My friend is an absolute idiot! So how can I help him?

[Mysterious Gurl]

Evening all or morning rather,

 

Erm - I need some advice on how I can help my friend Jo*.

 

He's just signed on MSN absolutely drunk beyond belief. He's the same age as me and everything but he lives about 300 miles away.

 

I know since I've known Jo he's had feelings for me, I don't know about recently as in the past couple of months. Anyway he has been feeling depressed for a good few months about how lousy College is going, that his love life isn't going anyway great ad his parents are on his case about getting a job.

 

I don't know what to do, he seems to think drinking is the solution but it's not! He only thinks it is because it's blocking out reality. I don't know how I can make him think positive about life. I have tried so hard to be there but he's just not listening to me now. He's going out tomorrow to watch the Arsenal final and drink some more. I have asked him as a friend to stop but he refuses point blank because "drink is the only thing making him happy".

 

What should I do? I'm lost and it's going to play on my mind until I know he's alright. He's my boyfriends mate. My boyfriend said he was improving except he has the occasional mood swing at College.

 

I have no idea what to suggest right now.

 

Any help would be much appreciated!

 

-Miya-

[annie24]

there's not much you can do. he has to want to change himself. however, you can encourage he get help. a lot of colleges have free counseling for their students, I would recommend you tell him to go talk to them.

 

just keep listening to him and encourage him to deal with his problems in a healthy manner. if he is having problems in a class, tell him to ask the professor for extra help. some schools offer sessions on "study skills" or "stress management." if he is having problems with women, maybe ask him what went wrong and see if you can help him not get into that situation again?

 

PS - don't call him an idiot he is just a person going through a rough patch, so being supportive will help him tremendously.

[avman]

Annie hit it on the head, until he's ready to deal with his problems there isn't much you can do except keep encouraging him. Especially living far away, that makes it even more difficult because you can't grab him and sit him down so he'll listen.

 

Why does your boyfriend think he's improving if he is continuing to drink heavily?

[Mysterious Gurl]

Well I was chatting to my other half on Saturday and he said Jo had, had a better week than normal. Then last night Jo came in absolutely hammered. I know Jo has had it rough lately but it's just going a bit far now. I have tried encouraging him the best I can, but if he wont take any notice I'm not sure what else I can do. I just find it hard to ignore this sort of situation while a friend goes out and drinks himself into a state of depression.

 

I didn't mean to call him an idiot, I'm sorry for that. It's just he really upset me that he wouldn't take any notice of me even though he counts me as a close friend.

 

I'll see how it goes. I just don't know what more I can do really.

 

Thanks Annie, Avman!

 

-Miya-