Need advice from someone that has gone through mediation

[MustbeNuts]

I need some advice here..

I will give you a quick background. I have been separated 3 years and in process of divorce. It was me that left, I had to go "clear my head" so i moved out and got an apartment with the hopes of working things out. We have no children and owned a home together that was almost paid for.

 

Unbeknownst to me, he got an appraisal of the home within a few weeks of me moving out. Up until that point I made all the house payments and Utilities out of my account and he paid for groceries and phone and electric. We had separate accounts even after marraige though we did add each other to our accounts after a time. I owned the land the home was built on, but the mortgage was put into both our names once he built the home. He also put 60k of his own money into the home and he was the one that built it.

 

after we decided that the split was not working he had me served. I obtained a lawyer and asked him if I may get my own appriasal as it was 2 years later and the home was worth a lot more (about 80k more) he agreed and I paid to have a new appraisal done.

 

The new amount was not agreed upon and he is protesting it for the amount that his appraisal came to. he is stating that When i moved out I abandoned the home and I am only allowed what that appraisal states (though it is almost 2 1/2 years old at this point)

 

My lawyer is not much help at this point. she tells me that "well technically he is right". I am faced now with a mediation date that I have to appear by myself, and i am scared. I do NOT know my rights nor have they been expresed to me. We are fighting over nothing else. I am leaving everything else he has worked for to him, and I want nothing that i have worked for touched.. I just want what is fair.. my half of the home that I paid for all these years.

 

I guess I just want some advice from someone who has gone through a mediation.. How can I arm myself.. how can i get some answers when my lawyer wont give them to me. What can I protect me. I am not a gold digger here. I know he worked hard for what he has.. but so did I and I feel like im getting hosed here..

 

I am sorry if I am rambling. I just dont know what to do

[melrich]

Where do you live?

 

In Australia, the value of the house (or any assets of the marriage) would be as the were at the time of financial settlement, not at the time of seperation. That would make no sense. Just because you leave a house you jointly own does not seem logical that only one party should pick up the value of appreciation on the property.

 

Are you confident your lawyer is giving you the right advice?

[MustbeNuts]

It made no sense to me either. I live in Washington State, a no-fault divorce state.

 

I paid the mortgage from the time the home was built and only stopped once I moved because I could not afford both the rent and the house payment.

[melrich]

I'd be getting another legal opinion.

[MustbeNuts]

The problem here is that I can not even afford the attorney I already have. I still owe her 1k. I am making payments to her. I am barely making ends meet and cannot afford to drop her and obtain a new one, that would put me back at square one and even more in debt. All this while he is bragging about his 6 figures he is making now and living in my home

[confusedmama]

If both your names are on the house loan, in order to re-finance to get your name off the loan the house will have to be re-appraised. In most states appraisals over 6mths are not considered correct. A loan officer could probably give you better advise as far as appraisals and housing info go.

When I went through my divorce I had to pay to get the house appraised 2x because of the elapsed time between the 1st and when the divorce was final.

[avman]

I have been through a couple of mediations and I do NOT suggest doing it by yourself. In both cases the mediator placed severe pressure on both sides that everything they asked for was unreasonable, you'll never get what you want so settle for less, etc. Without my attorney there I would have likely made some very bad snap judgements.

 

If you can't afford a lawyer but your spouse makes a ton more money than you then have the lawyer file a motion to have your spouse pay your legal bills. I really think you should find a new attorney that is working for you. The one you have now sounds like no help and without decent representation you are going to get screwed.

[MustbeNuts]

I asked my attorney if she would be present for the mediation. She said that attorneys are NOT present. I am very very worried that I will be going in there completely unprepared. I am a peacemaker by heart and do NOT want to settle or be bowled over and regret it for the rest of my life.

[melrich]

She said that attorneys are NOT present.

 

Well again, I don't know your jurisdiction but attorneys would certainly be able to be present where I am.

 

Do you have a free local legal service you could call and check this advice?

[avman]

Well remember you are not REQUIRED to settle in mediation. You are only required to attempt it. So if things aren't going the way you need them to go, simply don't agree and the mediation will end. Then the issues will be settled at trial.