I want to move out so bad

[HyruleGuardian]

I've been having problems off and on with my parents the last couple years. The other night my dad blew up on me because his computer wasn't working, and told me it's because I always mess around with it. I had no idea what he was talking about of course. Then he got really pissed off and I tried to calm him down, then he screamed at me, and I did it back. We went at it for about 5 minutes until my mom came down and broke it up. This happens so often and it's starting to get to me. I'm a nice person unless I'm provoked. I hate getting into conflicts with anyone. But my dad just knows how to push my buttons the wrong way, and I go off. He has a terrible temper and tends to blame his problems on others...especially me.

 

He also likes to try and get into my personal life. He goes onto myspace and looks at my profile and other people I know and asks questions about it. I recently made my profile private and he got pissed off about it. I seriously can't believe some of the stuff he does anymore. But even worse, sometimes I'll get off the phone with my girlfriend, and he'll ask me what we talked about. Or my girlfriend won't call and he'll say something like "Uh oh, are you guys on the rocks?" Or even worse, he sometimes turns on the speaker phone and listens to our conversations. When I found out he did this once I completely blew up. Whenever I tell him that I'm an adult now, he tells me that because I still live under his roof, he has a right to know about my personal life. He even gets pissed off when I hang out for the day with my girlfriend and don't give him a call. Like I'm still a kid.

 

I've been thinking about moving out now for the past 2 years. Ever since I graduated high school I've wanted to. The only thing is, I recently lost my job. School is piling up on me and I just don't have enough time to go out and do an interview at the moment. I've got over 20k saved in the bank in different accounts though, just from working and saving most of my life.

 

I really just want to be independent and do something for myself for once. I can't stand living at home anymore. The idea of having a place to myself and not being bothered seems like paradise.

[rocio]

You have a huge advantage because the 20K could work toward a downpayment on a house and you would save an incredible amount of money by spending the next 10 years paying off a mortgage instead of renting. If I were you, I wouldn't touch that money. Instead, try to stay out of your dad's way and try to find a job. Move out when you're financially ready to. It doesn't have to be expensive to live on your own. You could find share a big apartment with 5 other guys and live off of kraft dinner. It's actually kinda fun. But first, find at least part-time work.

[Meow18]

You don't want to move out without having a job. You have a lot saved up, but that money won't be saved forever, so it's important to have the stability of a job.

 

In my opinion, what you are going through can be normal. I think your dad is honestly just looking out for you, even though he's not giving you the privacy you deserve at your age. I am in no way saying what he is doing is ok, but I don't think he's doing it to get on your nerves. Maybe he feels like he doesn't know about your personal life? Maybe he wants to know about your friends and your girlfriend?

 

I think you and your dad need to talk and come to a compromise. Maybe include your mom so that it doesn't get nasty. But I really think you need to tell him that even though you are under his roof, you want to be treated with respect and have the privacy you deserve. And maybe what you can do is just talk to him honestly whenever he wants to talk.

 

I know it's not that easy, but I really think that moving out would not be your best option at this point. I think you need to talk to your dad.

[Dako]

you and your father are doing a little dance that happens between father and son when it's time to leave the nest. He's worried, nosy and critical.

You're sensitive, need privacy and need to fly the coop.

 

Get a job, and move out. Kraft dinners, Top Ramen and tap water are a fine motivator for a young man.

 

If you read enough posts here, you'll discover that advertising your personal lifee world on Myspace has its drawbacks.

[HyruleGuardian]

Tonight is a great example of why I want to move out. I went down in the basement where my dad was to get my laptop to finish up some school work. He told me he wanted to see my myspace because my sister told him I added new pictures. I asked him does it really matter? And he gave me some BS response. So I just said whatever, and I showed it to him. He read over all my stuff and laughed about it and basically made me feel like an idiot. Then he started looking at all my girlfriend's messages to me, her profile, and all my friend's profiles. He read a poem I wrote to my girlfriend and laughed about it, basically embarrassing the hell out of me in the process.

 

When he was finally done, he asked me what my password was for my yahoo e-mail. I told him it doesn't matter about 6 or 7 times, and he told me that if I didn't give it to him, then he wouldn't let me talk to my girlfriend. I got so pissed off and told him to stop treating me like a child, but he kept asking. So I reluctantly gave it to him.

 

I really, really am getting sick of this ****.

[Dako]

Your father is far from fatherly.

Maybe change your password to his girlfriend's name.

[spirits]

HyruleGuardian, i am in a really really similar situation as you. In fact, i think i have it worse than you. I'm constantly being embarrassed whenever female calls me during my childhood years so now I seemed to naturally not look at girls whenever i eat out with mother. I'd also find myself not letting my parents know that any of my friends are girls.

 

I liked to joke and keep things relaxing and fun, but now and then she would just blow up on me for NO REASON AT ALL. All of a sudden: "you should clean the books off the kitchen table cause i'm using it! You ruined MY MOOD! AND NOW I CAN'T GET ANYTHING DONE! BLAH BALH BALH" for 10 minutes. It would have been longer if i haven't left the house. If i talk back, she'll go, "I RAISED YOU SO BIG AND THIS IS WHAT I GET??? DON'T LIVE IN MY HOUSE, I DON'T WANT YOU AS MY SON!" She sometimes even CRY because of it! I did absolutely nothing, it was merely some books i placed at the kitchen. She could have just put my books to a chair or something and it takes 3 seconds.

And trust me, if i put the books elsewhere, she'll come up with something new to yell.

 

And I'm currently in year 2, don't want to find a job because i can barely handle 4 courses nevermind an extra part time job. I need to get a certain GPA to take double major. It's just so hopeless for the next 2 years.

 

It's almost like an evolutionary mechanism where mothers, biologically, will blow up on you because you're at the age where you should be independent, forcing you to leave home.