Flirting or friendliness?

[momo1212]

Hey, there's this girl i work with who i flirt with all the time. I've known her a few months now. We're both 19. Lately, i've been getting an inkling that there may be more to it.

 

Bear in mind, that she is a very nice, bubbly, giggly, friendly girl, which makes me think she's just being flirty. However, she's never had a boyfriend before, so it's not like she's in demand or all that experienced. (which i find extremely hard to believe given how pretty she is)

 

Here's what she does:

 

a) Laughs at practically everything i say, even when other people don't.

b) She doesn't touch me while we talk, but every now and then she'll tap my head or shoulder.

c) She's made it a point to ask me a couple of times to come along on these "field trips" that our office has. Seemed like she wanted me to go.

d) On Myspace, she's initiated a couple of goofy back and forth inside joke convos with me. She has plenty of other guys on her Myspace, but i haven't seen one message from her on their pages. At least one convo that SHE initiated herself. Not ONE on any of their's.

 

And that's about it. I'm 70% sure it's just her being friendly, though.

[southerngirl]

So ask her out on a date! What are you waiting for?

[ghost69]

she might be one of those shy girls that was a late bloomer. she might not have had much interaction with men back in school or whatever. she doesn't know how to act around you. sounds like she likes you though.

[Dating Coach]

I'll say the same thing here that I said on two other threads just like this one. You are waiting too long because you're seeking "permission". What I mean is that you aren't asking her on a date or asking for her number because you aren't certain that she's interested in you. You should not wait for permission. Waiting for permission is not attractive because it shows self doubt which is a lack of confidence.

 

There is a reason you see the guys who approach, flirt, and ask girls out getting girlfriends all of the time. It shows good social skills to be able to do this. You're already doing the flirting, which is good, but you are probably disguising your interest in her because you fear rejection. Don't disguise interest. Flirt with her and ask her out on a date. See what she's doing Sunday.

 

Also, read my first two links in the sig.

[ghost69]

fraternizing can get you fired. remember that. i've seen it happen many times.

[jessijess]

sounds to me like she's interested. so what are you waiting for? ask her out already!!!

[ghost69]

i love how people on this site just say, "what are you waiting for. just ask her out." do it behind closed doors or out of the building. no need to lose your job. if you do it while at work, just ask to go get lunch or a coffee or something.

[cara223]

i love how people on this site just say, "what are you waiting for. just ask her out." do it behind closed doors or out of the building. no need to lose your job. if you do it while at work, just ask to go get lunch or a coffee or something.

 

 

yeah, ghost is always right

 

She definitely has an interest in you. Ask her out but take his advice and do it subtly and preferably on a lunch break or something. It'd be completely embarrassing to be fired for asking her out, let alone that's the only place you interact with her at.

[Northalius]

A, b and c are clear signs she likes you! Ask her out. If she says no, then at least you tried. Try not to put it off too long, because it might come off as if you're just not interested in her... and she might get nabbed by anothe guy in the meantime!

[ghost69]

and if you were to get fired for asking her out. everyone would know. it would top the cake if she still said no too.

[momo1212]

Hey, thanks for your replies, everyone.

 

Unfortunately, i'm about 95% sure she's just being friendly. She asked me to join her and a few friends at the town festival after our class (i couldn't go). Yesterday at work, for the first hour or so, she didn't really say a word to me. She had the opportunity to (sort of, i mean, she blatantly walked past me a few times), but just didn't really approach me. Then finally, she approached me and she sat down and chatted with me for a bit.

 

I decided to bite my lip and ask her for her number. I know that sounds sort of half assed, but it was a step. She gave it to me. However, she didn't ask for mine, which makes me think she doesn't like me "like that". An hou or so after that, i ask this older woman to join me in doing these outside of the office activity requirements we have to do. The girl i like said "what about me?" in sort of ajokingly manner. I then took the cue and flirted/teased her saying "I can barely stand being with you for an hour, etc." We laughed. She then brought it up to someone else in front of me saying "Could you stand being with me for 5 hours alone?" . She sometimes sits near me, but doesn't. I dunno, i give up. This * * * * is tedious.

[lovesickkk]

Dude, I think she has an interest in you. You have her number, she's not going to ask you for yours. Call her, and take her out someware!

[ghost69]

she wants you.

[momo1212]

Alright, so i'm a tad confused. I don't talk with her for a few days until earlier today (We have work every Saturday from 9 - 3). I'm on one of her friends Facebook. I wrote on that person's page. The girl i like obviously saw it, too, because she left a message for the other girl. Why wouldn't the girl i like add me? However, i don't really use facebook. I don't even hav e apicture up, but still.

 

Anyway, all hope was lost until a few things that happened today.

 

1) When we first came in, we were the only ones there. Every Saturday is opened up with a lecture of sorts from one of our managers. Today, people were especially late because of snow outside. She usually sits at the table behind me with her girlfriend. However, she placed her stuff at my table! But when i brought a cha ir over for someone else, she moved her chair so the one i was holding would go between us, so that makes me think it meant nothing.

 

2) A few minutes after that, she asks if i'd like something to drink from the kitchen. She could just be a nice girl (and she is), but i dunno.

 

3) During our lunch break, she asked if had decided where i was going and if she could come with me (she didn't seem to care where. she let me make the decision.). However, bear in mind that her girlfriend (who she usually has lunch with) had left work early that day. I'm pretty sure the girl i like had her car there. She could've just wanted companionship, i suppose.

 

4) During the ride, i flirted with her like crazy. I teased her, cracked jokes, made fun of her, etc. We developed all new inside jokes. I made her laugh pretty hard a couple of times. At one point, she lightly and almost slowly brushed/hit/tapped my arm as she was talking to me. It wasn't a brief touch, but not long either. I don't remember if i was saying something funny or not.

 

I really like this girl and i've decided that i'm gonna ask her out. I'm still not convinced that she likes me, but i have to do this.

 

Did what i mention above sound postive and indicative of her liking me? Or am i just over analyzing?

[Shudder]

you're overanalyzing.

[Skylab]

Hey, thanks for your replies, everyone.

 

Unfortunately, i'm about 95% sure she's just being friendly. * * * * is tedious.

 

I am losing my mind here. Folks, this is incredible. What are you thinking? She is so obviously LIKES you. Ask her out, now! You have her number, call her, geez!

[lovesickkk]

You got her where you want her. Make a move before you fall in the friend-zone buddy! Every girl likes a guy that can make her laugh!

[MrMilk]

Hey mate.

 

Well from the sounds of things she could very well like you a lot. At the same time, all of what you said could be interpreted as her liking you as a friend.

 

But I agree you need to act, and spend some time together outside of work. Call her! Just keep it casual, you never know where it could lead!

 

Good luck!

[ghost69]

just hang out. don't ask to be exclusive or go to dinner and a movie. go do something fun like a friend would. then you can see if you click or flirt more.

[momo1212]

UPDATE:

 

Well, looks like i screwed it up.

 

Not because i didn't take action, but because she never liked me in the first place. I think she might've taken my teasing a bit too seriously or something.

 

Here's what happened:

 

So the day after the whole car ride thing in the post i made above, she starts acting all cold and * * * * *y towards me. ONLY TO ME. Like, if i said something that was incorrect, she would say "No, it's so and so" in a VERY condescending tone.

 

She also asked this other girl something that i knew, and when i answered, the girl i like said "I was asking her".

 

I was REALLY confused. All of this just came out of nowhere, and the fact that she was acting normal with everyone else BUT ME broke my heart. She wasn't completely cold, though. She was sort of a little of both. She had gone on this field trip with our Office to Montauk (which i didn't go on) and was like "Yeah, you should come, blah blah blah, Free alcohol"

 

So the next night, she comes and i try to tease her and she says "Yeah...." as she's walking.

 

Needless to say, at this point, i felt like * * * * and just decided that this girl wasn't interested and probably never was interested.

 

After that, i added her on facebook. She has yet to post on my wall.

 

So anyway, i'm pretty much over her until a couple days after that whole incident, seemingly out of nowhere, she comments on one of the pictures on my Myspace (A picture, of me, her, and few of our other co workers). Something she has never done before and just felt so out of the blue.

 

The next day in our lecture, she's joking with a few co workers at the table behind me and she asks me in a jestful tone "Alex, do you think i'm weird?" And i say no in a sarcastic but kidding way. She laughs with the others. She then says "Well, what am i?" I say "I'm not touching that with a 50 foot pole."

 

She ends up going to lunch with one of our female co workers, and not me, which makes me think that her having lunch with me the week before meant nothing.

 

We don't really talk for the rest of the day. Then, we start talking a little towards the end (light goofy banter) and then i ask the time. I don't hear her right a coupel of times and then in a jestful manner she taps and shakes my shoulder.

 

So at this point, everything seems back to normal. Until Tuesday.

 

Tuesday night, we have this tradition in our Office where we all cook a dinner. She greeted me very nicely when i first showed up. I teased her a bit throughout the night and then i said i was going to leave soon. I ended up leaving a n hour later. I was standing in the kitchen with her and someone else and she said "Didn't you say you were leaving?" I say "Keyword soon" Then i say in a jestful manner "I mean, if that's how it is....." and she looks at me with this serious somewhat pissed off look on her face.

 

20 minutes later, we go in the break room to watch some TV. It's me, her, and another female co worker. THe girl i like says someone could change the channel if they'd like. Joking around, i say that i'll make the decision and take charge. I'm flipping throught he channels and it gets stuck on one station. The girl i like gets pissed and is like "Jesus Christ, give me it" and fixes it. She then says, "And i barely watch TV, and i could figure that out". The other female co worker then says "We're just playing." The girl i like says "I wasn't playing...."

 

After that, i said * * * * it and decided to just try and get over this girl, which i'm currently in the process of doing. I only see her when i have to.

 

However, yesterday, she did a few things that made me think she might want me to say something to her. We got along very well, joked around, etc. She brought up this inside joke (which she brings up all the time) We went to an autopsy with a few others, and during the autopsy, she stood next to me a couple of times (not the whole time) When she did, she brushed her elbow against mine and i dunno..... maybe she was just oblivious, but..... well, the fact is, when our elbows touched, she didn't lean away..... she actually kind of pshed a bit further. She burshed this paper i was holding. It might've been accident, but i dunno, it seemed like it could've been avoided. She just seemed a bit too close. Could just be my imagination. I compared her closeness to me to others around the room when she eventually moved, and she wasn't quite that close with anyone else. (they were all girls/women)

 

She asked earlier if i had done these requirements we have to do (5 hours of field work). The ones i mentioned in a post earlier where i teased her about not wanting to be with her for 5 hours straight.

 

Later on, we were joking about this dream my friend had of me being gay. She then said in a joking manner "Is there something you wanna tell me, Alex" I say no. She then says in a half serious/half joking tone (but it seemed at bit more serious) "Is there anything else you want to tell me, Alex?" I say no.

 

Later on, i'm feeling a bit anxious over the whole situation and just go sit in the break room to reflect on it. She walks in to see who's there. She sees i'm there, then leaves, but before she leaves she asks me "Are you okay?" I say "Yeah, i'm fine."

 

 

 

Whew, that was long. Sorry. If anyone has the patinece to read that, it would be much appreciated. At this point, i'm pretty sure i screwed everything up. My goal is to learn from this experience to avoid messing up next time.

 

How do you tease a girl without hurthing her feelings? Is there something you could do with your delivery or body language to make sure you don't hurt her?

[Dating Coach]

* * * man? Why would you even like someone like this? She clearly doesn't respect you and sounds like a complete loser. I wouldn't even want someone like this as my friend. I think I'd rather stick a needle in my eye.

[momo1212]

It's far more complicated than that. Make no mistake, If it was my choice, i would never see her again, but we work together and i can't quit my job. All i can do is avoid talking with her, but that only works to a certain extent.

 

You know how alcoholics have to abstain from alcohol altogether in order to recover? Well, that's my problem here. I need to avoid this girl, but i can't. It's a tough situation.

 

Even if i could quit my job, what kind of a message would that send? It would be the * * * * * way out and would show that i have no respect for myself. That i would allow this chick (or anyone else) to have that much power over me.

 

All i can do is just learn from this situation and move on, as hard as it may be.

 

I'm just trying to understand what i did wrong.

[Dating Coach]

I'm just trying to understand what i did wrong.

 

Why? She's being a complete B!@$# and you should laugh to yourself at how pathetic she is. Plus, based upon your own dsscription you keep trying to be funny and flirty with her despite her attitude towards you, almost as if you are still trying to win her over. Don't. Only talk to her when you HAVE TO, and even then, say what has to be said and then get out of the situation.

[momo1212]

Why? She's being a complete B!@$# and you should laugh to yourself at how pathetic she is. Plus, based upon your own dsscription you keep trying to be funny and flirty with her despite her attitude towards you, almost as if you are still trying to win her over. Don't. Only talk to her when you HAVE TO, and even then, say what has to be said and then get out of the situation.

 

Because she initiated that particular convo.

 

Another time, i blatanly walked past her ignoring her and she brought up an inside joke.

 

See what i mean?

 

But you are right about the other part. Avoiding her as much as possible isn't enough. From now on i can't do anything. If that means being a cold hearted * * * * * towards her and giving her one line answers.

[Dating Coach]

Another time, i blatanly walked past her ignoring her and she brought up an inside joke.

 

I would have ignored her more.