses and run earlier than later (It is better to give up faster than to stay around wishing, hoping.)

7. My boundaries, morals, values are important to me.

8. My mom did not bring me into this world to be messed with.

9. Cutting someone completely out is the best thing to do - It's like a cancer.....you let a little bit in and it spreads and kills.

10. I will be true to who I am and the good person I am - despite it all.

11. Small things matter to me.

 

Feel free to add more....I would love to hear!

 

I also realized....I've been wearing my hurt like a suit of armor, I feel it protects me, covers me, keeps me wrapped in it. But it is also suffocating me on the inside. I am afraid to be without this suit of armor because it means being vulnerable but there's gotta be a better way.

[floramae]

it's almost as if that were written by me. i getcha. especially the part about starting over every couple months. hate it.

 

i come from the perspective of feeling i'm conscious of things around me while others arent. is that egocentric? have you ever heard someone talk very badly about someone you know? the person you know has no idea this other person feels this way...this person may say terrible horrible things, gossip, etc, and then smile at the person you know and act friendly. you watch this and are mortified thinking, "how awful it must be to be so ignorant." i do that, and i hate it. i think that ignorance is bliss and i wish i was ignorant or perhaps more apathetic. i am paranoid. i never let my guard down, i trust no one and every relationship i get into is like walking on glass. i never come out clean, i always feel like i was better before i ever got involved with them, i let my priorities fall by the wayside, and i have to start from square one.

[Pkittie]

Guys reading your post made me feel so sad....I came to the US 6 yrs back as a happyily married woman...today I only have bitterness and sadness left. My ex hubby left...two yrs later I met somebody who broke my heart & went thro the terrible pain of that. One after other I only come accross guys who are not looking for love. I'm so very tired...each night I cry & go to sleep. No family in the US I am beginning to lose it...but ya I feel I have to conquer it all. These jerks don't deserve a thought......I will not let my guard down. Sat eve I met a guy who I really liked. Sun I met him again & he was all touchy feely & tried to kiss me. I turned my face, didn't wanna go beyond hugging. Is this the dating norm in US? I looked in Friendster, saw his profile. One pic was him felxing his muscles without his shirt. I was SHOCKED...probably must be looking for fun. He's 33 & raised here. I sent him a msg saying nudity is prohibited on Friendster...thro my profile, never got a reply. I am still groping in the dark...how to find my way thro this maze of darkness.....HELP

[SexySadie7]

Poochie.. yeah.. the way guys treat women in the US is sinful for the most part. We are nothing but playthings to them. If you are knockdown gorgeous or have a huge chest then you are a keeper.. but other than than.. most of the guys i've met lately have treated me like dirt.

I can so relate to what you are saying, especially the manipulative people:

" 2. I can't let them win

3. I rather be on my own than around someone treats me badly

4. I despise and want nothing to do with backstabbers, liars, manipulators, gossips, cliques, immaturity, disrespect, cruelty, or viciousness

5. I will be careful about who I let into my life

6. I am going to cut my losses and run earlier than later (It is better to give up faster than to stay around wishing, hoping.)

7. My boundaries, morals, values are important to me.

8. My mom did not bring me into this world to be messed with.

 

You are so right.. our moms didn't carry us for 9 months only to be treated like garbage later. We are precious in our own right, even if NO ONE else thinks so!

As far as the nudity goes Poochie... a guy without his shirt is not considered to be nude, just shirtless. Of course a woman couldn't appear without a shirt, that would be nudity. Just so you know...

I don't think American men are the least bit respectful toward women. Our culture is like garbage now. Guys are so perverted and nasty in what they expect their women to do now.. Have you looked at a popular men's magazine lately? Half of them have on their covers... "how to get your girl to do a threesome!"

Good god.. the guy would never agree to having another man in your bedroom, but somehow he thinks it's within his RIGHTS to insist you share a bed with another woman! i find that disgusting....

I have more "friends" who are always expecting me to do them favors! Do they ever do me one? Hardly ever.... and when they do. it's like they act like they've been so kind to me.. Who needs friends like this.. but there's hardly anyone friendly in our town, it's very cliquey.

I have got another "friend" who I'm about to kick to the curb. Not only is he ugly and is always making kind of risque remarks to me, even though, I've told him, point blank, I only want to be platonic friends with him.

The last time we were supposed to go do something, he didn't even bother to tell me where we were to meet and just totally forgot about me. Then he proceeds to tell me how great a time he had at the place we were supposed to meet!

Talk about rude and lacking in manners and consideration. Now he thinks he's got the right to know all kinds of things about my background. I'm not being paranoid, but he's very gossipy in some ways... I'm not about to disclose all kinds of things to this guy. Half the people in this town whom I was such "great" friends with and disclosed all kinds of personal things about myself, now won't even say hello to me in public! And these are people I've spent hours upon hours with, doing them all kinds of favors, and being emotionally supportive when they were down. When I was down, they wouldn't even answer their phones!!!

Who really needs these kind of people in your life? i don't....

It's bad enough being poor... the town I live in has crappy jobs, if they are available at all, besides being mistreated.

I'm about to say.. "later for it, and not even bother trying to be friends with the people around here. They are all about themselves, and they sure don't give a flip about my feelings either. They've proved that over and over!!!