i dont get along with my parents AT ALL

[missmebaby]

hi im a 20 year old female who currently still lives at home only because im a full time nursing student which takes up all my time and money and im only able to work 2-3 days a week. unfortunately im the oldest child and i feel like my two younger brothers are more loved and get many more priveleges than i ever did. my parents have always been strict and ive been overprotected my whole life and not allowed to do many of the things my friends do. im a good student, have a good future ahead of me, ill be a registered nurse in a little over a year, ive never done drugs or smoked, and i rarely drink. ive never been arrested or in any trouble for that matter. ive never been pregnant and ive only slept with 3 guys in my life, all of which were serious boyfriends.

 

but my parents are kind of dorks lol, and they were good kids at my age and my mom grew up in a strict religious family. so my parents think im this horrible girl, they have called me stupid and slutty and lazy. stupid because i choose to go out with my friends once or twice a week instead of staying home, and lazy because my room isnt always clean and my laundry isnt always done, and slutty because i have sex with my boyfriend and because i i wear thongs instead of granny panties. they always say how they cant stand having me here but anytime i go out with my friends i get a lecture from them which always ends in a screaming argument, and i sometimes stay at my boyfriend's house which leads them to calling me a sl*t and anytime my boyfriend is around they are rude to him and dont speak to him even though he is a great guy to me and has always been polite to them.

 

anytime i buy healthy food for myself my parents and brothers always end up eating it even though i have repeatedly asked them not to, and whenever i confront them about it they just tell me to shut up and quit making such a big deal about it. my brothers come in my room and take my 4-wheeling gear and use it for themselves and my parents just laugh it off when i tell them, but anytime i go in my brothers' rooms and borrow a shirt or something i get yelled at for a half hour. anytime my brothers pick a fight with me and i try to defend myself my dad laughs at me and tells me to stop being immature and stupid and leave my brothers alone. lately we have been fighting more than ever and my dad has been saying i have a mental problem. i honestly dont think i have a mental problem at all, and if i do its because they have driven me crazy. i mean i get along just fine with everyone else, i just cant stand my parents and they are always hostile to me. i try to avoid them as much as possible. the only time i am ever in a bad mood is when im home around my parents.

 

i feel that they are just so verbally and emotionally abusive calling me stupid and slutty and always sticking up for my brothers. they care much more about my brothers' grades in high school than they do about mine in the nursing program. whenever my mom is mad at me she refuses to speak to me and no matter what i say to her or ask her she refuses to answer me or even acknowledge im there. whenever we have a family get together she forbids me to come, saying she doesnt want me there even though its my family too. my dad always says im too stupid and ill never get through school even though ive done great in my first year. all of this has really caused me to hate my parents and ive developed such bitterness towards them.

 

i just dont know what to do...does it sound like my parents are as horrible as i think they are? or is it me thats the problem? what can i possibly do? (theres no way i can possibly move out right now) my parents are causing me to feel like a horrible person and i feel like maybe i really do have a mental problem.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Wow, I am sorry things have been hard on the homefront. I suppose you can do a few things. You can scrounge up as much money as you can and save for your own place. Perhaps move to a place where someone is looking for a roommate, so you can split everything down the middle.

 

As far as your healthy food goes, I would hide the food in your room or lock it up. And any perishable foods, I would perhaps buy a little fridge and stock it in there? I know a year sounds like an eternity but it really is not.

 

You are in a tough bind. But I guess it to the point if your parents have nothing nice to say about you are what you are doing, I would just leave the room. Just because they are family, does not mean you have to tolerate that kind of treatment.

[missmebaby]

well i DO keep the food in my room, thats the worst part. they come in and help themselves. also, i forgot to mention something. i was never allowed to have a cell phone until i was 18 and had my own job and paid for it myself. well for christmas my 16 year old brother received a very nice cell phone which my parents are paying for. also, they forced me to get a job as soon as i turned 16 but my brother is almost 17 and they have never even asked him to get a job. then i have a 12 year old brother who just bought a computer for himself even though we have another one that works perfectly fine. when i was 19 years old i bought myself a computer because i was in college and needed one and my parents still to this day yell at me for spending my money on a computer

[Japanfreak05]

WOW...... I couldn't have said it any better.....I feel like you just wrote out MY life.

 

I'm also 20. I'm the oldest with a younger brother and sister. They get away with EVERYTHING. They bring home F's on their report cards and their punishments usually last no more than a day. While ME on the other hand, I'm left to clean the house, while they sit around a play video games. My mom will get mad when I don't clean the kitchen ONE day. She always says "you need to do some work around here, I can't do it all by myself" which is such a lie!!! cuz I do EVERYTHING lol it's fustrating.

 

We went down to FLA last weekend to visit family and the whole time I was their my parents where trying to force me to stay because "they need a break from me" and want me out of the house. My MOM NEVER says more than 2 words to my boyfriend, and she always talks bad about him when he's not here, trying to make me feel bad or something. I've been with the guy for 2 years, clearly he's not going anywhere.

 

OK I buy myself food and someone always eats it. I confront them and I get told "you can't have your own stuff, if you want your own stuff you can get out"

 

I believe my parents are also emotionally abusive to me too. There's no way I can move out because I'm also in school with no money. Does your boyfriend live with his parents too?? If he doesn't, maybe consider moving in with him. My boyfriend still lives at home tho.

 

I try to be tough and not let what my parents say get to me. But it still hurts. What I realized was, You have to live your life for you!!!! You determine YOUR future NOT your parents. Once you get out the house, they will be long gone, wanting to come visit. YOU decide if they can come over or not. You'll be a RN making big money.

 

I know it's hard now, but it's so crazy how our stories are alike, I know how you must feel. I posted in here awhile back about my mom it's called "my mom is jealous of me" Alot of people said things that made me feel better, maybe they can help you too. We can make it I know we can!!!! It sucks so bad and I really wish things were different, cuz I feel like I'm the only one on my side at home. I really wish I had the kind of parents I could talk to about my problems, but I don't.

 

I know one thing. You are NOT a horrible person. Your parents see you doing well and better than them, all they can do is be jealous and make you feel bad, make you feel like you arn't worth anything. But you've got to live your life for YOU. Knowing that keeps me going.

[Japanfreak05]

haha we joined this site the same month and have the same number of posts......well not anymore cuz I just posted again. heh weird....but cool.

[in_the_mirror]

yeah,i would suggest trying to save up to move out, move in with ur b/f for a little bit until you get on your feet, find a roommate, something....you've already found confronting them isn't going to work, so just do your best to be a daughter at a distance then at home...

 

i can't say i have similar issues, but i do have problems with my parents just wanting to control a lot of my life because they don't understand who i am. whether it is my fault or not, sometimes parents just don't understand what they are doing to their kids....all we can do is pray that someday they get it, and we will too...