gwen89

Thanks guys! Well I guess I am extremely sad cos' we were supposed to be together again after I had been away for a 6 month training stint. And he dropped the bombshell 3 weeks before I was due to come back! So I actually feel really depressed now that I'm back home and everything seems so different, quiet and lonely without him. His reasons were because he thought I was selfish and self centred cos' I didn't contribute enough financially to the relationship as both of us earn quite a bit so he thought we should contribute according to our resources. But I am darn sure I have been and even more than that. He also admitted that he has commitment phobia. Ok..this might change your perpective. He is 20 years older than me and has been divorced once (his marriage only lasted one day!) and since then has not been in any really long-term serious relationship.

How can someone be completely nice and have a perfectly regular conversation with you 2 weeks before a breakup? And then ignore you completely after. It's almost like a Jekyll and Hyde act. Does it mean that the person had it all planned out..like timing and everything beforehand? Am sitting here in shock, sadness and pain. Please help.

Hi Kate. I just want to tell you that there are others out there in similar situations to you if it will make you feel any better. My ex wanted to breakup with me about a month back as well although he wasn't very clear cut about the reasons why. We were tog for almost 2 years. Anyway, he did it in the meanest way possible when I was in a foreign country all by myself, not waiting till I returned. And he then sent me 2 emails sorta explaining why. I chose not to reply to any of them because I felt extremely hurt by what he had done to me. This was a guy I cared deeply for and if he couldn't appreciate that, he was not worthy of even my replies because I felt I would be opening myself up to more insults, criticisms and vulnerability to his manipulations. I know it hurts and there are some days when I just cry and cry and feel like calling and hearing his voice. I hope it'll get better soon but you know you're not alone on this..

Just as an addition, I did not reply to the 2 emails he sent me and he hasn't called since then but 2 of his friends have called me since I've returned to say hi and how's things.

This thread is a little different from the NC difficulty that people usually face after a breakup. I just brokeup with someone (we had been together for close to 2 years) a month back but that was when I was thousands of miles away from him for a 6 month period. It wasn't the usual "let's see other people" kind of situation but more like "I don't see us heading towards marriage and where do we take it from here" . He wanted to be friends and yet wanted to work through issues that we never communicated about (sounds confusing!) and the breakup wasn't initiated over a specific incident but just came out of the blue from him.Finally I asked; are you a commitment phobic(based on several character traits of his and the fact that he was grasping at straws as to why the relationship couldn't work) and that set him thinking. H emailed me twice after that telling me he was working through this commitment phobia issue and had been thinking a lot about it.But by then after a lot of initial tears and soul searching, I had realised objectively that as much as I am fond of him, he had serious personal issues that he had to sort out for himself and which could potentially jeopardise my emotional life and self-esteem if I stayed on and have decided that perhaps he isn't the right guy for me. I have just come home and we haven't communicated for about 3 weeks. Whether or not he remains a friend isn't that important to me now as I feel that my good platonic friends wouldn't have treated me half as badly as he has. What would you guys do in this situation? Would you call him just to let him know how you feel or would you just disappear from the scene(in my opinion that's the easiest way for me)?