do guys like to be approached first?

[anniebanannie]

see that's another thing i'm worried about. he does seem like the shy type, and there are always people on the bus, and no one really talks to each other so it's pretty quite. if i strike up a converstation, then everyone will be able to hear and he may feel a little uncomfortable, which may come off as cold. i don't want to embarrass him in front of everyone, but there really is no other way than the bus, so i guess i just risk it

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the exact same way! I think you should just try sitting near him sometime, ask him a random question like 'do you have the time?' Or something that doesn't indicate attraction, like or dislike. This will enable you to become acquainted with eachother. Then you can make your move..........because as you'll get to know eachother, you'll be able to find out if he has a g/f or not. Also, you should throw hints that you are single too. That way he has a green light, and you know what the green light is!!!! GO! I hope this works, it may take some time, but the best things in life take time. Good luck!

[bvnstar05]

so i just wanted to update on this thread b/c something very interesting/surreal has recently happened. so this guy that i'd been painstaking trying to talk to and who ended up being in a relationship when i finally got up the guts to give him the note w/ my number, is now hanging out with me here's how it happened:

 

i met up w/ a friend at a restaurant for her bday and when i walk in the door i see him, b/c he works there!! so he greets me and i'm so nervous/embarrassed and mumble something about meeting a friend, so i go sit down w/ her. i don't even look around cuz i'm so scared and my friend told me that he kept looking at me. so he came over, asked if he could take our plates away and then started talking to me. he was like, "aren't you from the bus?" and the convo went from there. he was soooo nice and very friendly, so before i left, i left my name and number on a napkin on the table. a few hours later, i receive a text, saying that he was happy that i left my number and that we'd have to get together to talk. it's now been a little over a month and we've been on a few dates and have so much fun together. i cannot believe this happened!!! i never really believed in second chances until this happened! it was so surreal to see him and just to even now hang out w/ him b/c it's been so long (an entire year) that i went w/out seeing him. but i am soooooo glad i had the courage this time to leave my number, he also said that he was glad i did b/c he was so mad at himself for not saying anything before i walked out of the restaurant.

 

so to all those out there who are hoping for a second chance, keep your spirits up!!! if it is destined to happen, then it definitely will when you are least expecting it! thank you to everyone who contributed their opinions and i really hope everyone got something useful from this post. good luck to everyone!!!

[Batya33]

Good for you! I don't think this has to do with fate or "when you least expect it" - you liked someone, you met him before and talked to him, you gave him your number and he called you and asked you out on a date and has asked you out on more dates. It's great that you met someone you click with and that you've been out with a few times and had fun together - hopefully that will become more of a typical experience for you - having a few dates with someone you are interested in who is interested in you (or perhaps it won't if you end up in a long term relationship with this guy!)

[CaptainNapalm]

You should approach him.

[bvnstar05]

we are both 20, our birthday's are actually just 2 weeks apart. but i'm currently a senior in college and he's a junior, but he is still older than me age-wise. after he told me he was in a relationship, i just wrote him back and told him it was totally fine, i was just curious or something like that. and i did pretty much forget about him for a year (went out on dates w/ other guys, etc.) and he never really came up again. until of course i saw him at the restaurant. it just seems like a long time coming, i feel like i've known him forever and its so surreal that we're finally together. we've talked about the past so much too, like he remembers me and that he even wanted to talk to me, but was too scared.

 

in terms of girls forgetting about guys, i think it depends on the situation. i mean, i just saw something in him when i first noticed him, he just looked like my type and seemed like he had all the characteristics i was looking for. and turns out, he does but usually girls do forget, at least i've done so in the past when i thought that someone who rejected me was just not worth pursuing. but like i said earlier, i firmly believe that seeing him again after all this time was really my second chance and i couldn't pass it up, especially since i felt like he was sending me all these signals (the eye contact, kindness, smiling, etc). so, in a nutshell, i think that if you know that someone is just right for you and they don't work out the first time, they may be destined to come back into your life the way you had always hoped they would. might be cheesey, i realize, but i'm telling you, it is quite an experience

[Batya33]

Yes, although I will add that many people are "sure" in the first 2-4 months of a relationship especially when it begins this romantically and even if you knew each other from before - you weren't in a relationship during that time. It takes 6-9 months or longer to really get to know whether you're compatible especially after the smittendom fades. I don't say that in a cynical way, more in the positive way in Raykay's great thread "fools rush in"

 

I think it's great that you approached him when you had the opportunity and it's good that so far it's going very well. Just that I think the real effort comes in later in a relationship, not in the "honeymoon" phase and it's that kind of effort and work that is a truly impressive accomplishment for those couples that stay happily together for the long term. I also loved the "I won the prize" feeling when a guy I had a crush on finally stepped up to the plate, don't get me wrong!

[Batya33]

I did something similar to meet my high school sweetheart. We met at a party of a mutual friend. Two months later we met again at a dance. Another girl was heavily coming on to him but he was also dancing with me. She got him to go outside with her "to take a walk." At the same time, some neighborhood kids started fighting with people and in trying to break up the fight, he got his nose broken and was taken to the hospital. I got his number and called him to see how he was doing which was a good thing because he was glad I called - the woman tried to kiss him right before the fight started and he didn't want her. I was always glad I took that chance of calling him (not an easy thing to do at 15 years old!). We had a great 3 year relationship.

[CaptainPlanet]

Yes we do and it gives us a good idea you are interested so then we can do the persuing.

[i_love_chocolate]

Hold on. I'm confused. Didn't you say that he said that he was in a relationship? How come you two are dating now? Plus why did you leave him your phone number again? Didn't you already give it to him? Am I missing something here ?

[bvnstar05]

yeah, when i saw him on the bus and finally gave him the note, it was may 2007. he wrote back and told me he was in a relationship. but then i saw him working at a restaurant when i went to eat there a year later (april 2008 ). then after he approached me and we started talking about the bus, i left him my number on the table before i left. at that time (april 08 ) he was not in a relationship for a while. so basically, these notes were a year apart. hope that clears things up

[bicksford]

We love it. Do it!