Is it realistic to think this will work?

[Rhienne]

Hi, I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months. We're both at university, and about 200 miles apart. Due to a very fortunate lecture schedule I've been able to visit him most weekends in term. I do this because we can't see each other at all in the holidays because our homes are in different countries about 650 miles apart, which is a bit less manageable!

 

Recently he's been forced to get a job at weekends. He still wants me to go and visit him, but I don't think we'll be able to spend any real time with each other as he'll be working both days. It's also very expensive for me to visit him at weekends, and if the only time I'm spending with him is when we're asleep it seems like a lot more money...

 

Does this seem like a situation where a relationship would work? I'd really like it to, but I don't know if its plausible if there isn't really any time that we can spend together.

 

Thank you for your help!

[numbhead]

how long will this go on for do u think,

 

i was in a very similar situation we made it last 1 1/4 yrs but she unfortunately drifted and lost interest!,,, it depends what type of pple u are.. i know my ex hated being alone and the last 3 months when she went bk to uni was the time that she subconsiously drifted because she needed the physical fix every night... god i miss her

[numbhead]

i'll just say a mate of mine managed and they were over 300 miles apart for over a yr!

 

i think there needs to be compromise on both side,, i know my ex wasnt willing to compromise!

 

there is a definate risk of easily growing apart though! i know all too well!

 

the thing that kept my relationship going so long was using msn messenger- microphone and webcam... we left it on 24 hrs aday,,, it was like being in the same room!

 

hope this helps

[arwen]

Hey Rhienne,

 

Welcome to ENA!

 

I am currently 150 miles apart from my partner. It helps that we are no longer students with side jobs and little budget. However, I know how it feels to have to plan it all out... I have been in LDR in the past over a distance of 1500 km and that didn't work out. However, with my current bf all is a bliss! I think that as long as you can have a realistic picture of a future in which you will be able to live closer, it is managable. My bf is looking for a postdoc at my uni (where I do my PhD now, he's almost finished with his at the other side of the country). So that's a step. Do you have any perspective like that? When are you going to graduate, or is it possible to do a MA at his uni, things like that?

 

Take care,

 

Arwen

[rikka]

Kind of like some advice I read in another thread: Can it work? yes. Will it work? That is up to you.

 

There are pros and cons in all relationships, you have to decide what you want and how you will make it work. I think you need to talk to your boyfriend, much of the burden of this relationship seems to fall on your shoulders - that can be a lot of wieght.

 

It is not an impossible relationship, but it will take some effort. You have to decide if you want it or not. Like Arwen mentioned, you have to consider the future. Is this situation going to continue for a year? 5 years? Is there an end in sight or have you discussed living in the same city/country/region? LDR's seem to be more managable when there is an end in sight.

 

Good luck!