Call versus Not?

[gwen89]

This thread is a little different from the NC difficulty that people usually face after a breakup. I just brokeup with someone (we had been together for close to 2 years) a month back but that was when I was thousands of miles away from him for a 6 month period. It wasn't the usual "let's see other people" kind of situation but more like "I don't see us heading towards marriage and where do we take it from here" . He wanted to be friends and yet wanted to work through issues that we never communicated about (sounds confusing!) and the breakup wasn't initiated over a specific incident but just came out of the blue from him.Finally I asked; are you a commitment phobic(based on several character traits of his and the fact that he was grasping at straws as to why the relationship couldn't work) and that set him thinking. H emailed me twice after that telling me he was working through this commitment phobia issue and had been thinking a lot about it.But by then after a lot of initial tears and soul searching, I had realised objectively that as much as I am fond of him, he had serious personal issues that he had to sort out for himself and which could potentially jeopardise my emotional life and self-esteem if I stayed on and have decided that perhaps he isn't the right guy for me. I have just come home and we haven't communicated for about 3 weeks. Whether or not he remains a friend isn't that important to me now as I feel that my good platonic friends wouldn't have treated me half as badly as he has. What would you guys do in this situation? Would you call him just to let him know how you feel or would you just disappear from the scene(in my opinion that's the easiest way for me)?

[gwen89]

Just as an addition, I did not reply to the 2 emails he sent me and he hasn't called since then but 2 of his friends have called me since I've returned to say hi and how's things.

[heavensent101]

pls don't call him.. you've done enough-you deserve far better than this

[Honey Pumpkin]

Just as an addition, I did not reply to the 2 emails he sent me and he hasn't called since then but 2 of his friends have called me since I've returned to say hi and how's things.

 

Well, he's probably thinking you're not talking to him to be honest. I mean, you're upset that you haven't communicated, but you didn't get back in touch with him.

 

I'm sorry you're in pain - do you want to be friends with him? Sometimes after a break-up, that's not really an option. Some people cannot cope with being friends with a lover immediately afterwards, they need a break to adjust to the loss.

[devast]

So it means you are the one who broke it off for what you think is the right reason?Correct me if I'm wrong...

 

So you want him to realize his issues by himself...So maybe you told him... "we need some time apart..." So you did NC...

 

What if he respected your decision and he is really working out on his issues by himself, just afraid to come to you, since you were the one who broke if off and maybe he is thinking that no matter what he do to beg you if you don't want him anymore, what he's doing is nothing to you...

 

Aren't you going to find out if he's working out his issues and if he want you to be together again and work it out? Afterall you are the one who broke it up...

 

i am sorry for this comment but this is my confusion about... Who would act first if both are in NC and respects each others grieving and loss...I am in the dumpee, wanting to come back and work things out, side. I am asking you coz you sound just like my ex...

 

Check out this thread "Both in ENA, doing the same thing..So what now?" under the GETTING BACK TOGETHER forum..They said its the person who started the idea of "the needing some time and space" thing who does the move to find out if their dumpee would still want to work things out and get back together...