I get the impression he wants me to himself

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey all,

 

I have a long distance relationship with a boy my own age. I live about 300 miles from him, he's from London. He has a friend called Luke who I met first online and we chatted a lot of the time on MSN as friends although Luke fancied me a lot. I met Luke twice before meeting my boyfriend. Anyway on my third visit I met his friend (who is now my current boyfriend) who I hit it off with really well and we ended up going out.

 

My partner knows his friend fancied me from the start.

 

Since I've been going out with my other half he seems keen to keep me away from Luke and all his mates. I don't get why? Does he feel insecure? He keeps worrying about losing me although I have assured him countless times it wont happen.

 

Anyway it's my 18th birthday next Friday so I'm going to visit my boyfriend and I was hoping to maybe hang out with Luke and the others since I never got that opportunity to last time. When I brought it up, he seemed to go quiet and cold on me. I had a bit of a falling out with Luke last weekend and I started calling him a jerk to Dan* and now that I've said I want to see him, he doesn't understand why when I was complaining about him a couple of days ago.

 

I can understand him wanting to keep me to hiself on my birthday which is why I agreed to spend it alone with him, all I asked was, was if I could maybe meet up with Luke and he said "you was complaining about him a couple of days ago and now you want to hang out with him, I don't understand you".

 

I have known Luke longer that Dan and although thats not the point, I would like to see him. He is just a mate. I don't know how to confront him about it without causing an argument. I just want to sometimes see Luke and his mates when I come for a visit.

 

Am I being unreasonable here? If not, how can I resolve it without it becoming an argument?

 

Lost here.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

-Miya-

[Meow18]

I could see your boyfriend being jealous of Luke, knowing that he liked you in the first place. But still, your boyfriend should trust you.

 

It's your birthday. It's perfectly reasonable to want to see certain people, especially when you will be in that area.

 

I think maybe though your boyfriend feels left out? It's normal for significant others to want to share birthdays together and maybe he wants to be with you on your special day.

 

I would set special time aside for your boyfriend. Maybe you can all hang out with Luke and whoever else for a few hours, but make sure you leave a few hours for just you and your boyfriend, cause it's important to make him feel like you went to see him too.

[Meow18]

If not, how can I resolve it without it becoming an argument?

 

 

How does you visiting normally work? Do you stay only for a couple of hours?

 

Maybe you can suggest that your boyfriend and you plan a date for that evening. Maybe go out to eat, or make dinner together at his place. Let him know that that will be your special time together.

 

I would let him know that you would like to see your other friends too though and that it's important to you. He should be able to understand.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I staying from next Thursday until the Sunday. I'm spending my whole Birthday with my boyfriend. We have plans to head off to the Cinema a couple of times and to go out for a meal. I asked if we could hang out with Luke or a couple of hours on the Saturday if it doesn't colide with us meeting my sister.

 

Then when I asked he went a little cold on me and I could feel him getting annoyed. I understand he feels a little worried but should trust me. The thing is confronting him is hard without an argument at the endof it.

[Meow18]

I staying from next Thursday until the Sunday. I'm spending my whole Birthday with my boyfriend. We have plans to head off to the Cinema a couple of times and to go out for a meal. I asked if we could hang out with Luke or a couple of hours on the Saturday if it doesn't colide with us meeting my sister.

 

Then when I asked he went a little cold on me and I could feel him getting annoyed. I understand he feels a little worried but should trust me. The thing is confronting him is hard without an argument at the endof it.

 

Ok.. this makes a difference. I thought you were only staying for your actual birthday.

 

I think this is perfectly reasonable, and of course your boyfriend probably wants you all to himself, but it's important to not forget about your other friends too. And you want to see your other friends. Your boyfriend should understand that even if he isn't thrilled about it.

 

You have already told him that you would like to see Luke for a couple hours on saterday, so make those plans and if your boyfriend chooses to join, then he can.

 

I guess if I were in your situation, I would tell my boyfriend that I'm going to make plans for us to hang out with Luke and if he has any say in what you all do together, then he should let you know.

 

Don't say, "you can go if you want", cause that might make him feel like he's not invited. Just talk about it like you are expecting him to go. If he really doesnt' want to go, he won't.