No Sex Drive

[Alezia]

Hi =)

 

I feel a bit akward writing about this, but I have almost no sex drive. I don't masturbate either.

 

This is obviously affecting my current partner, which we've been on-off together for over a year. I've always had no sex drive, but I would have sex with my partner when he pleased... obviously that's not good enough for him because he doesn't feel I'm into it. And yes, it does seem more like a chore for me than anything else.

 

I have zero-drive almost... exception here and there, especially when I drink. So I don't crave sex at all. I used to be able to reach orgasm each time before when we had sex... but now that's gone also and i just plainly don't feel anything when i'm having sex. It's starting to feel like a waste of time...

I'm also not someone who fears intimacy, I love to kiss, makeout, hold hands, cuddle etc... just no desire for sex.

 

I've been in a string of monogamous relationships since I was 16... and my first relationship was abusive and started having sex while I wasn't ready. I guess I've been having sex ever since out of "chore". I don't know if my age comes into play in this, I'm 21 and my partner is 25. So it's been something like 5.5 years of "chore sex".

 

In general it seems somewhat hard to get some answers from my partner, and communication was never all that good. We're both very busy people / stressed. I'm going to try to get off the pill next month and increase my exercice and have a better diet to start with... I've been thinking of seeing the family doctor about this, but I'm not too sure it's the best first step.

 

I guess I'm trying to get some advice on what I could do to boost my libido or be able to enjoy sex at all that it now has come to. I don't want to tell my partner that I don't care about his need, but I don't want to force myself into something I'm not.

[Jetta]

It very well could be a reaction to the pill. If you're on any meds at all a side affect is often sex drive. I'm noticing this with the meds I'm on, right now no problem since I have no boyfriend but it will be. Of course stopping the pill means you'll be able to become pregnant so take precautions unless it's what you want. But I bet your sex drive will return once you quit the pill.

[Stu147]

It very well could be a reaction to the pill. If you're on any meds at all a side affect is often sex drive. I'm noticing this with the meds I'm on, right now no problem since I have no boyfriend but it will be. Of course stopping the pill means you'll be able to become pregnant so take precautions unless it's what you want. But I bet your sex drive will return once you quit the pill.

 

I completely agree with what Jetta says, and I would add that the stress you mention could also be affecting your sex drive. Stress & anxiety are known to have that effect in a lot of people.

[MrCrazy2u]

Going to see a doctor is always a first good step with any health related question, even sexual health.

 

Stress and anxiety have HUGE impact on your sex drive. Changing your diet and exercising should help a lot in reducing any stress you may have, but if you're constantly stressed out about "things you have to do" it'll be pretty tough to find time to go to the gym or go running.

[Clementine orange]

could be psychological - I'd be talking to a psychologist perhaps. Don't enjoy sex? Then you are missing out on something. Plus your partner is.

[Alezia]

As for the doctor part, do you think family doctor would be best (since do I need somekind of reference to see a gynecalogist/therapist)... or can I go to a profesional on the subject directly.

I would doubt my family doctor would have a lot of information about it.

I'm under the Canadian system btw =)

[MrCrazy2u]

Most doctors tend to know a little bit of everything so maybe you should go see your family doctor first and if he/she can't give you the answers then you should go see a gyno... technically if your family doctor can't give you the answers they should refer you to someone who can

[NHBaglady]

By all means, see your Primary Care Physician, if he is unable to help you then request a referral to a gynecologist. If possible, one who specializes in sexual dysfunction. The pill can, and has, caused a lack of libido in MANY women. And, unfortunately, it does not always return when you stop taking the pill.

 

I feel for you. I'm a good bit older, and thank God my husband of many years has accepted the fact that sex is no longer a part of my life, and not by my chosing. I know what I've lost, I remember what it was like. I miss it terribly and want it back, not only for myself but for my husband.

 

But it seems that is not happening. I've been through the whole spectrum of what alternative and mainstream medicine has to offer. The end of my search is disappointing, indeed....but at least it's an answer for us.

 

You're too young to 'take this lying down'.......get the help, both medical and psychological (your past history speaks of a need for a little assistance in this area) and live a full life with all the joys life has to offer. You sound depressed, and that isn't going to help anyone or anything.

 

Chore sex robs your partner of the intimacy that sex is about, and reinforces whatever issues you have.

 

Get help....don't give up. Sounds like your partner truly cares about you, you're lucky.

[MrCrazy2u]

You sound depressed, and that isn't going to help anyone or anything.

 

I don't know if I could emphasize this enough if I had the rest of eternity... that was a HUGE factor in why my last girlfriend came to despise sex and barely ever wanted it.