Break NC?!?! Help

[boston23]

I need some advice, or at least some devil advocate advice here, because I feel like I've probably already decided what I should do. I just want to hear the reasons I shouldn't do this so I make the decision fully informed.

 

The background, simply, is that my ex broke up with me early Dec., and I just finished the 30 day NC challenge (the last time we had spoken, he had accused me of "taking people away" from him). Yeah, so not that mature. Today I called his sister to let her know I didn't want to be in her wedding and pretty much I said that my ex hates me and has been pretty clear about how he feels about me, etc etc.

 

So of course she tells him and so he txted me a couple of hours ago, "Just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well. Happy belated birthday..." (my bday was 3 weeks ago). So on the one hand I want to just txt back "thanks" and then on the other hand I just want to ignore it. I don't want to get back together with him, and I've been doing NC for me, but I feel like if I don't write back that I'll feel like I'm being immature.

 

The last contact we had was when I had emailed him this great email saying pretty much taht I was over him and that I would be his friend when he was ready (both of which were an exageration of the truth).

 

I realize that if I don't txt back it's not really immature (and I'm a big backer of NC) but I would feel like I'm being immature and not exactly proud of my lack of response. On the other hand, if he really wants to be clear that he doesn't hate me, he can make more of an effort than a stupid txt.

 

blech. Thoughts? Please help me with this!! Thanks everyone

[Lady Bugg]

I think a simple "thanks...you too" would suffice. If he texts again....just say..

you're busy, and goodnight. You can be civil without giving too much away....

and keeping your dignity intact.

[boston23]

hi lady bugg thanks for replying!!

 

haha so now I've switched my mind and I'm thinking that I don't want to reply at all. The more I think about everything, the more that I don't feel like being nice to him anymore, at least right now. I feel like his sister might have told him that he needed to make sure that I knew he didn't hate me, and I'm sure he does feel a little bad but I just feel like making him feel bad longer.

 

If I reply, he won't reply back anyway, so I'm not worried about that.

 

hmph. I'm annoyed at myself for vascillating. Is it ok not to reply?

[mariab.]

Don't text him.. you are doing so well!! Wait and see whether he texts you back. Sorry about the wedding, I know you have been thinking about calling the sis for a long time, and I am glad you called. That was a really strong move you made. Keep it up sister, let the strength shine through!

[Lady Bugg]

No Boston you are not "wrong" for not texting him back. He waited THREE weeks to wish you a Happy Birthday afterall.....that in itself would have ticked me off...but that's just me

If you feel you might take a step back in your healing to text..then don't do it. You need to do what's best for YOU....not him.

[boston23]

ok i'm feeling good about this not texting him back thing, which is funny b/c when I orignally posted I was definitely just going to text him back, "thanks" but now I'm thinking that if he wants to have a conversation, then he doesn't have to be like that. Yeah, and the whole wishing me happy birthday thing...i knew he wasn't going to wish me happy birthday on my birthday, but come on...just don't even say anything 3 weeks later!!!

 

so. yay, i'm not going to text him back. i feel like i would sit there kind of hoping he would try to text me again (which he wouldn't anyway).

 

thanks for the help!!!

[caro33]

Yes "thanks" even though inoffensive and noncommital, still potentially puts the ball back in his court.

 

No response at all means the ball is in your court, and fair enough if you choose not to play it. It's actually kind of liberating to not respond to this stuff and know it's not because you're playing a game or anything - just time to move on.

 

Good for you boston and hang in there .

[boston23]

yeah, that's definitely a good point. by not saying anything i am making the decision instead of waiting for him to make a decision again.

 

and as much i want to believe that i wouldn't be affected by texting him back, i definitely would be waiting for a week for his reply, which wouldn't come anyway

 

whew. i feel like this is a better decision and i'm so glad that i posted here about this. getting backup from you guys is great! thanks for the help