Addiction to Masturbation and Internet Porn

[katie777]

Hey,

 

I am currently dating someone who is in the same situation as you. I was online looking for advice from other people, or help websites to help with this problem we have. I registered on this site just so I could talk with you about this. When people are saying "it's only 5-7 times a week, its not an addiction" they are not correct. I understand how it's controlling your life, and how it's getting in the way of things, and how it's making you feel miserable. Its something you've got to stop. Admitting you have a problem is very brave, and more than my boyfriend could do. I had to find out what he was doing myself, and then talk with him about it before he was even able to admit he had a problem. It consumes your life, and it just hurts other people, and yourself. I really, really understand. I've been trying to understand what my boyfriend was going through months ago (hes stopped now, completley), and I've learned a lot along the way. Firstly, I'm not a doctor, and neither are the people on here telling you that you don't have a problem. You know for yourself that it is, otherwise you woulden't be asking for help. Here's the best advice I have, with what I know so far..

 

first, make an appointment to go see a therapist. don't go see some school counsellor, unless it's just a referall. You need some professional help. Doing this alone is nearly impossible, because even if you go cold turkey for a while, you will still have temptations, and you need to address the roots of the problem, and someone else can help you learn about what these might be. My boyfriend went to see someone at an addiction center in our city, and they've really helped. They can also refer you to someone else if you need it!

 

Read about the problem, and understand about it. Get someone you know to recommend a good author. There are books specificaly about this, and getting over it. Its WAY more common that I ever knew.. so many people have this problem.

 

Make a list of things you can do on your spare time, and put it somewhere. Whenever you get the urge, haul out your list and do something from it.

 

Identify what you love, and want out of life, and go for it. Do things with your time that relate to this. When you spend all your time masturbating to some woman you don't even know online, it makes you feel so spent and worthless. You are not worthless, find what motivates you, and do it.

 

Being happy with your life, and having things to do with your time are important.

 

Cut off the routes from which you do this. I like the parental key idea!! My boyfriend got rid of the internet at his place, but seeing as how you can't do this at your fathers place, unplug the computer. Leave your computer at school, and use it only for school work. Use a radio, or cd player for your tunes, and the phone instead of MSN. Change your email address, and change the password to it with some kind of scrambled thing you dont know what it is, like "haisdhasiodhsaiodhsadosa" so you can never go back. Do the same with all the online sites you are in to. Make changes to prevent you from doing it when you get the urge. If you need to masturbate, do it to something else, and keep the computer away.

 

This is an unhealthy behaviour, but you really aren't the only one. I think as you get through this, you will have learned some new things abotu yourself, and you will be a happier person in general. My boyfriends therapist told him the addiction was a blessing in disguise. It helps you be a happier healthier person, and learn new things about yorself, and reach new heights you woulden't have if you hadn't have had this problem. And you can do it, I promise!!!

 

Thank you for this post, and for reading this, I hope it helps!!

[katie777]

I was reading through more of the posts and I have a few more insights.. its not masturbating thats the problem, its totaly normal to do it. I think some people were thinking this is what you were talking about. I also like the ideas about just getting out of the house.. its to true.. just do it dude.. go out and do things, anything. Even if no one is arround and your totaly bored.. go do something by yourself, just get outta there.

[Ball Four]

First of all I believe it is an addiction. Every time I felt like crap I jerked off. As time went on it seemed like I was feeling like crap an awful lot. I'm talking 2-5 times per day. Whether or not it was a "vicious cycle" I don't know. I'd just log on to porn and orgasm just to sort of veg out for a half hour. I do know when you veg out for a couple hours a day you turn into a vegatable.

 

Our lives seem similar. We are both basically the same age and seem to have it pretty easy I guess. Maybe a lackluster social life. I'd just go to school and them come home and chill all day. I had to find an outlet. Since going out and making new friends is not what I'm good at I started getting in shape. I got a gym membership and that took care of a lot. I go outside a lot more now that the weather is nice. I study or read for pleasure out on the porch or deck. When you close yourself off from the world be it in your room or whatever I think it leads to strange and compulsive behavior.

 

just my 2 cents. Good luck dude.

[Gator]

please check out link removed. The book No more mr nice guy has an entire chapter dedicated to this issue and its root causes.

[addicted to it]

I am as busy as is possible and i can't kick my addiction to porn, i feel a suport group could really help, but how do you find one? and it sounds freaky to admit that i wank of 4 times a day to strangers.

I work long hours and have a familly at home most of the time, but i still waste my precious hours searching for a new site to get off on. I would love to get help and i really want to beat this addiction. I was a smoker and i quite cold turkey, that has worked for more than 18 years, i feel i have an addictive personallity, and hence don't touch drugs because i feel im the type of person who easily become an addict.

Any sugestions out there?

[bobcat]

Well bennyboy, im exactly your age, i have excatly the same problem as you....work hard thru the time, get the urge, masturbate and the whole energy is gone and i start hating myself afterwards. Recently I got myself a g-friend and i thought i was going to stop it but didnt, her presense in ma lyf didnt make a difference. I lost her eventualluy and I keep blaming the whole masturbation thing coz i couldnt really give her the whole of my emotional energy after masturb...and now I even do it more, 2 days barely pass. Im a 3rd year medical student and I have a huge exam coming in 3-4 weeks time and I thought the exam pressure would make me stop for a while but still the urge keeps on overpowering me. It takes a lot of my time, energy and I have a lot to read....It's gotten worse lately. I have tried disconnecting my pc monitor and keeping it in my closet but still....I so need help people....this is starting to be a threat to my exam...

[Blue Dreamer]

Your addiction is a mindset. I do not support what the masses on this site have suggested. To think someone else can advise what is best has become a natural mindset for many.

 

Personally, I know you know what you are doing wrong. Only you have the freedom to walk away with your decision. Stop being a wuss and figure out what is most important to you. That is what will help you most in becoming "independent"

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

ALL YOU CAN do is look at yourself and say "yes i masturbate, i do it ok......efff off i do it, but i'll stop one day" dont try and hide it....just tell yourself thats what you do....or u can gett some help but i dont think you need it....but yeah 24 and looking at porn is qualiifcations of a loser....try getting out of the house more, get a job and or go to school, when you get out of the house u focus on other things besides masturbation...

[take a chance]

Yes you definitely are addicted and should seek help from somewhere such as Sex Addicts anonymous. It is quite common for people to have more than one addiction, such as smoking, drinking gambling etc.

Don't be embarrassed to go, it will change your perspective on life and you will become a better person for it. Do some reading on the web about it.

 

Good luck!

[Luke Skywalker]

Within my Green book - the strategy of overcoming masturbation and porn addiction, is as follows:

 

- Masturbation is in two phases -

a) Day-Masturbation - Three Strike Rule per month. Three strikes means restricted internet use (20 minutes per day), have to socialise and do things productive to justify or earn further internet use.

 

Harsh rules should follow day masturbation because there is no excuse since you can easily occupy your mind on something else.

 

b) Night-Masturbation - Payment of 'coupons worth $2.00 each night and attempt not to masturbate during the night'. Selection of thoughts in masturbation is subject to high standards (i.e. natural arousal as opposed to perverted types of thoughts).

 

So far, I've drink a cup of red or white wine and that's helped me to go to sleep.

 

I'm less harsh on night-masturbation since it's helpful purpose is to make me sleep if I'm awake due to sexual tension, but right now I'm working on substitution - point would be to wake up and do something else for about 30 minutes and get back to bed, or get up to eat food, etc...

 

************

ZERO-TOLERANCE PORN RULES:

 

- Do not look at any form of porn until October 1st, 2007 - may be extended indefinitely if I'm in a relationship with someone as I intend this to be a priviledge of being involuntary single.

 

- It is summer time, warm weather, go outside and look at women in real life rather than at computer. Go up approach them and/or talk to them.

 

- Any porn goes under a ZERO-STRIKE rule or (STRIKE-SHIELD) - any breach automatically means you go on probation from using the internet, and only use it for 20 minutes on any essential non-porn activity.

 

 

FINAL RECOURSE:

 

Cancel internet service for a limited time.

 

WAY TO LOOK AT PORN/MASTURBATION:

 

You EARN your own right to use the internet by not masturbating or looking at porn. That is the price you have to set and stick by it.

[Luke Skywalker]

Other concepts in the Green book:

 

- Find out what is triggering porn - thoughts of inadequacy, failure, cant cope with something and need the comfort of porn? Mark when the triggers occur and what's causing them. when you are in a triggered-state - STAY AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER - go and do some other activity for 2 HOURS, then return back to the computer.

 

- If you are in a state of depression - stay away from the computer and deal with the cause of depression - then go back on computer when the depression is resolved.

 

- Use the internet only if you have to, and try to limit your time there.

 

Each time you follow the above rules - spend money on yourself, treat yourself, but a lotto ticket, whatever you want, reward yourself.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

that wont work.........i promise you....this is something you do in small steps, dont try and go months at a time w/o looking at it, that will make it seem hopeless....also why do you look at it, you may not have a problem if u look at it just like hoooo hummm yeah its porn....or are u just craving it night in and night out like its a part fo you...

 

just take it one day at a time.......go 12 hours w/o lookin at it, then go anohter 12 hrs which should be eazy cz your sleep.......

 

then the next day contnually build off that, if u slip up dont worry, just keep tryin one day at a time

[Luke Skywalker]

It worked for me. That's why I posted it here.

[lilione]

I think I am addicted to masturbation and internet porn and I am women...I guess lately its easy for me to have this so called problem..I am single and 30...its not like I can't get a man or date....it just that I found the last couple of years its been hard for me to get into a relationship with someone..I feel like men don't want me..they are sexually attracted to me but...I think that they think I may want marriage or something and they stay away...I keep dating these men that don't want anything..so its so easy for me to go front of the computer and touch myself...I feel like I am doing it alot more lately...I am stressed lately because of work and school and been depressed...I am supposed to be working on my take home final and I can't seem to get it done...it is due tomorrow and its like I need to touch myself more and more everdyay just to feel good...I know this is a problem..i know if for sometime now...I do go to therapy, but I haven't spoken about it... i think i am ashamed or something or I am too embarrassed to talk about..i think because its a more acceptable problem for men in society to have..I mean how many women actually admit they masturbate....but it does make sense for me to do it...i don't have boyfriend and i am not into the casual sex thing...although I did cut it off with a guy recently because I get his late night booty texts..I just want to know, not men, but any women out there with a similar problem....just needed to vent also...thks!

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

as a dood imma tell you this........approach a man you feel will respect you have you had your eye on anyone, trust me there are men out there.....who want more in a relationship than sex, a woman can approach a man and 9 times outta ten he wont reject you.....i think people make 2 big of a deal of porn and masturbation.......just be who you are and throw yourself out there with a man u feel is respectable.....

porn and masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of you need to find a way u can talk about it, ive done it and the way i talk about it is i make it into a funny skit that i just blurt everywhere now im not telling you to do this....but find a way u can let someone know and they maybe can help you if you want to stop looking, but i do think people make too much of a big deal of porn, LOTS of people look at it

[JadedStar]

I agree that people can make too big of a deal out of porn and masterbation, HOWEVER, if it interferes with your life or relationship, it IS a problem. Several of the folks on tihs thread sound like this is affecting their ability to concentrate and do school work. Some said it is affecting their libido with their partner.

 

When it interferes wtih daily tasks and emotional involvement with a partner it very much IS a problem.

 

To lilione, I understand this can be embarrassing for a woman to discuss, heck I am sure many men are embarrassed talking aobut it as well. For as progressive as our society is some things can still cause embarrassment. I think a counselor who specializes in sex therapy can help you. YOu might find someone who does this for a living easier to talk to and they are very non judgemental. If you feel you are doing this to the point it is affecting your desire to go out and find a partner or affecting your schoolwork, you are probably right in that it can start to become an addiction.

[Confessoress]

With any addiction, the addiction itself isn't normally the problem. The addiction normally derives from an avoidance of something else. Maybe that is what you need to find out and tackle.

[biddo]

yes i masturbate and it is wrong...

[Langan]

Hey ya all, same as you guys, I kind of addicted to this problem too. I feel like doing it whenever I feel down and stress. And when I watch porn in internet. Its hard for me, really, because I got big social problems in my life. my life is miserable. Right now, I try fasting and praying. I hope that works. Boy, I haven't figured out how to deal with my relationship and emotional issues. Does it connected somehow? I hope someone could give me some suggestion.