i must be doing something wrong

[workaholic]

Hi,

 

I'm a person who works long hours, but amazingly I've developed a really great social life. Part of the reason why it's great is because I now have quite a few female friends as well. In college I met girls who accepted me for who I am, plus I became more sociable and flexed my personality muscles. I'm very satisfied with the results! But I'm stuck in a rut because every single female I've met has become a strictly platonic friend.

 

You might ask, what's the problem? Well, my sex life is suffering. Doesn't matter if I met a woman online, or took a trip to a resort town with my guy buddies. I haven't met a regular woman yet who didn't see or feel that I could be more than a friend. I have plenty of sisters..I mean lady friends, and I met them in a variety of ways, from classes, clubs, conferences and parties. Most of them could've been my girlfriend.

[cara223]

Take a chance. Ask one of them if they'd like to spend some time together on your time off, alone, see a movie or something.If most of your social activities are done in a group, it doesn't provide adequate conditions to get to know someone on a level slighty higher than friendship.

 

They may also feel intimidated by your other friends who are girls too.

[jessijess]

definitely try to hang out with them solo. leave the rest of your friends to fend for themselves for a night. that way you & the girl have each other's full attention with no distractions & it should be a good way to clue her in to your true feelings. Some of the "sisters" you've adopted probaly didn;t know that you were interested in more. good luck with everything!

[ghost69]

maybe it's the places you hang with your friends at. pool halls, coffee shops, other generic places could give off the wrong signal.

[Scout]

Is it possible that potential girlfriends are threatened by all the female friends you have? I know I would be, and so would probably not pursue something. It seems you've got enough female friends, so quit collecting more. Start pursuing women you're interested in romantically, and let them know it right off the bat.

 

It might also help to figure out if you're unconsciously keeping your Friendzoned for some reason. For example, insecurities about romantic relationships, fears of being rejected if you show you're interested in more, etc.

 

Your username gives me a bit of pause for thought, too. Perhaps you are focusing too much on work, and not enough on your personal needs. Also, many women wouldn't want to get too involved with someone who is so wrapped up in his job that he works incredibly long hours. That wouldn't leave too much time for her, would it?

 

So to sum up, perhaps you're hiding a bit in your work and the Friend Zone because you're a little gunshy about forming closer, deeper attachments with people.

[ghost69]

do you block yourself from becoming something further? shielding is a common problem.