Pending Relationship

[McmasterMcgee]

My girlfriend and I, have been together for... 1 year and 9 months. Just last monday she called me and told me she wants.... to be friends.Those words are devistating. The next day... when i meet her at school i break down and show all of my emotions at once, mostly sorrow and anger. Ive been pretty mellow after that. Well now she says...She needs time to decide if she still wants to be with me... This all started over my failure to give her enough attention. She would call and i'd talk to her everynight for 10 minutes or less if not at all, alot of times i would be sleeping, in fact a few times that we hang out i end up passing out and it had made me feel bad ever since i started. Not using this as an excuse but i have medication for pericarditis and it just kills me... and i sleep alot. that aside i didnt give her enough attention anyway. Everyday that goes by.. it gets harder. she didnt just cut me off shes leaving me hanging at time.. and i worry... im scared. The first few days.. i still hung out with her at lunch and in the mornin at school like the fool i was. Just yesterday shes telling me she doesnt want me at lunch which i understand, its just hard to let go. yesterday is also when i asked her to talk in person and i confessed and appologized for the neglect i put her through. and she looked at me like i was an idiot and said time... The thing is, i explained to my mother... and she said my gf is trying to teach me a lesson and i neednt worry. It does sound like it... but im not sure. She used the excuse to not see me at the locker because she was getting late and 30 seconds later i see her talking to another boy right in front of me, im plain sight, right in the spot where i coldnt miss her. All her friends say she doesnt like anyone else and she even told me herself she wont be dating again and there is no other men. She always seems happier with everyone else she talks to besides me.. she looks comletely depressed by me and as soon as someone else says anything bam shes got a smile and shes laughing. This laughing started one day after our breakup. which makes me wonder if she really doesnt care that much or if she is trying to pretend like she doesnt need me. The thing is she still needs time, and idk if she is in fact trying to teach me and let me feel how i made her feel or if she is just letting me go one finger at a time.. She bottled everything up, she never once said to me she wants to talk more or spend more time, and now after we break up all her friends tell me of the times she was upset at me, they shouldnt have to tell me but a headsup woulda been nice you know.. Right now im just giving her space and alot of people just say dont talk to her much at all to give her space, time, and a chance to see if she really misses me. I need to know what you guys think. Is there any chance at all that she might say she still wants to be with me based on this information. If you need questions answered ill be here until this is resolved with either a yes or no that she wants to be with me. I would do anythign for her, right now its waiting... and it hurts. please help

[lifeiscash]

It truly does sound like you are having a hard time with your situation. Knowing that a year and nine months together, it can truly be hard for anyone in the same situation to go through.

 

First, I want to reply and mention that you said lockers and what not, so that tells me that you must be in high school. High school is a rough time my friend, social pressures, fitting in, creating your image, maintaining friendships and groups, and to think that wasn't hard enough, women. I realize that you care for this girl, but there is something you must understand. You need to STOP making yourself the victim. I know your depressed, I know it hurts, I know you feel like you can't go on, but seriously there is more to the situation. First, you have been together for a year and nine months and she just decides to end the relationship because you sleep alot due to your medication? Are you kidding me, who gives anyone the right to break up with someone because they sleep alot, nonetheless been together that long anyway? Seems to me that the girl is looking for a "cop-out". If this girl really cared for you like you say she does, then why didn't she confront you of the situation, rather break up with you?

 

The problem when a guy gets rejected, or becomes broken up with, is he becomes something women dispise. He shows his weaknesses and exposses them as his personality. By crying in front of this girl, granted she most likely isn't relationship mature anyway, it basically says, "Yea I care about you, but you control all areas of my life and I don't know what to do now". You gave the power to the girl and she is running away with it. You need to get a hold of yourself even if you feel majorly depressed. You have to do what men do in these certain situations, not girls. You have to hold your head high, fake happyness, and have the aroma that you don't need anything or anyone to be happy, you can find happyness within yourself. Sounds to me she is playing games with you and enjoying the power you are giving her by your emotional instability. I do realize the pain you are going through, it was all a learning experience that every man has to go through at that time, but you need to understand that all you can do is control your behaviors and how you act, not hers. If you hold your head high, people will respect you more, including her.

 

I would stay away from contacting her. If she contacts you or sees you in the halls, just walk by with a smile on your face. If she stops you to say hi, say, "Hey, hope everything is well but I am in a hurry, catch you later", and walk away with a smile on your face. The objective is to not let her see your hurt, because obviously, she doesn't care if you see her happy without you.

[McmasterMcgee]

thanks for the Advice, im trying as hard as i can. It seems everytime i get time i start thinking and crying. When i do have time, i make time to cry. right now, im just waiting, and it hurts. I hope she realizes, how much i care. I hope she grants me a second chance. It went from happy to ripped apart without a warning. The shock of it all is intense. Followed by the fact she doesnt know if she wants to be with me still is hard. Some things she does makes me wonder if she is giving me the second chance as we speak, to respect her wishes and give her time. Maybe she is really just testing what i would do for her by saying she needs time. idk how much longer i last b4 i drop to my knees and beg for a second chance. one day i asked her if i can try to win her back, she sad "it's up to you." The day after she someone help my hand in a non relationship fasion everytime i spasmed with anger or tears. And the fact is seems like shes trying to get me sad by seeing shes happy with others and talking to boys when she knows i walk right pass there that time of day. makes me want to think shes teachign me a lesson and i got a chance. But shes cutting off our contact slowly and that makes me think shes just letting go slowly. My condition is getting worse by the stress. pericarditis is inflamation of teh sac around the heart. and the stress if causeing my heart rate to elevate. and grind against the infamed sac more. it hurts. I'm not gonna tell her, i cant push the situation or make her feel like i'm literally gonna die by the stress and force her to be with me. What hurts worse is the patience. and what keeps me goin is the slightest chance i might get granted a second chance to show her i can change, to show her i can give her the attention she deserves... to show her i care...i just want it all to end, i understand she wants more attention, i understand... but it doesnt stop

[McmasterMcgee]

neglect hurts and i understand.. i think she afraid of getting hurt again.. but this is something i feel i can fix easily.. should i ask for a second chance? when? what are my chances....

[McmasterMcgee]

Well, Turns out. it wasnt from neglect of why she decided to (take a break/ end our relationship).

do you think i may have a chance?

what do you think about the signs?

can you really end a relationship over one mistake.

this is my first offense and she did say short break to my mother.. sound good?

this si driving me nuts

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Number one thing to get a woman back man is...... Guess what? Stop acting like a girl! You are are on the road to desperate city my friend. You need to take some time to yourself before thinking of contacting this outstanding young woman. The more you act like sissy the more she is able to let go of you. I know this may sound Fed up to people on this board but I believe while breaking up even if you made a mistake don't admit it to you, you are just being desperate man. There nothing more pathetic than hearing "I know babe, it was all my fault! forgive me!" Thats so not sexy man. Confidence is key. Confidence is your mangina and you cant or wont live without it. GET IT BACK. Then when you stop blaming your self and realize your the hot,sexy stud that you are then talk to her.

[McmasterMcgee]

i disagree. real men show emotion, real men know when to realize they are at fault. real men adjust to fit the needs of the other as well as they do to you. real men, are family men. but i do agree to not be a pansy about things and get em done right. not cry abt everything, i respect your oppinion. i wasnt more plz. mainly chances...

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

I totally agree that real men show emotions while they are in a relationship... You need to understand that all that time with your EX is out the window my friend. You are now back to square of earning her attention. Your whole foundation has gone away with tsunami my friend. Tell us why should your ex talk to you? Just becasue you love her? I love her too but shes not talking to me. If you answer is all about you you you, then you have no basis. Think about what she wants and be respectful of that. She doesnt want to talk to you so respect that. She is not life support.

[Wandering_Sword]

I'll have to agree with LostLoveinLosAngeles, you are acting way too desperate about this whole situation. This expected and normal, but listen to us we're seeing this from a completely detached (emotionally) perspective. I bunged things up like this too and it only served to drive the ex further away. You are acting from YOUR over-analysis of the situation. And being fueled by misguided hope, you need to step back for a moment and look at the situation objectively. She left, and has said nothing significant that would imply her interest in coming back. Even that "you can try" bit was a little misleading from her side. If she's mucking about with other guys in front of you, SHE IS mucking about with other guys and it wasn't to punish you (that is your reasoning). Give her what she wants and that is space. No more plans or trying to understand her and her motives. Let it go and leave her be.

[McmasterMcgee]

mm... the more this goes on the more i think i got less of a chance. i think ive had enough. im goin to talk to her either tonight over the phone or tomarrow at school about the situation. ima ask to talk and tell her the truth and say she is my best friend, which she is, and she even wanted to be friends and yet she doesnt say more than 5 words to me a day... ima ask her right then and there if she wants a relationship or not. all these new things pop up, she got an F on her symester grade which just happens to be 2 days before we broke up.. i called her 45 minutes ago to discuss the above with her and her dad said she was not home and two minutes later she logged on aim and then back off within a few seconds. she has alot of conflict with her parents which makes me believe she is either unable to undergoe the stress of the family and keep a relationship. as well as her grades, maybe her parents blame the f on me or sumthin..obviously shes avoiding me. thers a million reasons so im gonna ask her the real reason. im kinda... more sad that i lost my best friend vs losing her as a girlfriend. im not completely over losing her as a gf but im angry enough to which i could handle it.... i used to be able to talk to her about anything.. now i cant say 5 words to her without thinking im gonna push her away from being my BF. so i decided a friendship is is worth saving since our relationship obviously looks bleak.... i just want my best friend back.

[McmasterMcgee]

today, i asked if i could talk to her.,, it was in the mornin time so i didnt have time, i asked if i could talk at lunch she said no she was busy, turned out all she did was hang out with her friends like normal. well she asked me to write it down and give it to her. and i did. very immature if you ask me. well i wrote down that i needed to know if she wanted to be with me and the real reason why she broke up with me. she wrote me back saying she wanted to be friends and just that and that me snapping was a constant thing and she couldnt take it no more. i was on medication for my heart which made me sleepy and crabby but thats no excuse for being rude a few times. when i read the note... i showed no emotion. i felt no sympathy. why? because she failed to adress the problem. i dont think i am responsible for 100% of our relationship failure and i wrote her back saying that i was disappoined that you chose no not adress the issue and you chose to not give me a second chance. i wanted to tell her in person but she wouldnt talk to me. i am glad the waiting is over. i feel im closer to being over this. i have accepted the issue... i feel she wasnt ready for a relationship, and she still ignores me and treats me like another person all the time she sees me. shes my best friend and i still want to be friends with her and in her note it says i am her best friend and she wants to be friends... but she treats me like shes never seen me before. i feel so let down. i feel so dissappoined that she never really made that well of an attempt to save our relationship.. makes me wonder if it was that strong in teh first place. at least disappointment is better than being miserable and sad and worrying all the time.

[McmasterMcgee]

i just realized theres a song that goes pretty good with this situation thats rather uplifting. its called "live to win" talks about being down but you should get up and keep goin... its rather inspiring.

 

you know.. i dont think i would want a relatioship with this person if they were unable to tell me how they felt. i guess its better that she told me that she didnt wanna be with me now then 10 years later when and if we had children and a house and whatnot. i felt she owed me more than what i got. she shoulda told me and gave me a second chance. i think she made a mistake, but she will learn. i hope she realizes that i would have changed for her. its not that big of a deal to change this. woulda took some practice but i coulda done it. her loss. i do feal decieved and betrayed that she didnt give much effort to work this out.