loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hi I'm new at this, I've been a member for a while but never started a thread. I need some advice, my husband and I have been married for 3 years, prior to getting married we discussed that we would start having a family within a couple years, we are now on our third year and he won't even discuss the idea of starting to try for a family. I'm heart broken over this as I want a family so bad, any advice?? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 sit him down and ask him... its the only thing you can do that wont push him away. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Does he mention why he doesn't want to discuss it? What are your ages? Are there any issues job related, financial, etc, that may be his reason for not being ready to start a family ? Link to comment
loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 I've tried to have this discussion with him, he won't open up, he just says "I'm not ready" I don't want to pressure him into something he's not ready for but I really feel this is a deal breaker. This has already been going on for a year how much longer do I have to wait? Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 tell him what you told us. I know how you feel about not wanting to pressure him into anything, but you got married under the assumption you would start a family. If he was lying, he needs to tell you! Link to comment
loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Coollady, I just turned 29 he's 27, no we are both in stable jobs and financially we are doing very well, he won't give me a reason why he won't discuss things, but he gets very uncomfortable so I end up dropping the issue Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Coollady, I just turned 29 he's 27, no we are both in stable jobs and financially we are doing very well, he won't give me a reason why he won't discuss things, but he gets very uncomfortable so I end up dropping the issue I can certainly understand your frustrations over this. It is unfortunate that he won't open up and discuss this with you, especially since prior to marriage you had discussed having a family and he seemed to have agreed at that time. As far as the marriage is concerned, is everything OK there? No issues going on that would stall his desire to have a family that you know of ?? Link to comment
loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 We had a rough start at the beginning of the marriage, with both of us being new at this we forgot how to communicate, and things got pretty rocky, but we sorted things out and moved on, things have been great! Link to comment
loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 has anyone been in my shoes? How was this resolved for you?? I'll take any advice I can get. Thanks Link to comment
DN Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 We had a rough start at the beginning of the marriage, with both of us being new at this we forgot how to communicate, and things got pretty rocky, but we sorted things out and moved on, things have been great! Is it possible that he is still concerned that those issues have not been properly sorted out and that a baby may make things worse and not better? He may need more time to be sure that the marriage is strong enough for him to risk having children just yet. With the number of divorces these days he may worry that he could end up a part-time Dad. Link to comment
loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 It may be a possibility that he is still dealing with those issues, although he hasn't mentioned anything. I'm not sure how much stronger he would want this marriage to be. Link to comment
loulou Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 I feel so strongly about this topic It's crossed my mind to leave him and find someone who shares the same feelings as I do regarding children and family Link to comment
DN Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I feel so strongly about this topic It's crossed my mind to leave him and find someone who shares the same feelings as I do regarding children and familyWell, he doesn't seem to be saying he doesn't want a family at all - just not yet. I would ask him if he has changed his mind about having children and if he says he has not then tell him that you should both come to an agreement as to when and under what circumstances you will start. Be very careful that you don't give him the impression that you view him more as a father for your children rather than as a husband to you. Few men would appreciate being looked on in that way by their wives - most would question whether they made the right decision in getting married and it would certainly make them question the wisdom in starting a family. Link to comment
loulou Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 Thank you DN what you've said really helped, your right I don't want him to think I just want him to be the father of my children, it goes so much deeper than that. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Link to comment
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