Questions for all the Confident Guys

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

What makes you confident?

 

Where does it come from? Looks? Compliments? Personality? All of the above?

 

Around what time in your life did this confidence take it's form?

 

Thanks. I ask because I am trying to understand how some guys can approach women like it's nothing while other guys, like myself, get the shakes and the shutters when standing within a 5 mile radius of a lady he likes.

[ladyspirit]

Hi,

 

I'm not a guy, but don't hold it against me

A good way to approach someone in a casual and low-stress way is by sharing comments about something that you may both experience simultaneoulsy; for example, you are both standing at the coffee shop counter, and you notice something funny written on a ( I 'm inventing here) poster on the wall; you bring it up, she may say "yeah, that is funny!", and that just created a common experience. If the common experience was pleasant ( simple at first), this may lead to wanting more common experiences. Just go around and create them!!

 

Practice, practice, practice...Good luck.

 

Ladyspirit

[spirits]

Hmm, I wouldn't say I'm those guys who will just go up to girls and talk to them, I don't think we should define confident guys as that either, they are just guys who don't see girls as anything... period. I suggest you make friends with girls whom you don't like in a romantic way. I realize a lot of guys limits their friendship with female and only only talk to the girls whom he likes. That is a very big mistake.

 

I was at the same stage as you couple years ago. As the previous post mentioned, you should take every situation lightly and don't create too much meanings to it. But it may be easy to say and hard to do in your part.

 

Do you have guy friends you hang out with? I suggest you begin there if you don't. You'll probably meet girls from the guys, and talk to girls there first. If they don't have girls hanging with them either, make friends with those who do. I'm sure you have no problem beginning from here.

[Altruist]

I agree with the two posts above. Take each interaction with a girl lightly so that you don't put undue pressure on yourself from the start.

 

Personally my confidence is derived from success in many other areas of my life. I have a lot of talents that continually reinforce my confidence. Perhaps you could find what you are good at, explore it to your fullest potential and from there your confidence can be boosted when you start reaping the benefits of that talent.

[Altruist]

..Sorry for the double post, but I just had to add... You can also boost your confidence by ensuring that you are in the best shape. You don't have to look like a meathead, but a bit of brawn in the right places can do a lot of good to your confidence, not to mention your health.

[Fisch]

Confidence comes from experiencing success. You can attain success by trying, if you never take a chance and approach, you will never gain confidence. Im sure that things like contemplation can help in the short run, but overall you need to do things that make you confident because of accomplishment. For example, if you walk around with a dildo attached to your forehead all day in public, you will probably feel more confident in certain situations that in comparison seem easy. I know people who have actually done this.

[DropToZero]

Confidence comes with everything, you've got to be sure of yourself. You've got to KNOW that you don't care what anyone else thinks about you, and once you've realized that, then your confidence will shine. When you act how you want, say what you want, do as you please, you're being yourself...and that's confidence. As with anything in this world man, it's going to take practice, and yes you will more than likely fail before you succeed, but keep going at it and you CANNOT be afraid. Fear will control you, you've got to get past that. good luck

[ghost69]

experience. you have to try to find your rhythm/skills. i've been shot down a bunch of times. i don't take that to heart. this sounds like what you are scared of. getting shot down sucks, but you tried. that is all you have to know....you tried. you will never know if you don't try. the more you try, the more action you will see. if you just sit on the sidelines and do nothing, you will definitely get nothing. if you know you have a great personality, you need to flaunt it. you should always boost your ego. you have to know you can talk to women.

you need to keep the conversations simple. i usually open up with a compliment about their physical appearance or talk about the drink they ordered. i'll say that i like their hair or their eyes. something flattering. or i will about their drink "what is that?" it is so innocent but opens up the lines of communication. i have a clever line too if i notice she is just standing there by herself "you meeting your bf here?" this allows them to say yes, which would suck, or no which is awesome. more than likely she would be meeting with another female if not a bf.

simple things can start huge conversations, but you need to get started to get a good rhythm. once you have practiced this, your game will improve. and i'm not saying that the things i say are 'lines', they are just lines of communication. they aren't in any way cheesy. cheesy lines are for losers. also, i work out and take care of my body. this helps a lot. women make comments to me a lot. also, keep your face clean cut. most women aren't into scruff or beards. not all most. i've had a lot of experience i must say. there have been some shutdowns along the way. happens to everyone. that's where all of my confidence comes from.

 

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[Iceman26]

I agree with Ghost. His opening lines are pretty flawless. It sounds like he and I have much in common.

 

When I was younger, I was shy and got shot down a lot, but I would say that experience is what made me more confident. I knew who I was, what I had to offer someone else, and what I wanted.

 

As I got older I rarely got shot down because I read people pretty well in social situations, and I knew what my strengths/weaknesses are and how to utilize them. For example, if you have a good sense of humor (which was my forte), use it, if you are a brainiac, use that.

[ghost69]

good rule though.....always be yourself. never fake. women can sense that crap. be genuine with a hint of slickness.

 

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[coooolsome]

Confidence can come from many things. One, be proud of the accomplishments you have in life. Even small accomplishments you should be proud of because you did them. Confidence can even come from failing at something. What I mean by this is that you may have failed but at least you tried. There are many people in this world that are scared to even try. Be proud that you gave it your best.

 

Confidence can come from knowledge, knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being ok with them. Confidence can come from knowing that no one is perfect, not even that amazing looking girl at the bar.

 

My confidence came from doing things that I was always afraid of doing and just letting go of my fears. I became more confident when I started to analyze myself and work on my faults as best as I could. I gained confidence by surrounding myself with great friends, a great family. I have a great job, moved out of my parents house, just bought a townhome, and generally doing things that I used to be afraid to do because there was risk involved. I also gained confidence in doing the right thing when it needs to be done and taking responsibility for my actions.

 

Mainly, be proud of who you are.

[ghost69]

just think in the back of your head "do i really want to get some?" more than likely answer will be yes.

 

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